Hi 2much,

My heart goes out to you. If you are anything like me you are enjoying the tranquility of having H out of the house and a respite from always wondering what they are doing or in my case I guess that should be "whom"

How are your children handling their dad being gone? I think mine are enjoying the lack of tension in the home and of course he is spoiling them like a Disneyland dad. They are starting to drop not so subtle hints that he has been gone long enough!

Guess there are no easy answers. I hope you are okay and if you ever want to chat I am always available.

Pio,

Somehow I think all your hamsters will be too cute to part with.

Todd,

Great web site link, I'm still laughing. What is happening with you these days? Have you fully recovered from your flu? How are your boys? Any WW news?

Ooops sorry time got away, have to run and get my son. I will catch up with everyone else later.

Beth.

hey, this reminds me of Sam Kinison. Do you remember him?

Hi Beth - I hope you are doing OK.

Hi Beth,

Fully recovered from the flu and the sleepiness that followed. Boys are great. DS3 basically spent the weekend with me so that was great.

I did get a call from WW yesterday, I believe. She begged me to take her back. I calmly asked her was she ready to be honest about her A. She blew up and said she didn't have an A. It is the strangest thing: we can discuss her affair by talking about her hopping in bed with OM, etc., but she will not overtly admit to the A. She did confess in January but withdrew her confession after exposure. Reputation mitigation I suppose.

She also told me that I need to see an IC. I told her she needed to as well but she denies it. What has happened has happened. It is time for me to "put it behind me" and "move on". If I had a nickel for everytime she has said that.... I cannot even get as far as issues like NC with OM, transparency, etc.

She apparently has been persuaded to believe that if she continues to deny her A, everything will be fine. It will not. I am giving her to the first of the year and then I file.

Why are you waiting till then Todd? You don't assume time will hit her with a clue stick do you?

No BigK, no clues for her. I will wait until first of the year because I don't want to start D proceedings during year end holidays. It is too emotional for DS3 as it is.

gotcha Todd. You have been a saint putting up with what she has served you up. I don't know how you do it.

Thems fightin words!

Too bad with the sleep aids Todd. I NEED my sleep.

Let's see, the transparency issue. Could be a way for her WWH to really get a view of the destruction he's caused. OTOH venting could be construed as LBing...Perhaps she can tell him what he will see, let him look, he may decide he doesn't want to read about how his behavior has caused such pain. Yeah, let him read what he wants, seems fair.

Yikes! I see my post is WAY out of order! Oh well, wouldn't be the first time.

'night all.

Yes I remember Sam Kinison. I believe he died quite young. Maybe I am wrong but for some reason I thought he was originally from Oklahoma. Maybe I am confusing him with Gaylord Sartain.

BTW, the term "hung like a hamster" now has meaning for me.

Sam was young. I recall that he had just been married and he and his bride were on their way to LV for their honeymoon. Their car was hit by a drunk driver. Sam was not wearing his seat belt and was killed on impact. His bridge survived.

A bit of trivia. Sam and Kim Basinger were born on the same day. Not sure where he was from but Kim Basinger was born and raised in the music capital of the world, Athens, Ga.

Is that the only way they could identify him? By his dental records?

Since I have totally given up on larousse explaining about the X-ray vision and the Johnson lever, can someone please explain what the heck a "clue stick" is? Obviously Aussie talk.

Oops - just googled it. I guess it is metaphorical. Don't even want to go there.

Metaphor? Too many this month.

howdy folks,

WH choses to remain WH although denies any WH behaviors. States he is "moving toward separation"...will remain out of our home for at least the next 6 weeks...I must agree with his explanation although don't believe it is why he is remaining outside the home...states it is unfair to kids now that he is out to come back without certainty of wanting M just to leave again later. I was in total agreement and laid down the conditions he would need to meet if he ever decided he wanted to return...after that he said we were done, blew up, then apologized and spent time with kids, ate dinner and actually asked me to do some of his laundry!!!

I explained I wanted nothing to do with him, and pretty much outlined plan B except I have no mediary to assist with kid coordination so I requested electronic comm for that. I instructed the kids that mom did not want to speak to dad on the phone so not to offer it to dad.

Initially the kids had been fine with WH being gone. No complaints, no asking for him etc. My DS has been the only one to show signs of despair re: his absence. Last night my girls broke down and sobbed not specifically missing their dad but b/c of our sitch there will be many changes that were not planned for or anticipated including us relocating in the summer. My kids do not want to move but DD1 sobbed that she just wanted to move now and get it over with so it wouldn't hurt so much in the meantime.

I am so angry to have to see what my kids are going through. I am also on fire that I will have to miss out on pieces of Holidays so that they can spend some with their dad. Why should we be punished b/c of his crap choices? I am taking them out of state for Turkey day to spend time with relatives. Coincidently it is WH bday same day...next week is our anniversary...what a lovely reminder...my dog managed to chew up my wedding shoes...irony...I had dumped the bin with wedding shoes last week when I packed WH belongings and sent him on his way.

Life, quite an adventure.

