Way too soon Pio. You should treat this like Plan B with conditional return of WW.

This is the email I just sent.

gemela,

Valeria says that you told her you will be coming back in two weeks. I am not in agreement with that. For me, absolutely nothing has changed. You are still an unfaithful wife who would prefer to continue her affair rather than try to salvage your marriage. Having a few weeks vacation in Mexico with your family has accomplished nothing with respect to your attitude. This is the happiest I have been in over a year. I don't have to worry about where you are, who you are seeing, what you are doing secretly behind my back, how much money you are spending on clothes or how many shoes you are buying or who you are sleeping with. As far as I am concerned, I would like our separation to continue indefinitely and we can discuss a visitation plan for the children. I don't know how long - but at least until such time as you accept responsibility for what you have done and are willing to try to repair the damage.

All I know is how I feel and, when I heard you were coming back in two weeks, it just made me sad. I don't want to go back to that life of misery you created for me. I am very happy being without you. I know this is difficult on the children but sooner or later we have to accept the fact that they may not have their family together. We both love them and we will share in their upbringing. Maybe, at some point in the future when things have changed considerably, we can see whether our marriage will work but, right now, I can't see that you are any different. And since you are no different, you would offer me nothing more but the same miserable life you have been giving me for the last two years.

So what is it you are offering me by coming back? All I can see you are offering me is a return to the pain and suffering you created. Valeria and Vanessa are doing great. It is not that they need you here - it is that you want to be here. Once again, everything is about you and what you want. You have zero consideration for me and what I want or need or even the children for that matter. To me, this just further proves how selfish you have become. It is not healthy for the children to see us fighting or arguing. Do they need a mother? Yes. I won't argue that. Do they need a mother like you who teaches them that marriage is nothing but a convenience that you can betray any time you wish? What kind of role model would you offer them as a mother. Valeria asked me the other day why you beat them all the time. How do I answer that?

I have been putting up with your affair for over a year and I have offered you every opportunity to remain in the marriage. That was probably a mistake. You have never really had to work for much of anything and as a result, you don't appreciate what you had. My suggestion is that you come back to visit at Christmas and then we discuss how we will handle permanent separation. I will say that I am not willing to consider letting you take the children to live in Mexico. You can have visitation. They can spend the summers with you in Mexico but they will go to school here.

Coming back in two weeks is a terrible idea.

And, before you go whacking me, I already sent it.

OMG. I wish I hadn't done it. I feel so horrible. I just have to get this out.

Last night before we played marbles, I went in with flat shoes and squished the carpet down all in the same direction so that the "grain" would all go the same way. As a result, the aggie had a break to the left. DD1 never figured out how to read the break. I am such a terrible person. Can I be forgiven? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Okay so I made that up. But it is a great idea and I think I will try it tonight!!!

I got DD1's aggie in the drill press and made a small hole halfway through. I was lucky it didn't crack but I used a titanium bit and slow speed. Now if I can just remember the melting point of lead, I am going to spike her marble. See how she handles that one! bwaahaaahaaahaa! BWAAHAAAHAAAHAA!

Pio - Please post letters BEFORE you send them. Gemela has to know that there is HOPE to regain her rightful place. That letter is full of dj's.

Todd, I don't "hate" Carson McCullers. I will try it again. It just didn't speak to me.

Pio, you are a despicable person and will NEVER be forgiven. Spiking that adorable child's marble. HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK SUCH A THING. However, flattening the carpet could work.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The girls are beautiful BTW. They obviously don't take after you.

No bashing about the email. It all needed to be said. I never thought I would see bwaahhaahaa in a post of yours. I can only say that you are a changed man, dare I say it, a happy man.

Sure. But at least you no longer deny being an English professor or that Rob is a poet. At least there is some progress.

Pio,

That is one mean email. I am not a MB scholar so I don't know the protocol here, but that is a mean email. Maybe post for comments next time, okay?

Sorry but being nice to gemela never accomplished anything. Soshe might read that and say stuff the marriage. That is fine with me. I am really starting to enjoy life again and I don't want to lose that. Why did she just decide to come back so soon without even discussing it? Or why didn't she tell me BEFORE saying anything the DD1? It is because she thinks she can get by with anything.

