LOL, my last post has a very unfortunate juxtaposition with your last post.

LMAO

Hey Kiwi <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />, nice to "see" you 2. Yummy, yummy to Antonio Banderas. I second that!

Kiwi , how is Australia taking the death of Steve Irwin? My daughters were big fans of him. They are still very sad with his horrible death. It was untimely, he was still so young and full of life and energy and goodness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Myrta, I'm not from Australia. Very close to Australia geographically, but New Zealand and Australia are different countries. It's like saying Puerto Rico and the US are the same country. BigKahuna is Australian and could tell you more.

Steve Irwin has had a private family funeral which is the way he and his family would have wanted it.

I'm pleased you and Stanley are on the upward path again. I like both of you very much. Like Pio says, you are honest - both of you are honest - and it IS refreshing.

OH MY GOSH. Kiwi <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I am sorry, I thought you were from Australia. I know those are two separate countries, duh!! LOL

Here in the united States was a big shock to learn about his death. HOrrible!

Yeah, Stanley and I, are cool now. I think this is it! cross my fingers <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. But things are really different now. We are really at ease,relaxed. And he told me that finally, he does not thik about the A . Is not in his mind when he wakes up. So, I am so glad, is really getting behind us now.

Kiwi, we both like you too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Myrta, don't worry about it. LOL, that's what I said to you after your first post to me. Sorry, I know you don't like to be reminded about that. It's funny now.

That is GREAT that Stanley doesn't think about it now. I'm sure he'd tell you if he really did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Myrta,

Don't let KiwiJ fool you. NZ is a suburb of Australia. NZ is where people go to get passports so they can easily immigrate to Australia. Just look at their flags. Australia only has one more star than NZ. That just means that, in Australia, you get a full breakfast, slippers by your bed and a bathrobe in the closet. In NZ, you have to pack your own and only get a continental breakfast.

Personally I prefer fewer stars. I never liked paying more money for services that I really don't need. Some of the best places I ever stayed in Europe were two star hotels. Clean sheets, clean towels, bed and private shower - what more do you need? Of course, having never been to NZ, I don't know if the sheets are clean or not.

That is fighting talk you, you, you... engineer.

Our sheets are the cleanest in the world. Our country is the cleanest in the world. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

DD said in one of her phone calls home that they have been told to watch out for BED BUGS. She said, eewwwww, bed bugs, I've never been NEAR a bed bug.

Well since ToddAC is not here to provide insightful song lyrics, I'm going to throw out the song I can't get out of my head:

Well let me tell ya a story bout a man named Jedd
Poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
Then one day he was shootin at some food
And up thru the ground came a bubblin crude

Oil that is … black gold…Texas tea

Well the first thing ya know ole Jedd's a millionaire
Kin folks said "Jedd move away from there"
Said Californie is the place ya oughtta be
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly

Hills that is…swimmin pools…movie stars


I don't really know what I have. I am sure the doctor told me I had HPV. I don't know the difference between HPV and HSV. I'm just glad I don't have HIV. I can't do a lot of internet research on HSV, HPV or any STD because all of our requests go through a proxy server.

Now here is the paradox. STD's run rampant here. I could explain why but prefer not to. But the logic is this: everyone is a loyal follower of God and as a loyal follower of God, they cannot disobey his commandments. Since they do not disobey his commandments, they cannot possibly get STD's because, to get STD's means they are not loyal followers of God. It is a vicious circle all based on a false premise. The end result is that the people who probably need to know the most about it are the ones denied access.

Or here goes an even better song:

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip,
that started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailin' man, the Skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost.
The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,
With Gilligan, the skipper too,
the millionaire and his wife,
the movie star,
the professor and Mary Ann here on Gilligan's Isle.

Now this is the tale of the castways, they're here for a long, long time,
they'll have to make the best of things, it's an uphill climb.
The first mate and the Skipper too, will do their very best,
to make the others comfortable, in the tropic island nest.
No phone, no lights no motor cars, not a single luxury,
like Robinson Crusoe, as primative as can be.
So join us here each week my freinds, you're sure to get a smile,
from seven stranded castways, here on "Gilligan's Isle."

KiwiJ,

I didn't make your flag. If you want more stars, call Michelin.

We don't have SPA's for men in Australia.

As I keep telling you PIO, NZ is listed as a State of Australia in the Australian Constitution.

But really, what's in it for Australia having NZ as part of Australia?

Well I personally wouldn't want NZ. I mean they can't even get along with each other. Had to dig a trench down the middle just to keep from killing each other.

Besides, they are so strict. Even million dollar babies can't carry an apple into their country.

Real men don't take bathes or showers either. That's what rain is for! [ Gee I wish it rained more here in Saudi ]

Oh, and I just want to say FOR the record that I never thought much of Ginger. Mary Anne, on the other hand - WOW!

I was watching the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks. I am thinking of going on the all coconut diet. It did wonders for him. I can see some serious advantages to that Island he was on. There would be no flies or mosquitoes - two things I detest. Since there was no food source prior to his arrival, those insects could not have survived. I am somewhat troubled by the dynamics of a small island where the tide comes in on all sides at the same time.

And before I forget, the foot exfoliation incident has had a huge impact on my life and all quite by accident. Probably my least favorite activity in all the world is putting on socks. I dread putting on socks. But since the bubble spa treatment, I have been putting cream on my feet and now the socks just slide right on. While this is a good thing, now I am struggling to look for my new least favorite thing to do since it is no longer putting on socks.

Ladies...I join the mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Antonio Banderas yummy club, although I have to say that ahead of him are Al Pacicno and Andy Garcia on my list of hot men.

Pio,
I think you are truly happy with DDs but this is only a part of your life...you are still in a quandry about G since now the ball is totally in her court and you have no control over her actions. You have detached as much as you can but sounds like the only way you will be able to protect your emotions completely would be to D and detach completely. I don't believe from what you've posted that is what you want, although there are times (same with me) that you convince yourself it is what you want and would be the best for the DDs. You know cognitively that it takes great work and time for recovery...you've counseled me on that but living through the long stretches between progress or no progress are the killers. Some days I feel like I am just existing and others miserable and yet I do still have days where I am genuinely ok as long as I don't let my mind wander.

I laid in bed thinking of your sitch and trying to put myself in G's shoes in the global sitch of your M. I could never move to another country away from family...I grew up in a close but dysfunctional family. I moved away as soon as I could to protect myself and stayed at a great distance (800+ miles) for the past 15 years. My kids barely knew their grandparents. I just recently (past 2 yr) decided life is too short and moved back to a comfortable travel distance (250 mi) from parents so that my kids could spend more time and get to know them and enjoy them.

I know you say G's family is dysfunctional but that doesn't mean she loves them, depends on them or is psychologically bound to them any less...usually it is more. Don't you think that maybe the geographic location may be playing more into this than you give credit or am I way off? What about your family and being near them? I understand that from your description things sound very comfortable with your job/home in SA but what about the culture as far as raising the girls? No disrespect intended, just wondering.

As far as your feet go...one word...YUCK...I don't believe a word you say...

I was also thinking of this saying last night when thinking of my own sitch...ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies...very applicable at the moment

HPV=human papilloma virus
There are more than 100 types of HPV. Most of them are relatively harmless, like the ones that cause common warts found on hands and feet. For most people, the body’s own defense system will clear the virus.
About 30 types of HPV affect the genital area:



“High-risk” types (such as HPV Types 16 and 18) can cause cervical cancer or abnormal cells in the lining of the cervix that sometimes turn into cancer.


“Low-risk” types (such as HPV Types 6 and 11) can cause genital warts and benign (abnormal, but noncancerous) changes in the cervix.




All types of genital HPV can cause abnormal Pap tests. And a person can have more than one type of HPV.
Women and men who have any kind of sexual activity involving genital contact with someone with HPV can get it. That means it's possible to get genital HPV without having intercourse. And, because many people who have the virus may not show any signs or symptoms, they can transmit the virus without even knowing it.

