You raise a good point Myrta. Pio can only know G's intentions when he sees her & speaks to her.

I do think he needs to be clear with himself about what he needs, what he can expect, & what G is capable of.

For me, I would have taken then h back in a heartbeat even during the beginning phase of our D without taking into consideration my needs for a happy future marriage. Even knowing MB principles & believing their worth, I felt I could fix more than I really could doing the work alone.

No because I don't want to discourage anyone from posting what is on their mind. We are not here to placate my feelings. We are here to try to see if recovering my M is possible and what I need to do to achieve that. Criticism is always welcome if it is meant constructively. So far the only person who has not tried to be constructive is regreted. But her posts never bothered me either.

Well I won't discuss it here because I always wonder if G is a lurker but bigKahuna has made a very compelling argument in the past to do exactly what you suggest. I remember it daily.

Didn't mean to leave out ToddAC.

WW just called to apologize for her conduct last night. She said that she had just returned from having dinner with a friend whose Mother committed suicide and that it put her in a "funny" mood and that is why she took it out on me. I told her that an apology followed by an explanation for what she did what she did was not an apology but an excuse. She didn't get it. I explained that an apology should stand on its own two feet and that when she tries to explain why she did something, she is shifting responsibility from her to, in this case, her friend's mother. I told her I had to go. It was a short conversation.

Why couldn't you just say thank you? The conversation would have been even shorter.

The one nagging thought I always stuffed to the back of my mind was, how would I feel about then h's betrayal when all was said & done had we recovered.

I was so h..l bent on recovering the marriage I didn't stop to think if I really could live with him after all.

You know, it's only recently, since I've come to this thread really, that I've dealt so directly with ex as a WS. It's been very helpful to me & a friend remarked on a change in my behavior toward ex just last night. She said I seemed more comfortable with him. I really think it has to do with coming to better terms with then h's betrayal & that it was his choice even if our marriage was in a bad state.

I was very quick to take on lots of the blame for our marital problems. Not so much that ex went to another person, but that he feel out of love with me based mainly on my behavior. Not allowing as much as I should have how his behavior toward me caused distance & problems between us. I feel out of love with him in our marriage but I recognized that, didn't want it & set about recovering my love for him.

What is people say about trying to teach our partners?

Have you decided Todd that NC is not what you want to do?

Well the one nagging thought I always stuffed to the back of my mind was: why did you go from "nam" to "nams"?



I think a lot of that depends on WH's response to recovery. It is not fair to ask yourself this hypothetical and it is totally moot. If you had truly recovered then, by definition, you would have accepted it. At some point the wayward has to fight for the M too or there will be no recovery.

Yes, right, the WS has to fight for the marriage or there is no recovery. Clearly I was willing to settle for less.

I changed from nam to nams because a while back, before you joined MB, there was a restructuring of the boards. Many people were unable to sign in using their old names & had to make new ones to access the boards.

I doubt that. All of us embarking on a Plan A are settling for less. We are just hopeful that it will get much better. We also begin smothered in fear. Later we find out that the fear was groundless. For me to have a partial M to G is unacceptable. I respect me more than that.

Not at all. I don't have caller ID here thus don't have the capability to screen calls. I do have voice mail but it is unreliable.

I learned to repect myself more than that but fear did have a strong hold on me for a long time.

OS has finally gotten his teenage body out of bed so I'm going to take him out for breakfast.

See y'all later.

Pio....the problem that I see with your love bank, is that Gemela never fill up your account too well. But you were a happy go lucky kind of guy, that was happy with "what" she was giving you, or "not giving you".

Thats why your "love bank" is completely empty. She has not been a good investor.

My oppinion of course. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Maybe gemela needs to do some creative financing?

I know I will be criticized for this but I have been struggling for a very long time trying to come up with my EN's. This has been very hard. I have wondered if I even have any. There is nothing in my life that would make me feel diminished by not having. I gave up pickles and celery for gemela and got along okay. I did love making Flash games but I gave that up for gemela. Now I have no interest in Flash.

I can't really think of things that make me happy. I was not unhappy prior to the A. Now I am unhappy with the WW. I have been fairly happy the last few weeks. I like my work again. I am very enthusiastic about what I am doing. It has almost gotten to the point that NOT living with gemela is my only EN. I say this openly because I want you to understand how difficult it is for me to want her back. I realize I have to give her the opportunity but I don't want it myself. This depresses me.

Maybe she will come back and say all the right things and change my mind. I just have to wait and see. I am not anxious about it and I'm not really looking forward to it. Time will tell. I am not completely writing off the M just yet but you were correct when you said I am mentally divorced. That is exactly how I feel. I was also advised to get myself into that frame of mind and it was good advice.

Nams,

Can you please find another acronym for OS? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

What does OS mean anyway? As nams uses it.

Since Nams is out eating breakfast with OS....I'll give it a shot...Older Son?

Sometimes I have seen things like OS in relation to a son from an affair. I think OC may mean something like that. I assumed nams meant a son instead of the OTHER thing but it is confusing.

ToddAC,

I see you have a lot of anger. Now I remember where I have seen you before. It was in the mirror when I was shaving this AM. You and I really need to get to the bottom of our anger and deal with it. I am telling you this as a friend. Your anger does not serve you. It masters you.

BTW,

I sent you an email. I need to talk. I will follow that one up tomorrow with more detail. I need your help.

And will someone please own up to sending an email to regreted?