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Sorry dude but this is one you need to deal with. You say you blame your WW solely for the A but, if it hadn't been for OM, she never would have had one. I am willing to bet you are wrong. OM could have been anyone. This one just happened to be convenient. Mr. Engineer, Deduce, not induce. Go back and read what I said. I have never said, nor do I believe, that WW is solely to blame for her affair. Yes, OM1, at least, could have been anyone - but he wasn't. He is a serial predator who knew our "sitch" and took advantage of it. Forgive me, but he committed a cardinal sin and well, he committed a cardinal sin. But you are corrrect in the sense that it could have been anyone. Depending on whom you believe, thus far, the body count is three OM. Either your WW was 100% responsible and OM means nothing even if he were Lawrence of Arabia or you refuse to let your WW take the blame and it is all OM's fault. I think you are stuck on this fence. I think you want to blame WW and yet don't want to blame her at the same time. You are still trying to protect her. My friend, you are as wrong as acid rain on this one. I blame both. It takes two to tango and two it was. My belief is that your WW would have found the next OM if this one hadn't been willing. Maybe she couldn't deal with your illness. Maybe she needed comfort to enable her denial. I think your WW was the predator. Sorry. Leave OM alone. If he truly is a predator, he will move on soon enough anyway. Apparently your WW has friends willing to lend a hand. Whether OM moves on, or has already moved on to "greener pastures" is immaterial to me. He has committed a wrong against me, my marriage and my family. He can move on all he likes but that fact will not change. And yes, my WW can attract attention from the opposite sex. Never been a problem for her. And trust me pal, I am on no fence on this issue.
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I have got to go to bed. Goodnight all.
Formerly nam
here since 07/31/03
coastal, CT
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If she is an alcoholic, was this a point of continual conflict? Did she seek someone to enable her addiction (i.e. does OM not complain about the $600/mo wine bill)?
Addictive personalities easily seek more than one addiction.
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I've been thinking about your WW & her reaction to your illness. I think you give her too much understanding when you say she just isn't able to cope...IMHO What do you mean?
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I'm losing count now. I am still not clear on OM #2 and now there is a third? Are you really "regreted" in disguise? If so, you have at least two more OM's to go.
Your WW is racking up quite a body count. Don't you think she might be trying to self-destruct?
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There are two things I don't understand your view on concerning your WW. One, the religious, conservative upbringing not allowng her to consider the depths to which she has sunk by having an affair & two, she is so unable to cope with your illness she simply refuses to acknowledege or deal with it. I agree. I beleive she is able, in the tradition of Bill Clinton, to compartmentalize. It was a classic push-pull conflict for her. It was easy for her to be attracted to OM because they are soulmates. With my illness, she faced something she had never had to deal with. I also think she scripts after her Father a great deal. After MIL was diagnosed with cancer and given a couple of months to live, FIL walked out of MIL's room, came over to me and asked: Why did this have to happen to me? He is his own prism through which all of life gets filtered and colored according to what is in his best interest. WW apparently shares some of those same beliefs.
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I'm losing count now. I am still not clear on OM #2 and now there is a third? Are you really "regreted" in disguise? If so, you have at least two more OM's to go.
Your WW is racking up quite a body count. Don't you think she might be trying to self-destruct? The additional two OM have not been confirmed by me. OM2 was revealed by OM1 in a fairly recent conversation with XW. Now, is he being truthful, I have no idea. OM3 was advertised by WW. She told me that I should not worry about OM1 any more, that there was a new man in her life. Is she being honest, I don't know and don't care. The damage was done with her first affair and the rest of it is simply more water running over the dam. BTW, if OM2 is real, he is the one married to Good Friend whom I asked to try to give WW positve influences in her life to counteract BF and F#2. If so, I considered him to be a friend as opposed to OM1. I will talk to OM2 when I am physically able.
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Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW) D-Day August 2005 Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23 Empty Nesters. Fully Recovered.
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Luna,
going back to what you mentioned about manipulation... I think using sexual atractiveness to get something different that sex or in the context of a relationship, it's manipulation but in the context of dating or a sexual encounter seems just the natural language. Otherwise, how would you be upfront?: 'I'm up are you?'
If what it's said about men enjoying the pursue, if you 'neogtiate' the encounter, are you taking away part of the pleasure of the mutual seduction, even when it's only sexual? Larousse...you lost me a bit here... See...I was married for over 20 yrs...and I love my S very much (not WS!)...so...sex was a given... not a lot of negotiating or pursuing going on... that may have been the problem...LOL!
XBW DS16 & DS22 PLAN D: finalized!
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Nam, good night. 'This lady is pretty high maintenance. Meaning I could sit on top of her the whole time & she'd still not quite get it.' Nam if you sit on top of me I wouldn't learn either.
but I would love to have a clay teacher all for myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Nam, you said your XH wasn't playful. I think that was a strong motivator for me to remain celibe; it's hard to find a partner with similar levels of playfulness. One night stands are not even the appeteizers*. Lol.
