I have read a couple of books on the subject and tried several of the ideas I found. One book "The Ten Second Kiss" had lots of good ideas. It is written by Ellen Friedman and there is a website on the net somewhere with more info. She also wrote "Light His Fire" and "Light Her Fire", but I have not read those two books. There are also video tapes and she conducts seminars.<P>Another book I found, but have not finished is "1001 way to be Romantic" or something like that. I loaned that one out and don't remember the exact title. When skimming this one, I discovered that many of the suggestions which were given as romance builders, where actually already happening in my life with my H, I just had not recognized them as such. The realization made me much more appreciative of the little things!<P>The one point I want to make is that to get "Romance" in whatever form you would like to get it, you have to be prepared to GIVE it first. I began with little notes and cards. Then I began writing love and respect letters. I bought a bunch of love cards and periodically I give H one of those. One day I brought flowers for him and laid them on his side of the bed. He responded sweetly. I have even written him a few pretty explicit, action packed, letters detailing what I would like to do with him if he were home. Similar to some of the love scenes you might find in romance novels, except he and I are the main characters. Hugs from behind. Shoulder massages. Possibilities are limitless.<P> He has begun to respond in kind, to his own ability, anyway. Have not gotten any long syrupy love letters written in his own hand, but lots of cute cards and he says he loves me spontaneously a whole lot more than he used to. He has bought me some pretty nice little presents, and is interested in having at least one nite a week out, away from the children, but I usually have to make the suggestion. We have played some "games" when the children are gone and eagerly taken advantage of short periods of times during which we are alone. <P>Bubble Baths....<BR>Turn the lights off and light candles, get in the tub before Hubby and go for it. Who else you ever going to experience this with? It is fun. Not the saccrine sweet passion filled experience you might expect from watching movies, just plain fun. A time to giggle, and be silly with your man.<P>Hum, focus on giving to your H, tell him you want things to be better between you and you read these suggestions somewhere and want to try them out. Start by going with him when he is doing his hobby if possible. Distract him with inuindo, a little cleavage. You know the routine, you just have to be an actress until it becomes natural to you. You may be rebuffed at first, but you have DECIDED that you want to BUILD your life with him to a better level. Act on it! You, as a woman, have been given some pretty powerful weapons to use in the game of love, use them to enrich your life with your chosen mate, and soon the interloper will be but a distant memory. A character from a Disney cartoon, that you watched far too many times. Your H and life with him is your future. The power to make it a great experience is in your hands. You have to be the change agent. Do the unexpected and you may just be amazed at the results!<P>It worked for me.<BR>Good Luck.<P>Beth

Beth - I like your ideas for bringing romance back into marriage. I read your response to my other post about OP's gifts very carefully too, which described some of the same ideas. There's also a book (think most bookstores have it) called "101 Nights of Great Sex." I will say that my W did give this to me for a V-day present, though this was back a year-and-a-half ago when we were still doing a lot better in this dept. than we are now. Anyway, the idea is to pick a page describing a "sexual surprise" at random, don't tell your partner, and then spring it on them when they're not expecting it. We actually tried some of these and while they were fun, I don't think either of us felt they were all that much of a turn-on (well one of hers, which involved making love in a different place than usual, was much more of a turn-on than mine, which involved warm chocolate syrup!) But somehow, especially now, efforts like this just don't seem to click. I also do romantic stuff like surprising her with flowers, giving her cute cards, buying her sexy undies from VS, etc. And we still take showers together once in a while (we used to take ALL our showers together!), which I do strongly recommend (bubble baths too!) for fun and games. But I still get the feeling that she rations out sex because she's not really interested in me sexually no matter what I do, and this lack of interest is due to the OM filling her sexual needs. I guess this can sometimes sound like whining on my part, because I do tend to go on and on about it. The reason I do is that my W and I did use to have a terrifically romantic love-life together, even for a while after we were married, so it wasn't for lack of trying, I don't think, that it went away. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex