...actually, 2much...you are doing great since you are living with a WS!

...I lived with a WS, unknowingly for about 3 months, knowingly for a further 6...... by the end I was a real 'basketcase'.....don't have to bother reading my thread...according to PEP I was one of the worse cases..... and I BELIEVE Pep when she says something...

I am finding dealing with the challenges of PLAN B a piece of cake....compared to living with a WS!

...hat off to you!

....actually, Pio....that may be so for everyone else......expect YOU....given your superduper skills at spreadsheeting, statistical analysis, and referencing...

...please repost...or send it to me at my private email for me to read (are you listening, Kiwi?)... given the importance you are giving it....uhmmm......considering the thousands you have written... I am wondering: how come?

I know....curiosity killed the cat....good thing they have nine!

....it was your unconscious mind speaking, Todd.... a much more dependable source of info.!

Wow, you people can talk!!!!!!!

Yes, Luna, I'm listening.

I won't be around much today. It's Monday and I've got a lot of work to do today.

Try to keep the thread to a manageable length while I'm gone or I'll never catch up.

I don't know about that, Kiwi..... in this part of the northern hemisphere...it's Sunday.... and tomorrow, Monday, it's a holiday!

Hi Luna,

Have you been to SF yet?

Hi Guys,

Must be something about this time of day here in TKO land that when I tune in the talk is usually about SF. Are we torturing outselves? Nah...can't be the time of day because SF, or lack there of, is so frequently the topic at hand. Go ahead somebody, Todd, Pio? make something naughty out of that at hand comment.

2much, did I read right that you just recently stopped having SF with your WH? You said when you said no recently & he couldn't figure out why, here's what you do. Get some really nasty pictures of what STDs can do to a body & when he can get his cake eating head out of his a.s long enough to look show him those. Oops, did that sound harsh?

Hi Todd, what did your Dr. say about seeing red?

2much has asked if we'd be interested in listing 3 challanges our behaviors or personalities brought to our marital relationships & what we've done to improve those things about ourselves.. I think I have that right, do I 2much?

I'll start.

1. conflict avoider. Now I will find a way to let people know what I have a problem with. It was mostly ex I avoided conflict with so I just have to make sure in my next partnership I speak up right away. I don't think it will be that hard actually because I cando it with my friends, family & co-workers.

2. I didn't know ex's EN's & assumed he had characteristics I wanted him to have. I will find out my next partner's ENs. I will not [censored] u me anything about anyone.

3. I can live with mess. I'd rather have things clean & put where they belong but not if I'm the only one doing the work; if I am I can let things go. I will understand & respect a persons need for an orderly environment & do my part to keep things that way.

OK, I'm talking to myself. That's alright I've got lots more to say.

Here's my next story:

When our D was clearly underway & I was seeing an IC I asked him one day way I was willing to put up with so much less than I wanted/needed to stay in the marriage. Of course he only asked me questions in return but that started me down the long path of trying to answer that question. I'm still not fully satisfied with the answers.

For example: In no particular order.

Why was I willing to live with ex when I suspected he was involved with someone else?

Why did I put up so much independent behavior on his part during our year of "recovery"?

Why during our marriage was I willing to tamp down my playfullness, my sense of fun?

Why did I take my emotional life & stuff it for so long during my marriage?

Why when it was clear ex wanted to D & I understood he was unwilling to work on his shortcomings/issues did I still want to be married to him.

Why was I willing to stay in a marriage with a man who could treat me the way he did, do what he did to our family? Was it really just for my boys?

Does anyone else ask themselves these questions? Do you have any good answers?

This is definitely happening in mid-november...

(Now...this should confuse a few....LOL!)

Hi Nams...I know the feeling!

Very good questions, Nams.....and all I think apply to me, too.... now...about the answers...that's another story....I'll think about them....and will report back....

Since you are going to be close, I highly recommend you try the Sacramento wine. My wife is Catholic and they all swear by it.

Now Nams,

I was referring to Luna's trip to San Francisco. It is merely a coincidence that the intials for San Francisco and Sexual Fulfilment are the same. Just a coincidence. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

All I gotta say is that was one cold shower....

Nams,

He is not concerned. It is likely a side effect of one of the medicines I take. It could also be an effect from the tumor pressing against the visual chasm, if that is the right term.

What I don't understand is that when I see red, it is typically for a moment or two. It basically flashes from black to red and toggles back and forth a few times. With a couple of Larousse's posts, hers look red all the time. Must be the line from Mexico to Minnesota.

Well...since I cannot keep this from you for very long....

here it is.....

A new crisis has come up....my dad had to have an operation back in August for intestinal problems.....was led to believe everything was OK and he was recuperating (keep in mind...my parents live about a day's drive away...I am basically told as little as possible where 'bad news' is concerned to not get me to worry!)

.... well....this past week....mom tells me that due to test results....dad is going to have to have a weekly TREATMENT for six months...the operation had not been as successful as expected....I am assuming mom is talking about CANCER...even though my mom never named it!

...my parents are from a generation who think that if you don't NAME it...it can't harm you as much..... to each his own defense mechanism!

...it may also be related to the fact that my mom is a breast cancer survivor of over 40 yrs ago...when my mom was a very young wife with two very young children.....at a time when the 'word' literally did mean a death sentence... there was ONE option.... and if it failed.... no other treatment was available... research has come a long way since then!

...anyway...to everyone's surprise....particularly my mom....she survived...to become her daughter's hero...and hasn't looked back since... she is the poster 'lady' of the saying: if it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger......

OTOH, my dad is an introvert...worked very hard all his life to provide for his family....but is less of a 'fighter' when it comes to sickness... I expect my mom has her work cut out for her to keep dad's moral going!

Anyway...this means that I intend to take an unplanned first visit back to see my parents SOLO..actually I would be going with ma boys and big dog...

(since D-day....they have come to visit) and expect to be confronted by many TRIGGERS.... in addition to facing the fact that this time next year...who knows if my dad will be still alive!

I am not looking forward to the drive....it used to be shared...and God help me if I should have car problems!!!.... let's put it this way....I don't want to even think about it...

...if by any chance you see a SEXY mom with two beautiful boys and a big dog hitch-hiking.....please stop....that will be me!

It has been hours uploading but it is finally finished. 6 minutes of adulterated soccer video. Sorry about the size but web video is tough. I have uploaded several versions of varying quality. If you have the bandwidth, I highly recommend the big one. The faces come out much better.

I only recorded her first goal because my cameraman quit at halftime. It begins at about the 2:45 mark on the video. Right before that she got injured so I am just pointing out that she played hurt. The goal is sort of amazing. She is clearly a girl on a mission. Just after that she is stopped on another attempt but what I find interesting is the tenacity with which she tries (and succeeds) to get the ball back. Note the use of the elbow. Makes me proud.

As far as DD2 goes, well, she is not exactly olympic material.

I'll put the URLs in the sig line too.

I have mpeg, wmv and mp4 formats depending on what you view with. I didn't make a QT version. Sorry. The mp4 will play in iTunes. So go ahead and challenge your bandwidth.

original mpeg version - 66 mb - best quality
lowest quality WMV version - 6 mb
mp4 squeezed version 1mbps - 47 mb
wmv squeezed version 512 kps - 18 mb
mp4 squeezed version 56 kps - 2 mb

Todd, I'm happy your Dr. isn't concerned. You know if he had the slightest worry you'd be strapped down & they be poking you as I write this.

SF = San Fransico, pah leeeze, did I just roll of that turnip truck? You're just trying to start trouble.

Are you interested in 2much's challange?