My wife of 12 1/2 years, has left myself and our three minor children. We were having some tense moments for about a week, and a "friend" of the family was her consoling shoulder. She has since had an affair with him, and continues to be with him physically. I have been told by many, Pastors, friends and aquaintances, that this is something that will "blow over", that she'll eventually come to a realization of what she "had" what she "has" and what she will never "have", and will find her way home.<BR>Anyone with experience in this area, a woman who has perhaps gone through the same thing? Can I, seriously anticipate her to return to myself, our children and the marriage? NO I don't intend to put my life on hold, but I love her and wish very much for it to work out. We have very strong beliefs in God and I believe that He will convict her of her wrongs, and she'll realize, perhaps suddenly, that I was the guy she wanted. Just looking for someone with experience to share with me.<P>Is there, perhaps something I can do, say or try that might move the process along a little faster. Not only am I suffering at her absence, but also each night she spends with this guy is causing my heart to grow colder, little by little.<P>Any help or advice or encouragement, if there is any to be found, would be greatly appreciated and recieved.<P>Michael and Children<BR>

Micheal,<P>Hello. Sorry you are posting under your current circumstances. I know some of how it feels to hurt like you do now. I also know a little of how it feels to be where your W is. I never actually left my H but I did betray. I wish there were words to convey the remorse, regret, and pain I deal with each day because of that action. I did come to the realization of what I had, what I would be giving up (the most wonderful man in the world). What convinced me of that was during that time he continued to be wonderful despite what I was doing to him. He pursued me gently. He let me know that he loved me more than anything in this world and that I was so important to him that life without me would have no meaning for him. He also let me know that he could and did forgive me. When I saw he was capable of that kind of love, it woke me up to what I was doing to him. All I wanted was to make it up to him (I'm still trying 14 years later).<P>There is hope. Does your W say she is in love with om? Does she say she still loves you? Is she confused and unsure of what she feels (this is how I felt, but guilt and depression- which seemingly your W is in- masks and confuses feeling). You seem to indicate that the affair is just beginning. That's how it was for me, also. My h. continued display of loving kindess toward me pulled me back. I'm not saying he was a door-mat without dignity. He simply made it clear that he loved and wanted me more than anything else in this world (that's what won me back).<P>There are men on this site who are going through exactly what you are. I'm sure some of them will respond. I've just told you my experince. You have a long and painful road ahead, even if W comes home. Its not easy. One thing I've learned, however, is that if you want to be in a place of reconcillation, you have to be willing to forgive; you have to try to stay out of that place where your heart is growing cold. Good luck to you.

Michael - Hey man - I feel for you. My brief history:<P>W left me in June for OM - is now living with him. We have no kids. 1 month ago, W filed for divorce (we've been married for nearly 6 years). OM is a married man himself with 4 kids. He is a rich, foreign executive who has an "arrangment" with his W who lives in Germany with the kids.<P>My W left befor I had a real chance to do Plan A. (If you are not familiar with Dr. Harley's concepts, I STRONGLY recommend you to read his basic concepts located on this site, and get his book "surviving an Affair" I just checked it out of the library).<P>What you are and will experience will be the worst kind of pain imaginable. I've been living in this hell for 4 months now. Here's what I recommend you do:<P>1. First - get to your doctor and have him/her put you on some anti-depressant medication. VERY IMPORTANT. These anti-deps are not addictive and they effectively take you out of the "suicide zone" of the depression that will sink in.<P>2. Expect the depression to manifest itself in the following ways - weight loss most people here will tell you that they lost betwee 15-50 pounds. I lost 23 pounds myself. Loss of sleep - I found that for the first 2 months I could fall asleep somewhat normally, but would wake up about 2-3 hours later and not be able to get back to sleep. Uncontrollable crying jags - these come anytime/anyplace. Expect them.<P>The anti-depressant medication takes 2-3 weeks to kick in. Get on them NOW!!!<P>There have been cases where the W returned home. RWD (who posts here often), his W was just dumped by the OM and she is considering returning. Certainly there are many of us in the same position as you...Chris(CA123), me, izzy, awoken, to name just a few. I find that there are many H's who return than W's, but that may be because there are more H cheaters than W cheaters represented on this forum.<P>THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS WILL BE THE WORST IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. I sincerely hope you're a spiritual man Michael. If not, please consider becoming one. There are many of us here who strongly believe (know) that faith in God and His Son Jesus is the only way that you will come out of this stronger. Place your problems at the feet of the Lord...He will NEVER betray or leave you.<P>Finally, come here often and write. Share your feelings and experiences. There are many, many kind and generous people here that are more than willing to help you. Ask questions - I ask many of the former betrayers here on the forum to help me understand what the mind set is like. I have become very close (in my heart) to them because they are so helpful as they work through their pain.<P>God bless you Michael. What your friends are telling you is correct...the statistics are CLEARLY on your side. Your W will crash and burn - the question is whether you want to be there to pick up the pieces. It's easy for me to say these things to you but difficult for me to believe that they are true in my situation. You see, I've read 15 books on infidelity...I can share what the experts say. However, it certainly is hard to believe when you are on the receiving end.