HPV is easily transmitted, so any exposure puts you at risk. In fact, it is estimated that many people get HPV within their first 2 to 3 years of becoming sexually active.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the only way to prevent genital HPV is to avoid any sexual activity that involves genital contact. You can help decrease your chances of getting genital HPV by:

Limiting your sexual partners


Staying in a long-term, exclusive relationship with someone who doesn’t have HPV


Using a condom—though it’s unknown how much protection from HPV condoms actually provide


HSV=herpes simplex virus
There are two different types of herpes virus, which are called HSV-1 and HSV-2. Most forms of genital herpes are HSV-2, however, a person with HSV-1 can transmit the virus through oral sex to another person's genitals.

HSV-1 causes the cold sores or fever blisters that appear on or around the mouth, lips, or nose of many people. Most people have a cold sore at one time or another. It can be transmitted (passed from person to person) by sharing eating utensils or from kissing someone with a cold sore.

The other type of herpes, HSV-2, is a sexually transmitted disease. It causes herpes sores in the genital area, and it is transmitted through intimate sexual contact (vaginal, oral, or anal sex), especially from unprotected sex. Because the virus does not live outside the body for long, you cannot catch genital herpes from an object, such as a toilet seat.

An individual who has been exposed to the genital herpes virus may not be aware of the infection and may never have an outbreak of sores. However, if a person does have an outbreak, the symptoms can cause significant discomfort. A person would first notice itching or pain, followed by sores that appear a few hours to a few days later. The sores, which may appear on the vagina, buttocks, anus, scrotum, or penis, start out as red bumps that soon turn into red, watery blisters. The sores may make it very painful to urinate. The sores then open up, ooze fluid or bleed, and then heal within the next 2 to 4 weeks. The entire genital area may feel very tender or painful, and the individual may have flu-like symptoms including fever and swollen lymph nodes. If a person has an outbreak in the future, the outbreaks will tend to be less severe and shorter in duration, with the sores healing in 3 to 4 days.

A person who has been exposed to genital herpes will notice genital itching and/or pain about 2 to 20 days later. The sores usually appear within days afterward.

What Can Happen?
After the herpes blisters disappear, a person may think the virus has gone away - but it's actually hiding in the body. Both HSV-1 and HSV-2 have the ability to stay hidden away in the body until the next herpes outbreak, when the virus reactivates itself and the painful sores return.

Over time, the herpes virus can reactivate itself again and again, causing discomfort and episodes of sores each time. Usually a person has about four to five herpes outbreaks each year - but in some people, the number of outbreaks will lessen over time. There is no cure for herpes; it will always remain in the body and can always be passed to another person with any form of unprotected sex. This is the case even if blisters aren't present on the genitals. Most cases of genital herpes are transmitted when symptoms are not present.

From site http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/stds/std_herpes.html

Hope you enjoyed our health and wellness class for today.

P.S. your choice in lyrics is telling...could be worse, could be a Barney song!

Which of the 130 pairs were you trying to imagine yourself in?



Try to imagine the USA (Southern USA) about 40 years ago. Most people who visit here think they are in West Texas except that the water doesn't smell bad.



I will remind the doctor on my next pap smear.



I only control half of that equation.

Seriously, thanks for the info.

Regarding your first paragraph, (well okay the second one because I don't count the one about Antonio Banderas), I think you pretty much have me pegged.

Seriously I am depressed and have been ever since G told DD1 she was coming home in two weeks. I was fine until then. Now I can't get it out of my head.



That's exactly what the Vietnamese lady at Walmart said.

LOL with your replies esp pap one...

Do you think that maybe G misses you. Yep, not the comforts of home or the pampering or even the DDs but just you? You've been together 9 years...gotta be some common thread left...try making a list of why you fell in luv with G

Next a list of what characteristics now made you fall out of luv with G...only list characteristics not the events,

Finally make a list of what is left and when/if she comes back start with those and try to build on those.

Tell her what you need besides the no A's and no lies...we all know that you are self-sufficient and could survive on your own...you've told G that (I've done the same)...

The WS needs to feel like they are needed, loved, admired, longed for...they need that excitement and adventure that started it all. It's hard to get from those to points when you are where we are but according to all the books and seasoned MBers here it can be done.

