Wonder what the missing ingredient is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It's been busy since I've been gone!

Todd, I'm so sorry the talk with WW didn't go well. It's good to see you can keep your sense of humor. When was Dday for you?

DD was January 15, 2006.

Todd, I didn't realise that your DD was so recent.

Here's my shame.

DD#1 October 21 2003 (Edited I just checked)
DD#2 June 12(?) 2006

January is considered recent?

Boy, have I got a lot to learn...

stph, January is VERY recent.

You remind me of BobPure, he always said if this isn't all fixed in a couple of months I'm giving up.

I pointed out to him that 2 years is how long it usually takes.

I have BobPure's take on all of this.

My problem is, WH plans on filing for D in 6 months, foggy or not.

It took the couple in SAA 2 years, but I thought that was a really long time. I didn't know it was average. Is it really worth it to wait that long?

It's like putting your life on hold, waiting for something that might not even happen. Who can do that? What I mean is, who is strong enough to do that?

My Dday was August 19 and I'm ready for the A to be over and for H to come home to *start* fixing things.

I miss my husband.

stph, I've just checked your original thread and have seen that your H's A has been going for 3 months. The average lifespan of an A is 9 months. Mine was for 18 months but I would say the last 9 months of that were trying to extricate myself from it. In fact the last 9 months of it were EA and not PA.

I don't want to go on about you being young but when you see things from my age, 2 years is a drop in the ocean and if you intend to be married for 30+ years like I've been it's worth it to put in the effort.

While the A is going on there's not a lot you can do except prove to your H that you are the best proposition for a wife that he has.

I can see where you're coming from. I'm looking at from a different perspective because I am so young. 2 years will put me at 28, and in that time, I'd be able to move on with my life, if I knew he wasn't coming back.

So, I basically have about 6 months to go before anything can be done. I'm hoping things will start looking up in November when she leaves that job and they can't see each other every day. But who knows.

So, does the 2 years entail the A and recovery time?

2 years is recovery time.

That, I think I could handle, as long as I knew he wanted to come home and work on things and proved that he was working on it.

It sure beats this limbo stage.

Yes, I think you could handle it.

I hope he gets his head out of his a** soon.

Anyway, I've got to go. It's Sunday morning (very early - daylight saving started today) and I have lots to do today.

Hi All, here's my latest crock pot recipe:

Skinned chicken breast
frozen corn kernels
frozen peas
black beans
garlic
topped with peach mango salsa

We'll see...

stph, the operative word is "plans". That represents his words. Judge him by his actions and consider all words from him to be psychobabble. And, you cannot say foggy or not. He is foggy ergo you must ignore every word that comes from his mouth.


Two years is the minimum for recovery. The range is 2-5 years and some couples don't R or heal withing the normal range. R of the marriage and healing of the BS are not dependent on time only. They say time heals all wounds but that is only partialy true. It also takes hard work. It is one reason why you need to fixate more on yourself, your ego and healing, as opposed to WH and what he is thinking or saying this week.


As incredulous as it seems, people do it all the time. The reason you will do it is because the alternative is much less attractive. I have a friend whose WW had multiple affairs 21 years ago. Her affairs bother him more today than they did on DD. This firmly proves that the passage of time alone does not heal.


As you probably know by now, I don't blindly drink the MB Kool-aid. I think it is normal and healthy to harbor positve expectations for your marriage. I also believe that you have to keep a healthy perspective on R or you put too much of yourself into recovery only to be hugely disappointment. I went from hope to despair, back to hope, to disullusionment back to hope, to indifference and made the rounds a few more times. I am finally arrived at indifference. I personally think it is a healthy state in which to be.

Wow nams. That sounds great. Where does one get peach mango salsa? I would try it but they won't give me my crock pot back. I need to move; these folks have no sense of humor.

Okay, my earworm of the day is "No More Cloudy Days" by the Eagles. Were they a great group or what?

In the midst of our mess ex asked me why I loved him. It was an excellent question to which my answers were not what they should have been.

They had more to do with fear of the future, our children, uncertainty about how things would work out, our history together, habit, & characteristics I wanted him to have, some he did, at one time, have; all things that don't speak of my love for him.

I see it more clearly now & still think we could have made things work with lots of changes. But, that question of what did I love about him really made me think about our relationship.

Next time, if I'm lucky enough to find another partner, I want a different kind of love. One that won't take me so much time to think about when asked why I love him.

You know Todd, that salsa is the new ketchup. Most grocery stores have a gazillion choices. Oldest son & I went to the store after going to the track & he picked out black bean salsa with corn.

Not too long after DD, my WW asked me the same question. I didn't have a quick or crisp answer. Affairs make you suspicious about everything, at least in the early going. I figured she wanted to compare my answer to that of OM. I decided not to play. One of the things I learned last night is that her number one EN is admiration. Stan_ley says that it is the most important EN of most WW. It makes sense. The crazy thing is that before WW started her affair, she had my complete and utter admiration and love. She no longer has to worry about either of those.

Yes, the Eagles are great. Do you know the song "Get Over It" from ****** Freezes Over?

I have a lot of Eagles on my mp3 player.

I don't know the song you talked about. I know you want to put up the lyrics. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />