Actually she should go to JFO on that OTHER web site. Then she would see how bad it really can be. MB is a blessing.

BTW, why is BigK now call you "stef". Isn't it still ToddAC? Why have you suddenly changed to stef?

Why was my name just changed?? And why wasn't I involved in the changing of it? I don't mind, I've been called worse, just curious.

I know everyone here knows what I'm going through, and I'm happy that I've found you, but what kills me is that one minute I'm fine with whatever is going to happen and the next minute I'm in panic mode.

I think I'm a pretty stable person. I like things neat, organized and secure. My life is not like that anymore and I can't handle it.

I can't stand this limbo. I'm not good at the "waiting game". I'm afraid one day soon, WH is going to win. I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

You guys have my utmost respect and admiration for holding out as long as you have.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to give up and I do want to save my M, but it's KILLING me. I try to take it one day at a time, but it's hard, as you all know.

Every day I come home, I hope to see his truck in my driveway, waiting for me to tell me that he wants to be with me again, or I hope for him to call me and tell me that. I don't wait for it, but I hope for it. I'm not disappointed that it hasn't happened yet.

I've read all through this site and SAA, but I'm still having a hard time grasping what's going on in his head and how he can be so different from the man I married.

I also need another piece of advice. His birthday is in a week and a half. Given our current circumstances, do I get him a gift or no?? I'm having a tough time with this one.

Not only that, but our anniversary is 2 weeks after that. How do I handle THAT?!?

No, I am staph.

Now that is a waste of time. Why try to understand insanity? Better to spend your time trying to cure it.

When you get desperate, in a panic, angry, depressed, whatever - come here and post. You can get through this. I swear you talk about roller coaster of emotions, living in panic - that was me 1 year ago and for about 6 months. A lot of really kind people helped me here. They are still on the job. Even now, 5 days ago I was convinced I wanted D. Now Myrta has convinced me to R. So even now I go to extremes. I used to do that several times a day. Now I do it every few days.

There is no quick fix for this. First and foremost is that you have to find a way to get NC established.

Stef,

You need to breathe hon. Settle down. Stick to a good Plan A. Click on the link to Plan A in my signature below. Snoop on him and be sure the affair is really over - You already know I am positive he is still having sex with her. You have to end the affair to have any hope.

Don't be desperate, needy or clingy. And DON'T have SEX with him!!! Don't let him eat cake. Regardless of how horny you are feeling.

Okay stph20, you asked for it. The other members in this thread groan.

When I was growing up, in my barber shop was a shoe shine stand. Above the chairs that the patrons sat in was a sign that read:

I felt sorry for myself
Because I had no shoes
Until I met a man
With no feet.

I will give you my own timeline. In November 2005, I was diagnosed with a "large brain tumor." The next month, I confronted my WW of 36 years that I knew she had been having an affair. She denied it of course. The next month, she finally confessed. The following month, February, was our wedding anniversary. I had cleaned the house and cooked a special dinner for WW when she got home from work. She was over two hours late. When I checked her cell log online later, she had called OM. She was with OM on our anniversary. He must have been distraught knowing it was our anniverary and she went to him to sooth him.

Everyone's sitch is relative and unique to us. We create and live in our own private he!!s. As my tagline says, don't try to look too far ahead. Take it slow. Don't expect miracles at this point, but similarly, don't expect the worst.

On DD, I ran, not walked, through the house hitting the wall as hard as I could with my fist. I hit a stud every time. For the next few days, my hand was swollen to twice its normal size.

We have all been where you are right now. It takes time. I am so much better now than the first month it is incredible. Don't misunderstand me, I will never trust my WW again whether we get back together or not. And I harbor overwhelming feelings of vindictiveness towards the OM, whom I know well.

Our sitch's are all relative. None is worse than the other because to us, they are the worst moments we can ever face. Our spouses have taken something, intimacy and exclusivity, and given it to another. Worse in my opinion is the fact that they were full of deceit and lies to cover their escapades.

Take it slow. Make your mind and your emotions your ally; not your enemy.

[groan]

Exactly.

All to help stph20, no more, no less.

Of course, I am mindful it won't help her at all.

It's Stef now dammit. Keep up boys.

Sorry BigK.

stef stef stef stef stef stef stef.....

LOL Thanks Todd

Okay, where is everyone?

Post soon or suffer thru song lyrics or a poem. I may even post one of my own poems.....

Quick... someone.... anyone.....

How do you know that stph = stef? How was that connection made? I did a search on her thread and found no "stef". So why stef? Seems presumptuous. Maybe her patron saint is Saint Phil. Or maybe she is waiting on the STupid PHone 20 hours a day for WH to call.

ToddAC = staph

Interesting he chosen an infection for which there is no cure. Freudian slip?

Well what is Stph about? How do you even say that? I prefer Stef - I asked for comments. Trying to change it after the fact now is just too late.

She's about 26 or 27.

Oh and by the way, I consider myself damn lucky to have saved my marriage. Divine intervention. I was really lucky folks. Honestly, all I know is I worked the program and it worked. But a lot of people, particularly my friends on this thread had it a lot worse than I did.

I do know MB works. If you can end the affair and follow the MB program, you will end up crazy about each other again. Or maybe that's just crazy.

stph20,

In case you hadn't noticed, bigK gets royalty payments from Dr. Harley. (just kidding - geez).

Where is that ToddAC Haiku anyway?

I have not saved my M but if it hadn't been for MB (and I have said this many times), I would already be divorced.

MB gave me a strategy for surviving the fog. I didn't always adhere to it perfectly but all cases are a little unique - just like that uniquely special bond between Your WS and the OP that only those two have ever known. The fog is a very confusing time for the BS. It helps to have a road map rather than figure everything out on your own. It did take me some time to understand what Plan A was all about.

MB is not a formula per se. I choose to think of it more as guidelines. I think what bigK is referring to is something I have not quite gotten to yet. But I can see the logic in the methods. I will definitely implement it as best I can in my sitch given the opportunity.

As it is now, things are looking positive. Crossing my fingers.

well Pio optimism is always a good start.

and who is Stph20?

my poor wayward wife,
if only she were honest!
how our lives would change...