WW called earlier to apologize. Out of the blue. She didn't say she was apologizing for her affair, just that she apologized. I left it alone. She has never apologized before. I thanked her. She said she wanted to work things out. I told her we had much to discuss and that honestly is critical to me. She said she understood and would be honest. I have my doubts but we'll see.

I had mentioned way back before I moved out that she and I had discussed moving to a lake/golf community approx. 90 minutes from here. She brought that up and said she wanted to move there. I told her we'll see. My problem is I am not sure how I feel about her anymore. Maybe it is a coping mechanism on my part but again, the trust and honesty issue is huge and I am not sure how to ever trust her again. Nonetheless, I tried the keep the conversation positive or neutral.

Todd, I'm glad you liked the photographs. I love them.

When we were in this place called Las Encantadas, one day we had only one boat, the boat left him in the only island with snakes, the poison ones, and took us to other island, we were carring the antidote shots. Six hours later we came back to pick him up. He was cheerful as always and had taken great pics of owls. He has mastered the art of knowing the birds behavior and waiting for them.
Todd that Grisoft AVG and anti spy really works. I was going comando, the lap top I mean, lol, and that spyware really cleaned all the intrudes and left my modem conection better than ever.

I think Nam posts have more to do with the influence of the X-Files, she is used to the unexpected and surreal now.

Hola Luna, I bet the friend will take care of your PC, you can share recipes anytime. Even Todd wants to learn some recipes and I think Pio's DD's would thank you some gourment improvement to their father cooking abilities.

Me thinks Pio love G and G loves Pio, they have just having a weir dance since some months ago.

I know no one wants to go through this and I apologize if it came across that way!

Ask all the questions you want, I don't mind. Especially if it helps you help me.

Todd congratulations on your behavior during the phone talk with your WW.

Harley says that a couple has to fall in love and stay in love to recover and improve a marriage after an affair.

In this weekend repetition of the weeks radio program he speaks about the need of the BS of some kind of revenge or to forgive and he says that the BS post affair has to get a compensation. That compensation is conteined in the 4 stepts to recover from and affair.
1 To remove all the condition that lead to an affair. BS behavior if there was one but specially the circumstances that permited the affair: independent behavior, friends, work...
2 The Policy of Radical Honesty.

The other two I can't find them, I know the Tejan celebrity with the funny hairdo has a link to them.

Todd hear the radiorebroadcast of Harley program.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

Honesty in a WW is a process, they learn that is safe to say the true and that it's the only way they can recover the love of the BS but in most cases it takes time.

I thought you meant the tequila for a moment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />




I am happy that it worked for you. The person who told me about AVG is an IS type of person. She said that she has run Norton and McAfee and found no viruses, then ran AVG and found viruses. Grisoft is based in the Czech Republic or whatever they are calling themselves this month.

Do you run anti-spyware? If so, which one? Highly recommend Ad-Aware. You will need to buy the license because it offers spyware blocking.

BTW, do not run more than one AV program. It is counterproductive. When I bought my HP notebook last month, it came with Norton Internet Security already loaded on it. The first thing I did was to delete it and install AVG.

Hi stph20,

Welcome, my friend to the thread that never ends. ELP.

We have never met. I hang out here in Pio's thread, ducking from time to time and trying to stir the pot and get a few laughs.

What are your top five EN's? Question du jour.

Are you interested in mine?

Stph - recovery is impossible if they work together

Of course Jen, lay it on me.

Very nice to meet you ToddAC

my top 5 EN's?

1.Honesty and openness
2.Affection
3.Recreational companionship
4.Financial support
5.Conversation

The other ones are important to me too though. I haven't really given it too much thought yet.

She is leaving that job in November.

1. Admiration (I'm an admiration junkie like G)
2. Sexual Fulfillment (self explanatory)
3. Conversation (Go nuts if I can't have lots of talking - not just me talking either surprisingly enough)
3. Physical Attractiveness (not looks but grooming and nice clothes)
4. Financial Support (legacy from my background and I didn't know it was one until Rob was laid off from his job - Rob buying the bookshop filled a huge need in me)
5. Recreational Companionship (doing things together is essential for me)

I didn't have any anti virus or ant spyware, therefore this Grisoft thing really helped.

Pio I hear the warning, it's very funny and educative.Now I feel guilty. I h

Am there...Doing that...

Feelings are feelings. They mean nothing in the greater scheme. Don't let this be a hurdle.

BTW don't make the mistake of thinking that honesty and openness only applies to A related things. It can be hatching plans and schemes that are kept from your spouse. It can be omitting to tell all the important things that happen during the day. It can be not mentioning that you're planning an outing or holiday (vacation) that your spouse doesn't know about it. It can be holding things back about your past.

You probably have many malware programs on your computer. Download a freeware version of Ad-Aware, update and run it and let us know how many malwares it found.

Strange that pink shorts are absent from that list. I would not have guessed.

Pink shorts are right up there. Didn't you see I said nice clothes?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Honesty and openness are important to me because before the A, we were totally honest about every aspect of our lives. I trusted that and he betrayed it, which is why the A hurts so much. He was my absolute best friend whom I told everything to and continued to do while he was cheating on me! UGH!!

Anyway, it was always an important part of our R before and I want that back.

When will you be divorced?

stph20,

This thread is really strange but don't worry about your posts being "lost". They all get read and responded to. We just have a lot on the table. Think of it like Douglas Adams' Italian Bistro. There is a method to the madness.