I will need to catch up, again….but thought I would start the day with this post to you all (before I forget what I want to say)!

The ‘moment’ has passed…and thanks to you all…without toooo much damage done!

I intend to stay on course and ‘stick it out’ as I promised myself…the two-year mark before getting a D paper….that way, I will be at peace with myself, no regrets, knowing that I will have given S a chance and enough time to ‘resurface’ should he want to…..


…which is why you are all getting a big cyberspace hug from me

(((((((((((TKO group))))))))))))

(in particular, you Todd, …are you listening Kiwi???…LOL!)

Had you not all been there…for me to come to…and put myself ‘out there’ FIRST…I would not have seen what I saw…and could have gotten myself into a lot of trouble!

What I saw… was a person on her way to ‘losing herself’…no more no less…getting herself on a path that I now believe…a WS may initially take….and DOES get lost, and that is: justifying acting on IMPULSE… (or even worse, acting on impulse then needing to justify it….as would be, I think, more true to the scenario of a WS)

When I heard myself asking you all, and myself: Why not?? WS has moved out… WS has chosen to be with OW…. WS has dumped me… my needs are not being met and they should… and the cruncher: a D is only a piece of paper, AFTERALL!

I heard a little voice in me telling me: OK, kiddo…if a D is only a piece of paper, then first get it…. before getting involved with anyone else…in ANY WAY!

…to do it any other way…would mean compromising my standards!

As a responsible adult, I need to take care of myself, my boys, and the wider circle of all those ‘I care for’….. and in particularly, my boys…because, if before they had two responsible adults in their lives…now one of them has taken a wrong turn (hopefully temporarily, or not!) and is taking the long way back home….or may stay lost…

The pressure is on, for me, to not lose my head as well!

When I saw myself lowering my standards for SF….. when throughout my life, for me, it only has meaning as an expression of a ‘special connection’ with another person…. I saw myself starting to take a path that could ‘spiral me down’…… because sex without a true ‘connection’….I believe is harmful to the soul…and will leave you lonelier than before…. and comparable to ‘prostituting’ my body…. trying to fill the hole that is in me right now……knowing that nothing, really, can fill it…..

For my own respect, and the respect of any other future person in my life….. as hard as it is…. I will have to continue on my path to ‘closing’ the door to one person…..before opening it up for another…..

It’s just the way it’s going to have to be!

As far as SF being fulfilled….it will just have to wait…. or take up suggestions made by Larousse, BigK, Nams, Todd, and others…..

Again, thank you, my friends, from the bottom of my heart….. I will forever be indebted to you all… because of you…I caught myself in the nick of time…. and was able to take the ‘shorter’ path HOME!

...one mine disactived....where is the next one?

That's just a bonus Pio.

I did do something I regret & will have to apologize to oldest son for.

When he told me ex wanted the weekend kid free so he could attend gf's reunion I lost it. I told him I'll make sure he gets to the concert & he can spend the night with me Sat. too but not to tell dad yet. Let's see if dad can get his selfish a.s to figure out away to make this work without me to bale him out.

If I had stars for being nice & a good mommy for keeping this kind of s..t away from the boys I lost them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

In other words - you bought the rabbit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Ah, shucks, Luna. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Now quick like a rabbit go to the adult store! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pio, was it the sock that cost so much?

There were two and a half pairs of socks. A pencil with no eraser, a DC adapter that had burned out so now has gotten shipped to a landfill in Saudi and the glasses in a really cool case. There was no breakdown in value - just total declared value.

During the month of Ramadan is an especially good time to get things through Saudi customs. They can't have their morning coffee or cigarettes so are really sleepy all day. Their eyes don't open enough to see what is really inside.

Before you worry too much about them fasting all month, The vast majority actually gain weight during the month rather than lose.

Parents aren't perfect. We make mistakes. There is nothing wrong with letting the kids know that.

I wasn't worried about them fasting. As I understand it they feast when the sun goes down & stay up partying, for lack of a better term.

What's the count down to G's return & how are you feeling about it?

Thanks Pio. I have prided myself on not talking their father down. Even when they fish around saying things, especially the odest, about ex's behavior at times, I hold my tongue. Today I reached a limit.

Clothes are clean, I'm clean, off to get middle son's fancy pants.

6ish days. Oddly enough I don't feel much of anything. I am not looking forward to it.

Why don't you tell your son how you feel? (without DJ'ing Dad). I think he would appreciate it.

We are married to the same woman.




Ditto.

Hi nams,

If I had to pick one word that seemed to describe WW's attitude about her A, it would be entitlement. She still believes that she was.

I neither understand nor can explain it. I truly believe that she cannot admit it because it would make her decision (oops, forgot, it is not a decision; it just happened) to have an affair unjustifiable.


This makes sense to me.


No. I disengaged my AV and Malware and even tried two different media players to no avail. I cannot get it to play.

It needs to be said that American plumbers also do not have impressive behinds or cracks. It's a union requirement. We hired a plumber so bad that I paid him extra to wear a towel around his waist.

Hi Luna,

You sound so mature and thoughtful. Are you sure you should be a member of this thread? lol

Good for you that you came to your senses. You wouldn't want to write a self-help discovery guide for those of us still feeling immature would you?

Congratulations!

Wow! Half way down the page! I thought perhaps the thread was removed for naughtiness. Or, maybe.....there's a MBer brand of rabbit we should be talking about...?

Hi Todd! All's well?

What news are you waiting to hear about your illness? Besides the obvious that's your tumor (yes?) is completely gone never to return.

I did write you a while back about the specific names of Sandi's tumor, did you get that & did it mean anything to you.

What I can tell you about her brain tumor is that at the time, about 15, 20 years ago she was given one year to live. The Dr.s felt there was no way to operate because the tumor was in the middle of the brain & unreachable. She did her own research & found a Dr. in Boston who was using a spectrograme, spectrometer (?). A machine that pin points the tumor with radiation. The patient waits to see if over time the tumor is shrinking.

What made me get on this subject is your mention of your radiation burns. Sandi's lasting problems, which are minimal, are due to the radiation she thinks.

These are some of her problems: She lost the use of her left hand for a time. She's still is a bit weak on her left side. She's left handed & this meant she had to retrain herself to paint with her right hand. Her balance is off. She sufferers from migrains. All these things are exacerbated by being run down & tired. The problems didn't show up for a few years after her treatment.

Gawd, I'm cheery. Tell me to stop if this is something you'd rather not discuss, I'll delete.

Well, first step in getting middle son his dress clothes is done. Now he has to try them on & if they fit decide they aren't too embarrassing to wear. No small task either one after all I did pick them out. At least I didn't have to buy for a girl.

Wish me luck I'm also working on getting oldest son to cut the grass. We've gotten a new mower blade since he hit the rock & ruined the old blade.