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And he just might NEED to see a little anger - just not directed at him. If he thinks you're passive and just being forgiving and going along with it he can eat cake. He sees that and thinks you don't care that he is with another woman. He's quite happy to have 2 women giving him SF I assure you.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Todd....this is the second time you can't name 'a spade a spade'.... ...how bad could the name be? ...and it doesn't sound like Cinderella's 'guessed' it right, either! ...so...I am just going to ask: what is it called? (....now...I KNOW....will regret asking) Oh Larousse, Now, I am embarassed! When my Dad had the "talk" with me, he told me to never say the word "pregnant" in front of a woman. Now, I sorta know what he meant but as tough as he was, he just couldn't say it: don't get a girl pregnant. That is what he meant. Do you know that I couldn't say the word pregnant in front of a woman until I was 28. True story. So, anyway, this comes hard for me, but the name of the man device is a "fleshlight". It looks interesting.
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Hello everybody...couldn't sleep...so I thought I would just catch up (...so I would have less to read in the morning)
...but...think I will go back to sleep now... my brain really doesn't function well in the middle of the night!
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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And he just might NEED to see a little anger - just not directed at him. If he thinks you're passive and just being forgiving and going along with it he can eat cake. He sees that and thinks you don't care that he is with another woman. He's quite happy to have 2 women giving him SF I assure you. I'm quite sure the right answer to your earlier post is I withdrew from the Love Bank. But I've been depositing a lot too, so maybe I only withdrew a little bit? How do I show him my anger at this without directing it towards him and not talking about the relationship? I'd like to throw something at him .
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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In Kansas the corn is as high as an elephant's eye. No. You are thinking of Oklahoma. The wind happens to come sweeping down the plain there too.
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Well Stef - that is the best policy. Lying to us here and not being totally up front and honest won't help you one bit. And when you screw up we won't really yell at you anyway. Sheesh. At the end of the day, you have to make your own decisions and take responsibility for them. We can only advise you but we are not in your situation. You are right to sift and weigh what you are being told to do.
I totally understand the pressures you were under with your husband.
Just totally BTW, does the OW know your husband likes to still have SF with you?
Causing trouble in the affair will cause them to LB each other to death.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Todd,
flesh... Now I'll have nightmares. I'll get sure not to eat any bateries by mistake.
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Steph, I'm not angry with you either. I'm just very concerned that this will hurt you very badly in the long run. I mean hurt you as a person. You are probably reading intimacy and desire and love for you into the SF. As BigK says, he is very happy with 2 women giving him SF and as long as he knows you are a pushover he will continue to keep coming around.
It is out of concern for YOU that we are giving you this advice. We are trying to tell you the best way to make your WS into a loving H again and we are trying to stop you being hurt more than you have been already.
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You know what stph?
Listen to the BigK. He has this stuff figured out.
I know it is tough for you and you are doing well. Just accept what BigK says and think about it and how to implement your plan. You will be fine. I'm trying to listen the best I can. I can only hope to get better. Thank you, too, for not yelling at me again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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I have morals and I'm still married. Yes that is a DJ. What you can say is "as long as you are my husband, I will not see anyone else."
Last edited by piojitos; 10/11/06 12:57 AM.
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How do I show him my anger at this without directing it towards him and not talking about the relationship? I'd like to throw something at him . Actually anger was not exactly the word I was looking for. He needs to see you are emotionally affected by his actions and how hurt you are by him. Angry outbursts are the worst king of LB after all. This anger thing is a phase - there are stages of grief etc. This is just a new phase for you. I think Pio can explain this better or else I can go and find a post for you to look at...
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 846
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Oh well if that's Oklahoma, wipe it.
I'm as corny as Kansas in August.
Does that meet with your approval?
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There is one great thing about Kansas. On a clear day you can see forever. Rumor has it that everything is up-to-date there too - at least in Kansas City. Of course, I don't know for certain if they might be talking about the Missouri side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
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Steph, I'm not angry with you either. I'm just very concerned that this will hurt you very badly in the long run. I mean hurt you as a person. You are probably reading intimacy and desire and love for you into the SF. As BigK says, he is very happy with 2 women giving him SF and as long as he knows you are a pushover he will continue to keep coming around.
It is out of concern for YOU that we are giving you this advice. We are trying to tell you the best way to make your WS into a loving H again and we are trying to stop you being hurt more than you have been already. I know what you're saying and I understand it. It may sound stupid, but I didn't mean for SF to happen. But like I said, I've had illogical thinking when it comes to that. In a way, I'm trying to make him rethink his decision to divorce me, and he's admitted that when we do have SF, he does rethink his decision. So in some fashion, I'm using Plan A and SF in hopes of it working sooner...
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Posts: 7,464
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Yes that is a DJ. What you can say is "as long as you are my husband, I will not see anyone else." Tada - Pio is exactly right.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 853
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Just totally BTW, does the OW know your husband likes to still have SF with you?
Causing trouble in the affair will cause them to LB each other to death. Now this brings me to another question. I've been getting advice recently on my thread regarding calling the OW's BF to find out if she's moved out yet, and to put a bug in his ear that WH is coming over a lot because it will most definitely get back to OW. Is this a good idea?
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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Posts: 6,128
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Todd,
Sorry dude but that doesn't rhyme. It is two-thirds of a pun though (P U !)
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Thank you, too, for not yelling at me again! Okay stph, now I feel bad. Seriously, BigK is an MB scholar. Listen to himn.
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Actually anger was not exactly the word I was looking for. He needs to see you are emotionally affected by his actions and how hurt you are by him. Angry outbursts are the worst king of LB after all.
This anger thing is a phase - there are stages of grief etc. This is just a new phase for you. I think Pio can explain this better or else I can go and find a post for you to look at... So...I can't throw something at him? I'm still not totally angry, but last night was the start of it, but I had to think about everything and make myself get mad about it. It's a very fine line between showing him I'm hurt and LBing him. Help me with that. Pio and I talked about it not too long ago. Not the 5 stages, but about the anger. Orchid also posted the 5 stages of grief on my thread a while ago as well.
BS (me)-26
WH-27
Dday-August 2006
0 kids
Married 4 years
NC established 1-26-07
status-working on it
"Sometimes, I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough...but I'll stand back up."
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