Todd, do you know the Proposers? It's a Scottish group. I don't know the name of the song but it includes the words 500 miles. Let me know if you know it OK?

I'm glad you got my care package but sorry they took away the crock pot.

This is a joke BTW for those worried I actually did send Todd a care package.

Then I have a mental block, because I'm not getting it...sorry!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

sorry!

Like we all know Pio, it's the secrecy and the lies and the deliberate decision to cross the line.

stph, Mel is saying moving in with one's mother is like a splash of cold water in the adulterer's faces because they have gone BACKWARDS in their independence. Can't last long and will cause resentment between the adulterers. Right Mel?

That's like yesterday Nams - the affair will crumble. Just give it time. I know you are done but don't be surprised when WXH comes crawling back begging for another chance.

Soulmates. Yeah Right.

Melody - no they aren't high schoolers, they just act it. During our year of "recovery" I got many hang up calls & a couple of very strange calls in which people were trying to get information about me & ex. Since I believe he was cheating I think it was the gf calling. Yeah, high school. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

He's her problem now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

stph20,

From most of our POV's, OW moving out, regardless of where she goes, is a good thing. The worst part from your POV is that OW and WH will spend even more time together. As a BS, I know that pain. It hurts. But from the standpoint of the A, it is a serious blow. Affairs are wonderful because they are so neat and clean. In an A, the affairees don't have to clean up vomit, don't have to sit around and pay bills, don't have to clean the toilet bowls, etc. They leave the dirty work to us BS's while they go out and have fun. When you look at it that way, who wouldn't want to have an A?

In my WW's case, she left her family behind, all the house chores, fighting with the kids while she ran off nad had a romp in the sack with the pool boy. All their afternoons together were spent lounging around the pool. No stress.

But if my WW actually had to go live with pool boy (he lives with his parents BTW) either where he is or else they got a tiny apartment in some counsel housing in York, he's gone all day at work and she sits around doing nothing or else she has to go to work so they can pay their bills and buy her shoes, there is a lot of stress that goes along with that.

Your H is trying to escape your M to avoid all the things he doesn't like about M. But in going and spending more time with OW, he is jumping into the same situation he is trying to avoid. All he is doing is changing the player but not the game. Your problem is that you think OW is better, more attractive, funnier, smarter, more desireable than you. You think she is your competition. She is not the competition.

Let them be together 24/7. Once that happens, the luster of the A will quickly fade. They won't fall in love. They are already in love. But they will begin to hate each other. A's don't last. Let BigK quote you the statistics. Afairees despise everything that keeps them apart. But the things that keep them apart are what keep them together. Affairs, once moved into reality, are usually pretty unpleasant things.

Both live with their parents. Hard to set up household there. OW is leaving her job. WH is strapped for money. You tell us his number one EN is to get out of financial problems. What do you think he will have once he tries to support OW and child?

You know bigK there was a time when I REALLY wanted ex to come crawling back. Now it would just be so sad to know the waste of it all & the destruction to my boys' family.

What I hope for ex is that he can pull his head out of his [censored] & see what he needs to work on to really have the intimacy he craves in his life. I want that so he & the boys can have good relationships.

I will admit the crawling back bit would give me a certain satisfaction...but it would be bittersweet & short lived. And yes, I am done.

Thanks KiwiJ. I really bugs me that a Texan would call me piojitAs rather than piojitOs. After all, Spanish is the national language of Texas. You can't go into a 7-11 without it. She's just being mean <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

sheesh, and all this time I thought the "principal language" of Texas was English! MY BAD!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And yes, I am meaner than a junkyard dawg, but that wasn't an example! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

nams, isn't it amazing how waywards use the same phrases as silly teenage girls? "soulmates," indeed! lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stef - Pio has weighed in with incredible insight there. He is completely correct.

After D-Day my wife left me and OM'sW kicked him to the kerb. My wife stayed with a friend and he stayed with a friend as well.

One of the things they both recognised was that the affair was operating in a bubble. Exposure was powerful in them ending it. Reality got in the way.

I was out of my mind knowing that my wife was able to spend as much time as she wanted with OM. But they had no fun. Suddenly it wasn't fun anymore. The affair ended 2 days after she left me. She was gone for a total of 2 weeks. OM love-busted her stupid when she told him she was coming home. OM'sW refused to have him back at that time.

MelodyLane and Pio are right - LOTS of conflict in the affair will be caused by them having more time together.

Let's face it Stef - The marriage you had is gone. You might yet get a chance to re-build a new marriage with your husband. But the worst has already happened. He's gone and he is screwing OW. How much worse do you think it will be even if they shack up? It's a good thing if they do this. Nothing like a little reality to ruin the illusions.

Stef - Do a good Plan A. Be consistent and patient. The worse thing from your perspective that can happen is you will be totally over your husband and well placed to move on if he doesn't come home. You will be a much better partner for someone who will love cherish and appreciate you. I don't see a down side here.

Bwhahahahahahahah

You don't speak a word of English - You speak AMERICAN DER

I only understand you because I am Tri-Lingual

I speak English, Australian and fluent gibberish.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

you mean you speak silly foreign British movie guy "English!" DER!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LOL Nams, it's the Proclaimers not the Proposers.

Yes, I really thought you'd sent a care package, all unwrapped and third class mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pio and BigK, the whole point is that even though it was deliberate I had to make a huge leap of conscience and ethics to tell my mind I could do it. It was a slow dawning that I was going to go down that path, not a sudden overnight decision. When I made my vows to Rob I intended to keep them forever and knew that I would never have SF with another man.

That is why I shook with horror.

I think I'm starting to get it...

It just doesn't make sense to me.

But, as a BS does it make sense that I'm worried? Some of these A's do work out and I'm scared that WH's is going to be one of them.

I don't think I'm viewing OW as competition. I've told WH that I'm prettier, sexier, a better cook, a better "housekeeper", and an overall better wife. I've told him that she's nothing but a white-trailer trash homewrecker and she'll do the same thing to him, because she's done it before. I told him that I'm the best he's ever had and the best he'll ever have. I've told him countless times that he's making a huge mistake if he D's me and he'll regret it for the rest of his life.

All of this, of course, was before I knew of Plan A and his fog.

I haven't mentioned any of these things, since I've learned, but I honestly believe them.

I know I'm way better than her...could be a reason why I'm not mad (????). What 35 year old can't get her stuff together enough to move out on her own, especially when she's got a kid?? I apparently earn more than or as much as she does, so I completely agree with the financial troubles they're going to have, because he's got to pay me since he left me with a house I can't afford.

I just don't want him coming back based solely on financial reasons.

Does it occur to anyone that WS's only come back because the "something better" didn't work out? Or do they usually come back because they honestly want the M to work? I don't want him to "settle" for me just because his fling with her didn't work.

Works out. Hmm. I think it's like oh I dunno less than 10% of affairs result in marriage. And 75% of those fail within 5 years. Yep - they work our real good. Maybe someone can correct my percentages.

Stef - All affairs end. They really do. There are a few very rare exceptions.

Then why do it? Why didn't you allow yourself to stop when you knew you were getting too far in?
Don't get mad at my questions, these are some things I asked WH and he didn't know the answers, so maybe you can give me some insight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I know I'm whining, but I wanted that.

And your point is?

None of this madness makes any sense. But it is predictable. That is what we are trying to tell you. Don't try to understand it. Just try to anticipate it.

I gave up trying to understand why WW had an affair with a pool boy long ago. She could have done much better.