I am in complete agreement that she should not come back now. Nothing would have been accomplished. And I agree that she should have discussed coming home with you and not DD1. But, be that as it may, your tone was harsh. I am not suggesting lovey dovey; just a matter of fact without all the LB's. If you truly don't care, file for D and get it over with. I wouldn't do anything about the email at this point. You have already sent it; let it stand.

Hello friends,

I am exhausted from speed reading to catch up! I had horrific computer issues and my laptop was running at a snails pace...took me 8 hours to clean it up, defrag, dump programs etc to get it back to speed! I am such a pack rat that I even hoard electronic stuff and consume tons of space.

Sooooooo, where to begin...

Todd...I'm sure you are a bit critical of your memory issues and the most aware, however despite your perception we seem to think you are a MENSA board member...maybe that doesn't say much for us but...

Your plan for WW makes lots of sense to me

Kiwi,
I luv your quick witted responses to Pio about his pyle strategy...had me going for a sec

Pio,
DDs are exquisite and will be breaking hearts just with a smile...you may need to install bars on that killer tree house. My DDs would kill for one like that but they wouldn't be able to share so I would need to whip up two separate houses.

I love the Dakota tribal philosophy and have the power point that goes with it...ironically I've had it since 2002 and have used it in several managerial meetings...I was called a loose cannon at one such exec mtg though...

I think perhaps the stormtrooper made and appearance and drafted that subtle email message you sent?

I was not peeling or feeding grapes to H; I was at MC where he announced he wanted a D; he then said he didn't love me, then took it back and said he was just being hurtful...left MC without me and returned to work. Next he texted some stuff trying to test the waters...he spent the night "sleeping in the car"...called and talked to the kids this morning and then came home for an hour to talk to me tonight.

During our talk tonight he broke down and said it was easier to say he wanted a D than to admit the truth which was that "I am a [email]B@st@rD[/email] and have treated you horribly; you are a good person and don't deserve any of this; I keep hurting you and it makes me sad and so I keep pulling further away to prevent having to deal with your pain and mine. I don't want to hurt you anymore but I am afraid I might slip up sometime again and disappoint you"...lots more accepting of responsibility and apologizing...this is the first remorse I have ever seen and he has actually gone back to the beginning and apologized for a variety of things and stated that it was all him.

Not sure where to go from here...I told him he needs to decide what he wants and where he wants to go. I told him I think we could bounce back from this with lots of work and time. I said I didn't want any decisions being made based on reactions or emotion and that I sincerely wanted him to take time to think this through and bring back a decision on what direction to take. I told him if he was staying in the house there would be ground rules during his period of indecision...I laid down the deal breakers.

I am almost on the verge of how Todd feels, making a final effort for the sake of the kids but I do still have feelings despite the he!! I've been through.

Nams,
I hate to disappoint Pio but I wouldn't have engaged in a cat fight over the Bushwhacking...although it may have been fun...I would have just said that it is thanks to Prez Bush and our troops that we all have the freedom to state our opinions and sleep sound at night not fearing for our lives

Guess I'll go polish my boots and wait to see who's posting lyrics tonight...Todd, do you like Damien Rice? Favorite is Cold Water

Whoever it was that was watching cartoons...when I was 5 I fell in love with...Speed Racer, actually thought he was real...watching it as an adult you see all the round circles in the crowd at the race track and wonder how you could ever think it was real???? Wish I could recapture the innocence of youth...ok, maybe I was just dumb!

I should add that you now have a PR burden on you with DD1. She thinks WW is coming home in two weeks. Let WW fix it and make it clear to WW that she discusses with you when to come back, not DD1.

Has anyone tried Parmesean Basil wheat thins??? They are delectable...I'm having my nightly wine and snacking and had to throw it out there...Todd, its a good snack for a low stress kitchen. You really should get a crock pot though...so easy and makes great comfort food/soups/stews.

Hi 2much,

Talk too much,
drink too much.

Sorry just had to say that.

No, not a MENSA board member or even a regular member. I never have been interested in that group. Honestly, the standards for admission are too low. Just kidding.

Well, 2much, I hope it is remorse that your WH is demonstrating and that he is not manipulating. Forgive me for I have become....dang, I cannot think of the word. Anyway, WW has feigned remorse a couple of times but when I reality tested it, she fell through the false floor.

In any event, I must say that women seem to have infinite amounts of patience. I hold women in extremely high regard. They are clearly the superior gender and what they will do to keep their family unit intact always impresses me. I am afraid that I don't have the emotional stamina to do so.

Oh, so you want to discuss politics? I will let you start....



Who is she? A singer? Actress?

BTW, 2much, how long have you been at this? R that is.

Okay, now you have done it. Somehow, you made me think of Mario Puzo. Don't ask me how. He obviously is best known for "The Godfather" but he wrote several other books, at least two of which were quite literary. Anyway, has anyone read "Fools Die"? Wonderful book and for some reason, I feel compelled to post the preface of that book. Maybe I will and maybe I won't.

Hey 2much, what did you think of Madonna's lyricsw? She is not just another pretty face is she? Those lyrics speak of bunches of gray matter. Or is it grey matter? Kiwi?

I love soups and stews but I have no idea what to do with a crock pot. Do I just throw a bunch of stuff in there and plug it in? Is it really that easy? My son suggested that I get a George Foreman grill. I may do that. I love George. Talk about someone who blossomed in his later years.

My response to that conversation was that is was my decision to make and not WW's. She should only decide what she wanted and she had no place making my decisions for me. I was able to make that clear with her and I think it helped.

What did you expect from the Material Girl?

No, can't drink too much...runs in my family so I limit to a max of 2 on days off and 1 on "school nights"...I have to say that everything I have done in my life that I seriously regret was done when I was under the influence shall we say?
I never drank heavily on a consistent basis but quickly discovered when partying hard that it is in the genes and how ridiculous I act when drunk...I'm sure I was loads of fun but paid the price.

Ok, I have at GF grill and it is great for burgers, chicken, pork chops, you name it and sucks everybit of grease out of it...a bit lacking on the flavor due to the no grease factor but if seasoned properly you can have a delectable meal in 30 minutes tops.

Crock pot is that easy...just throw all ingredients in at the beginning, set the temp on high, med or low and wait hours...doesn't require stirring unless you feel compelled to do so. There are oodles of recipes for crock pots/slow cookers so there should be no problem being creative. Beef stew is the easiest.

I like Puzo too.

Damien Rice is a singer

I have been M for 11 years...previous M of 6 years ended due to XH not wanting children.

I am very patient in some respects but ironically my biggest problem in this whole recovery attempt is my acid tongue and lack of patience...

I agree this remorse could be an attempt at manipulation but knowing my H as long as I have I can say at the moment it was spoken it was authentic...could it change...absolutely just like my hair color:)

So, you got any Jackson Browne for me?

Todd - A crock pot is easy. They are cheap - under $20. In the morning you just throw everything in - meat, vegetables(peel first), and a tiny bit of water. Then it all cooks slowly during the day, and VOILA - a home cooked meal.

ToddAC,

I already considered the PR problem with DD1 but I didn't create it. Gemela did that all by herself so she needs to solve it. I am no longer in the business of solving the problems she creates.

Roght now I am more concerned with buying a replacement chain for my chain saw and getting after the palm tree. The gardener across the street borrowed my chain saw, got it stuck such that the chain came off, he put the chain on backwards and then worked like crazy trying to cut down a tree.

Why would WW not discuss with me her return prior to mentioning it to the DDs?

As far as the DDs sharing the treehouse, ever heard of time-share?

Pio,
I forgot to mention this to you the other day...I am no domestic goddess but I did buy myself the Dyson Animal ($500) and it is worth every penny...sucks up dirt, dust, hair like no other. I have 2 dogs and 1 cat not to mention the 3 beasts...I mean darling children who trash through the house as if it were a stadium. I have hardwood floors and area carpets and would never go back to an ordinary vacuum. No, I don't work for Dyson...could be a new career though...