I'm confused too...

So is patience really the key?

stph20,

You shouldn't be. Something you posted yesterday struck a nerve. It was the pedestal post. Myrta posted something similar. Husbands should never believe their wives are perfect. I think that, more than anything, is where I failed gemela. I never recognized that she wasn't perfect.

But, my H realized after we lived together that I wasn't perfect and he has a hard time dealing with that now, because I've made so many mistakes and disappointed him in so many ways that we couldn't even imagine over the years and he harbors resentment towards me now. He holds everything against me and has now left me. I'm sure you don't feel that way toward Gemela. Right?

Can y'all please post in English? I am so confused.

Hey, my x never realized that I am perfect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> He never realized that he isn't perfect.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Actually, I sort of think he expected perfection of me - especially to be a perfect neatnik clone of his mother. And, when I couldn't measure up, he shut down.

There may be something to this pedestal idea.

Absoultely. I was reading your thread and the desperation of your posts reminded me of me a few months go. I hesitate to go back and read my first threads. But the other factor is that things will likely not happen for the BS in the order that we want them.

Okay Pollyanna version. WS recognizes error. WS begs forgiveness. WS wallows in remorse. WS professes eternal love for BS and WS promises undying devotion forever. BS decides to forgive and BS allows WS back into the M. WS and BS live happily ever after.

Now, all those things can happen and maybe even need to happen. But they will almost never occur in that order nor will they occur within the timeframe that the BS "needs".

BigK allowed the order to change. Most successful recoveries have done the same. They have studied the Harley principles, believed in them and followed them. It won't always work. But it does have a better than average success rate and it is a plan that makes sense.

It just requires a lot of faith and patience on the part of the BS (oh, and strength too).

Wrong. I do hold everything against her. She had no excuse to have the A. It just doesn't matter.

Well Pio,,,I am so glad that I was able tohelp you sort out yourself. See?? Hulks can be good people too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

Really happy for you, you seem very optimistic, if I must say. I am glad for you and Gemela. I hope she does not dissapoint you, and she comes back a new improved woman.

And that would make a difference because....?

I'm not sure she can any more.

I've only been dealing with this for a month and am already going crazy. How can I deal with this for another few months or longer?? Especially not knowing if it's going to be a sure thing (him coming back).

I told you I was one confused BS!! I still feel that desperation and panic a lot.

I'm just ready for this to be over and go on with my life. I'm too old for this! We should be starting our family soon like we always planned on.

Oh no Piojitos...you are wrong. WWs can be very dissapointing, for a longgggggggg time.

Dr. Bannon was a good person - just had a bad temper. Of course, if I grew that much in size but kept my same pants on, I would be pretty pi**ed off too.

I know she had no excuse, but I was put on a pedestal and disappointed H in different ways. What doesn't matter?

What I am trying to tell you.....dont have any expectations. Is better not to have any expectations, and you will pleasantly surprised. Rather than, thinking everything is going to be "perfect" and you find out is something different. You are doing in it again. Just because you have the realization of Gemela not being perfect, does not mean that eveyrthing will be ok now. You BOTH have still a lot of work ahead of you. Have no expectations or very low ones, and you will not be dissapointed.

Well the first few weeks are the hardest. Remember you were trying to make a plan where your H would fall in love you in three weeks? You do develop patience and it does get easier.



Okay now I AM laughing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That's my point. I have zero expectations. Set the bar that low and you can never be disappointed.

I am in a situation where I have nothing left to lose and everything to gain. Where is the downside potential? There is none. Regardless of what happens, it will only be an improvement. And I have nothing but time.

I needed plan A to work in those 3 weeks, but as it turned out anyway, he moved out a week later, so it didn't matter.

Why are you laughing at me? This is making me feel very old!

Terrific. Now I have the added burden of being responsible for Pio's recovery.