Todd, What, what? What? I didn't explaine my self, best to ask Lunamare, what does she mean by manipulation, in the sexual context and how does she understand seduction in the same context?
Todd, does OM earns more than you, the same? What has WW said about the fact that he's divorced and didn't try to marry her?
Pio, Could we see some video of DD's playing and maybe you coaching? Bring the maid to the game and just let her in charge of not leting anyone close to the cam. Lol.
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If she is an alcoholic, was this a point of continual conflict? No. Did she seek someone to enable her addiction (i.e. does OM not complain about the $600/mo wine bill)? I have no idea. OM complained vehemently about his XW's drinking but then her habit came out of their household. My guess is that my WW's drinking played no part in her A. Addictive personalities easily seek more than one addiction. She now has two: alcohol and OM. Incidentally, what is really amazing about the aftermath of her affair and exposure is how she now views our sons. She knows that DS1 and DS2 are angry with her, not for the affair, per se, but for lying to them. Her reaction: if that is the way they want to be then I will never have anything to do with them again. Before her A, she was the most loving and caring Mom in the world. My guess is that her A made her selfish. That she is not going to do things to benefit her and her alone and everybody else can simply to go he!!.
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...and it's not even Wednesday night... ...I wonder, BigK....since you are forbidding SF to stph20.....she may have gotten mixed up and took your advice to me...and may be busy trying out the 'rabbit' gadget...LOL! ...now...if it comes with stph20's recommendation...I may be willing to try it out... ...like Todd...I think I better stop writing....so not to dig myself a bigger hole!
XBW DS16 & DS22 PLAN D: finalized!
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Could we see some video of DD's playing and maybe you coaching? Bring the maid to the game and just let her in charge of not leting anyone close to the cam I am lazy about that. I don't mind taking the videos. My camera uses mini-DVD rather than tape which is convenient. But to transfer that to the web, I have to burn the DVD, then rip it to DVD format and then convert from DVD format to Mp4 or some other web-compatible format, then edit content to minimize the video length and then for the sake of bandwidth (i.e. yours - not mine), have to run it through a Sorensen squeeze. Yes I promise I will upload a video soon. I am just wondering with which free minutes I am going to do that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Do you have any idea how big original DVD video is? And then you couldn't see it. Getting video to web is a time-consuming process. Have you seen any of the older videos on the website? We have games for both tomorrow night. I'll try.
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I wonder, BigK....since you are forbidding SF to stph20.....she may have gotten mixed up and took your advice to me...and may be busy trying out the 'rabbit' gadget I'm sure glad you said that and not me. I was tempted but caught myself. Sounds better coming from a woman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
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Todd, What, what? What? I didn't explaine my self, best to ask Lunamare, what does she mean by manipulation, in the sexual context and how does she understand seduction in the same context? Is this the Rabbit we are talking about? Todd, does OM earns more than you, the same? larousse, OM earns an excellent living but I earn more than six times his salary each year. He is short, fat and older than me. And dumb. Apparently coy in his own way but is essentially an intellectual idiot. He has panic attacks if around more than 2-3 people at a time. And he is a hypochondriac. He constantly thinks he is dying. He was in the hospital last year and apparently almost died. Instead of the bright white light that so many report that they see, he saw black demons emerge from the floor and drag him down through the floor. According to OMXW, since that event, OM truly has a fear of dying. No larousse, in every way, he is inferior to me. Not being vain but honest. What has WW said about the fact that he's divorced and didn't try to marry her? I don't know if I remember. It seems like this subject came up but I just don't remember. They may get married yet although there would go her lie and coverup wouldn't it?
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Pio, ty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I saw the pics. Most of them. I liked them. Most of them. Lol. The ones of G over a camel and the Taj Mahal* were when you two were recently married I guess.
I didn't try the video. I found the images of the little girls playing soccer in middle SA very refreshing, don't know why.
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Taj Mahal she was 8 months pregnant with DD2. We had left DD1 with MIL in Dubai. Going to the Taj Mahal was one of WW's childhood dreams. Something she fantasized about in grade school during geography class.
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Todd, I was not reffering to the rabbit althought it requires some expertise, I'm told. I'm not sure I understood what Lunamare meant when she used the word manipulation, refering to being openly seductive but I'm not really sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
If WW is alcoholic then her biggest affair is really alcohol...
Why you didn't tell WW about her BF visit to you?
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ToddAC,
I am beginning to think maybe there are some parallels between you and WW, Myrta and Stanley and my WW and me. Three men who idolized their wives believing they were perfection incarnate and could do no wrong. That is a lot of responsibility to place on a person. I haven't given it much more thought than that. It is just something I started thinking about after reading that thread you mentioned yesterday.
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Pio, she looks radiant in the TM. I also liked the one of the whole family on leather.
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