No we don't say shrooms.

Regreted, I'm sure there's some truth in G's posts. Sorry, Pio but I can see that you may have been a heavy drinker and spent too much time on the computer BUT, Regreted, that is not a reason for an A. Nothing is a reason for an A. If G was unhappy with what was happening in her marriage she should have SPOKEN to Pio about it, she should have said she was unhappy, she should not have gone off and screwed the pool boy.

I've seen this up close and personal. If I had approached Rob and supported him when he was in a deep depression after the deaths of my father and his parents instead of putting it in the "too hard" basket and having an A a lot of misery could have been prevented.

BTW Todd, I think in a lot of ways that's what your w did when she found out about your illness.

Okay so maybe I'm not perfect. Point taken. If G was not happy, she should have asked to change it or asked for divorce. Those were right choices.

I have tried to change all those wrongs as best I can. Some of them I changed even before her A. I am the one who asked G to post here. If I had anything I wished to hide, I never would of had her post.

So regreted, is this the best you can do? If it makes you happy to slam me here, go ahead. I really don't care.

You should be spending your time working on saving your M but now doing it based on truth. If you want to try to work on your M, as I said before, you will have my full support as long as you are completely honest with your H.

On a different and somewhat more serious subject, I was thinking today. It occurred to me that when you are in NC, your WW has no opportunity to fill any of your EN's.

Okay, a confession: it is not true that Australian wine is bottled in Oregon and Washington. That was strictly to get a rise out of BigK. By now, we are three pages forward and he will learn soon enough.

As for how to tell, read labels. Go to the manufacturer's website. Write or call the manufacturer.

On a somewhat related subject, it irks me how the mass media has been complicit in the explosion of credibility of activist groups. Here's a good example. Remember the Center for Science in the Public Interest? Bunch of scientists who tested movie theater butter popcorn and told us it was laden with fat. In truth, the group was formed by Ralph Nader and consists of radical activists whose goal is to overhaul the nation's food system. This is America so their goal is okay but their camaflouged purpose is not. The list goes on and on.

Jen, sorry I am lost. Can you please elaborate?

Righteous!

You are quick.

Wow, I thought I had issues and chaos in my life!

[color:"red"] Pio [/color] -the "2 much" pill is bitter but it was called the "Pio" pill while it was still patented...the "2much" pill is just the generic version...much more available and affordable to all socio-economic groups! I myself am having compliance issues with my "Pio pills" I am already wondering which direction I go when my 30days are up. I was plagued today with holding my tongue re: some bad intel passed on by the H that I happened to find counter info on...yes I had a little snoop off the wagon, must admit all it did was set me back psychologically.

We agreed I should gauge everything based on actions which overall despite some erratic behavior has shown small but consistent gains. His verbal stuff is very inconsistent but he warned me not to pay attention to what he says because it is all emotionally charged reaction.

Did I mention he asked if we had a MC appt this week? WTH...last session was when he stormed out stating he wanted a D! I just hate being lied to...I guess they don't just stop lying cold turkey they kind of wean themselves off the lies? I just got a book from the library that I'll update you on called "When Your Lover is a Liar"

Funny, when I stopped smoking over a decade ago I went cold turkey and haven't touched one since. I still have the urge for one when I'm stressed though. Does it work the same with A's...do you long for the company of others when you are miserable in your M but resist b/c you know you are weak to resist in this area?

I think I will take up the rubberband therapy someone here recently mentioned...sorry can't keep up with who said what anymore. It's hard enough to get through a day of postings and have time to comment:)

[color:"red"] Nams [/color] it looks like you talked yourself out of your dilemna. Good for you. I think if I returned to dating that I would be publicly announcing my "No intent to marry" as well...could get a tattoo to be really subtle with a ghostbuster cirle with 2 wedding rings inside???? Hmmmmmm I should see if it exists. No french offense intended...I love french onion rings, french toast and french roast...see I am not politically incorrect! Was that you or Luna who posted about the frog fingers????

Sorry, off the track again the big but is that if I met the right person I think all my walls would diminish and I'd seriously consider it. Most damaged folks are like that...yep, I now consider myself damaged goods...is that bad??? They are a hot bargain in most stores...but you never know if the damage has affected the contents or not...very true in real life too!

[color:"red"]ToddAC [/color] what's up with the WS, all you have been chatting about is Billie Jean...do you like the MJ Billie Jean too? If so I saw some reference to Thailand?

All other TKO posters( [color:"red"]Kiwi, BK, Believer, Luna, Larousse, Cinderella [/color] )...greetings and warm wishes! Gotta run to soccer!!!

Regreted,

as I told you before I had a girlfriend from your state at the university. I may be wrong but I feel you have some of her character caracteristics. She was very proud and she was ready to jump to what she percieved as unfair comments or disrespect comments.