I think you have to want it so badly that you are willing to seriously start with a clean slate and squash your bitterness and resentment down the drain. Can't keep referring to the past...don't pretend it doesn't exist but in the beginning I think it serves you better to just try and create good feelings, fun memories, spontaniety and excitement to develop that want to be together, the strength to bite back the acid remarks etc.

Sometimes I really feel like ignorance is bliss...and then I wake up:)

Good morning All!

2much, thank you for the STD run down. I'm glad I wasn't eating. Between the ozing sores & the image of Pio's non-exfoliated feet, well...

Pio, my evasive! No! It's called political correctness, politness, ladylike behaviour, take your pick.

Funny thing about the poem that starts "There was a man from Nantucket..." I've heard several versions usually during baudy nights out. Whether there really is a poem or it's one of those you toss out a line to then others finish, I don't know.

One evening I went to a restaurant with a friend. We sat at the bar due to lack of seats. A man was sitting across from us reading books of poetry; guess he thought it made him look romantic. So my friend striks up a conversation about poetry asking if he knew the Nantucket poem. It was hard not to laugh at the romantic's expression. We were clearly uneducated clods who didn't understand "real" poetry.

2much,

I don't disagree but right now I have to see that G wants it before I can muster up much more energy. She has had the power to salvage this M for a very long time. She just hasn't bothered trying.

I am off to 2nd grade parents' night. Tomorrow is night for DD2 and Monday I start soccer coaching 7-8 yr old girls. I can hardly wait.

You're right 2much, you have to start from a clean slate & not bring up the past.

That's what I did with ex during our year of
"reconciliation"/"recovery".

This is how I handled the possibility of an affair: I asked, he denied. I told him if we had a chance to recover there couldn't be a third person in our marriage in any way, not physicaly not emotionally. He asked why not emotionally "just out of curiosity". I explained it all in MBese. He was uninterested & didn't believe the principles had merit. I took what I could get & did the best I could given the restrictions.

Because then h did not participate in a meaningfull in our recovery & likely was still involed at least emotionally with OW we did not recover. No surprise.

My point is during that year I truly did feel I wanted do whatever I could to make the marriage work. I let go the anger, fear, heartbreak, suspicion, you name it & really did all I could. Then h even thanked me for all I was doing & how it had changed things.

But, I only changed myself I couldn't change him or his desire for a new life. I look back & I don't regret it, I needed to do it for me & my boys. But, looking back, without a spouse fully on board wanting recovery it's a painfull waste.

Pio, for your own mental health you need firm boundries for g's return. Know for certain (as close to certain as you can get anyway) what has to happen for g to be let back in. Know for sure you really want her back.

I acted out of the desire to keep my family together & with the desire then h & I could have a different, better marriage. He didn't posess the will or the ability to do that & I wish I'd recognised that sooner.

Good morning--afternoon all.

Just popped in hoping to read something funny to cheer me up!

Those spa jokes were hhiillaarious! Thanks for the laugh. This thread can be a read page turner.

nams,

I don't think I have that much anger left over the A. For me, my M is dead. That is a good thing because, if we do have a chance at R, we will be trying to make something new - not salvage something we once had.

As I have said before, all G has to do is say she is going to fight for this M and I am quickly on board. I am not too excited about her attitude when she asks if it would be okay to go visit OM. It makes me think she doesn't quite get it.

I will repeat - the ball is in her court. She can either serve and ace or a double fault. That is all up to her. I know I sound tough and I am. But G has always had an amazing ability to melt me. She knows me pretty well.

I have also said before that I have no regrets for trying so hard this past year. Aside from G, it has all been good.

But MB is so fond of differentiating between W and WW. I do NOT want WW back. I would like someone back who will be a W, RWW, FWW, ExWW, whatever you want to call it. I don't know if G has that within her. Time will tell. I have no expectations one way or the other because all of it is beyond my control - as it should be.

I also agree that I need to stop DJing G so that I don't accidentally D G. She does need to feel that she has an opportunity. Basically I need to maintain NC and would have if she hadn't pulled that stunt of telling DD1 she was coming home.