Beth, I believe our kids are going through the same stage...sorry for both of us but I think the key is that they go off of our attitude and behavior for the most part. I have reinforced and been consistent that their Dad loves them, what is happening is not their fault, their dad is confused about his life right now, no matter what happens I will be with them to take care of them, love them and provide for them. I consistently offer them contact via phone to say good morning and good night to WH if they want to...often they do not but at least the option is always available. WH visits and spends more time with them now then in the past year. It appears his goal is cordial co-parenting for him without the responsibility of being a parent.

I cleared up the deal about responsibilities of a parent which I think put the icing on the cake but I wasn't about to let him think that if he did decides to return that he would be returning to cake eat in all categories.

I am very doubtful that this will end in anything but D, however I am not planning on filing until spring for a variety of reasons.

Tons of work all due today that I must complete...sorry to vent and run but will return tonight.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers...it was a LONG day.

2much,

The dog is sending you a very clear message <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm so sorry for your children. They didn't ask for any of this and I'm sure they are afraid because they have no idea what it all means. Life as they knew it is gone. Remind them that they can always rely on you and that WH is still their father and that you both love them and that none of this was their fault. They need extra care and attention right now so always be there to reassure them even if they don't seem to need it. I understand the anger. I never seemed to get too upset about things WW did to me but whenever I saw the DDs cry, I could hev ripped her head off (and often did verbally). Nobody messes with the kids! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

{{{{2much}}}},

Yes, it's undoubtedly the kids who suffer the most. Well, once you get over his WW behavior.

My youngest had the hardest time. We had many tearful conversations. With time though the boys have seen ex & I both love them & will care for them. I remember my therapist saying the first things kids want to know is how their lives will change.

None of this can be rushed. You can only reassure them on a daily basis that you love them & will care for them. They want to feel safe & loved & it sounds like you're doing that for them.

{{{{2much}}}}

Here’s a rundown of the weekend and some thoughts and responses.

My roommate is CH. CH and I have an old friend BT. CH, BT, and I went to a bra/restaurant Friday evening for happy hour and had a good time. We spent a lot of the time talking to a girl from Brazil who was recently divorces and gain some insight to women’s perceptions of dating divorced men. CH went home early and BT and I went to another bar. I had one beer there and went home at a vey reasonable time. Home is CH’s house.

Saturday I opened a new checking account and moved what was left in our joint savings account to the new checking account. I intend to close the old checking (joint) account after I can get my payroll ACH moved to the new account. I then went to my STBX-house and started loading up my tools. STBXW does not appear to be happy and I would hazard a guess that she is depressed. I got over there about 10:35 and STBXW had not showered and was still in her bathrobe. She expressed some concerns about post divorce life for DD13. I told her to lighten up and not worry about it. She has a very sideways-way of conversing that I find very annoying. She is very insecure at this point.

I got some packing done and then took DD13 out to lunch. We had a good conversation and I told her not to worry as I would be taking care of her when she was with me. I have a 1999 ford Explorer and filled it up to where I couldn’t see out of the side windows. I also collected some more clothes and some odds and ends. I took this all back to CH’s house and unloaded. I ended up cooking dinner for CH and then we got ready to go to our favorite bar. BT met us there later. We met many women and I gave my card to two of them. This was a change of philosophy for me in that I don’t want their phone numbers and instead want them to call me if they are interested. We stayed until close (01:00) and went home.

I slept very well and got up at 07:45 on Sunday. I did some laundry and CH invited me to go to his church. I had not been to church in almost 30 years and things have changed. We went to what CH called a contemporary church, I might call it non-traditional. It was a very positive experience and I was moved at one point and almost required a Kleenex. I enjoyed the experience and told CH I would go back. After church, I showed CH the house that I am interested in. We then went home and I went out for lunch. After lunch, I worked out and then did some light grocery shopping. I talked to a friend in Michigan and then talked to my sister who I haven’t seen or talked to in quite a while. I will be joining her family for Thanksgiving. She requested that DD13 attend as well and I will float this idea with STBXW. I had a nice salad for dinner. One of CH’s girlfriends came over and I had a nice chat with her. She has a friend who is a real estate agent so I asked CH’s girlfriend to contact her friend for me. The friend was described to me as being hot, single, and 34. I of course have no problem with that. They went out for dinner and I did some more laundry, watched TV, and called my mom. The came home later and we talked again. They went to have some SF, so I wrapped it up and decided to go to bed early. I slept fairly well but was up for about an hour in the middle of the night.

I had a nice weekend. There were no downer moments. I am on an upswing for the last several days. I am starting to have some clarity about what was and what is. I feel that STBXW for years didn’t allow me to be me. When I am me, people respond to it in a positive fashion.

I have no pain at the moment. I have moved on from it. If STBXW begged me to come back, I would say no. I am ready to move on and I’m ready to date. I don’t want anything serious, I want to have fun and keep it light. Some meaningful SF would be nice. My ENs are ranked thusly:

1. Affection.
2. SF.
3. Admiration

I want to get the divorce over ASAP. I want to buy a house and get moving. I am ready for some new experiences. I am being cautious and CH has been giving me some great advice. I’m not going to jump into anything serious as I’m not ready for that. I could love again, but not now. I feel stronger every day and happier as well. I have settled into what is the start of a new life.

I appreciate everyone’s advice.

Booka - reality check.

You are ****MARRIED****

Married people DO NOT DATE.