It maybe difficult for you to understand that here in MB the words, the language towards the infidel, women or men can be so harsh and at the same time the site and most people is in favor of recovery, reconcilation or at least a healthy, honest, life in the future. This dicotomy is based in the concept that the WW or WS is out of his mind during the affair. While you lie to your husband you are under the influence of the fog that allowed your affair.

I have nothing against you but I believe that facing all you have done to you and to your marriage is too much for you. I have the impression that deep down you know your husband wouldn't kill himself or hit you more but that's just my impression. As Kiwi said, only you know your situation.

Pio and Todd are very fast with words and if you want to play to to be offensive with words with them you'll get very hard words. I feel that Pio has not anything personal agains you. He critisize your WW side or behavior, not you as a person or woman.

About the smartness comments... I bet you are smarter than me, not hard really. You may have a computation degree or something like that. I just work with words and part of my job has been to anylise (for Kiwi) analyze ideas and to verify information about cultural topics. It comes natural to me to try to get the big picture of concepts as a professional habit and I don't see that as personal smartness.

What you may have not done is to read or reread the MB concepts. Ideas as Love Busters, disrespect judgements, angry outburst, are helpful to improve communication with other people not just the spouse.

The Policiy of Radical Honesty is necesary to avoid new infidelities and to help the Betrayed spouse to recover the trust in the WW or BS. As long as you feel that it's ok to keep things hiden from your husband you would be in risk of commiting another infidelity.

Regreted, leave your proud away from this forum. You don't have to go from here. You just have to learn to learn to read what people is telling you. More than a place to vent or to complaine I see the forums as a place to learn from others and to get their help to improve ourselves as partners and persons.

Good post Larousse.

Todd I meant that your wife seems to have done what I did. Couldn't cope or face a hard and serious situation so chose to shelve it.

I wasn't looking for an A and, if the OM hadn't turned up just when he did, I wouldn't have had an A. But I was in the right frame of mind I guess. Things weren't much fun at home - Rob had totally withdrawn from everyone and everything and it was tempting to have some excitement in my life. I may be quite wrong but I think that's what your w did.

After counselling and my MC pointing out that I'd behaved like a selfish 5 year old and not like a mature woman, I have vowed never to let my thinking get that way again.

I don't know. She is being nice. She called me when I returned from visiting my friend and wanted to know if I had a good time. The time is coming for me to challenge her lying and let her know that R is hanging by a thread and that she has the scissors. If she continues to lie, it is over. I expect her to lie. She is either protecting OM, in her mind, or following orders from her best friend, you know, "deny until you die".

Hi Jen,

I understand. There was plenty for her to be confused and upset about. Her Mother died three years before the onset of her A. Our youngest son went off to college two or three years before. I got sick. She started menopause. Went back to work and hated her job. All sorts of reasons to be unhappy.

I am willing to forgive her and move forward. She first has to be honest and stop repudiating her own confession that she had an affair. I have proof.

Yes, I know. I hope she will do the right thing.

Anyway, it's a glorious spring day here and my garden is calling me.

Talk to you all soon.

Post deleted by regreted

Looks like the spike of HIGH emotion has leveled out a bit.

regreted, I have not posted to you before. As many people here have pointed out to you there are key things you are not seeing.

You talk about OS being the worst thing for your H to find out about & to get past. This is one reason you say you are so worried he will find out. You have known this about your H yet you were willing to have OS with another man. Do you understand your H finding out is not the bad part? It's the OS with the other man. You say you do but you don't act like it. Your behavior is what counts.

You also talk about being sorry for your actions, about taking responsibility for your actions. This is not something you do with words alone. It's easy to say you take responsibility. It's very hard to do what you need to do to take responsibility, to be open & honest, to change your actions.

People are telling you your words do not match your actions. Read here about MB principles & what needs to be done & do it. Don't take what serves your purpose & leave the things that may be hard for you.

Jen - that is truely hilarious.

Debate? I don't remember no debate!!

Todd - We actually produce and export a LOT of Australian Wine DUH.

Luna, I'll figure you're yanking my chain on this dating issue. But just to be clear, I am NOT attached to this man. I am NOT thinking about marriage with him.

If he had not said he didn't want to remarry I wouldn't have had any dilemma at all. We could have gone out like to normal dating people. Gotten to know each other over the course of months during which his preference for staying single would have presumably come up.

At that point I would have had a choice to make. Keep seeing the man, deepening our relationship or go our separate ways because we see different things in our futures.

As it happened the information about his desire to not remarry came out on our first date. This tells me a couple of things about him. He feels strongly enough about staying single to mention it on a first date. He wants me to have the information so I can decide if I want to proceed.

Normally remarriage wouldn't even cross my mind on a first date, or second, third etc...but he brought it up so it must be something he felt I should know. Therefore, it became a topic to consider regarding whether to see him more or not.

Like Yellow Tail?