Glad to hear you are doing ok, 2much.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Cherise,

Excellent post and valid points. I hope others will heed your wisdom and experience.

Hang in there Booka...I have tons of anger but like you no real venue to express it. I am thinking of taking up boxing or shooting either one will be a good release...for now I settle for running but it just doesn't seem to get it.
My DD2 has been expressing her anger through artwork and I must say she is fantastic...I would have her sell her work except that it has way too much significance to me and her both!

I must confess, I drank a cognac in your honor the other day but was too sad to finish it and dumped it out...I know, that is unheard of but I have been having great swings in emotion over a matter of hours...most likely the Holiday, infidelity, divorce mix...I'da know, maybe I'm just hormonal

Good luck with the house and enjoy the family...it is always good to renew old bonds with family. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you, Todd. I just hate it when people deal in absolutes. There are no absolutes when it comes to human emotions. Hope all is well with you and I hope to see steph back. And please don't allow anyone to be chased off by any other poster. It is best to just take the advice that you feel will be helpful to your situation and ignore the rest.

Thank you cherise. I also detest absolutes. Absolutes will always get one in trouble. Wait, that's an absolute itself...

I think Harley would be the first to admit that when it comes to psychology and the study of human behavior, there are some principles, but they are hardly carved in bedrock like, oh let's say, principles of physics are. Yet, there are those who peddle arrogance instead of good solid advice.

Exactly, although there are alot of similarities in most affair behaviors, the actions and reactions of all parties are unpredictable... because people in themselves are. Each betrayed partner has to constantly 'tweak' their own plan for recovery to adjust to this.

And by the way, what about the affairs where a child becomes involved. You wouldn't just tell the BS to just give it up because there is going to be contact.

I don't believe I posted this previously but if so, please ignore this.

DS1 and I are no longer going to the South Carolina coast for TG. He reinjured his back again and cannot sit for the car drive. He originally hurt in while on a deep sea photoshoot and when he stepped off the boat onto the dock, there was something slippery on the dock and his feet literally came out from under him. He is in mortal pain right now.

So, new plans are for DS1 and I to go out to dinner for a traditional TG dinner. Meanwhile, WW is again back with her BF. BF and her boyfriend are in Florida. So, WW has the run of her house and according to DS3, is hosting TG dinner there. BTW, forgot to mention, BF was at a Halloween Party, got very drunk, fell as broke her shoulder. No comment.

2muchhrtbrk,

I not sure my anger weighs tons, but...

I am hanging in there. I now enjoy being me.

I haven't had a cognac in years, but appreciate our sentiment. I will hoist a glass of red wine in our honor this evening. I am sorry you are going through such trying times. The holidays have always been difficult or me, but maybe they'll improve for me this year. Stick to your running as it should help to even your emotions. I wnet out for a 1-hour walk up and down many hills last night in some very cold weather. The night was calm and still and it helped me to feel that way also.

I juist recieved a counter-offer on the house and am prepared to file my counter-offer. Here is a link to the house.

Booka...the link?

Cherise, you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. There are BS's that have C with the OC without ever having contact with the OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I get pretty angry when people spout about what they have no experience with.

BTW, the presence of an OC is a unique situation that the BS needs to consider long and hard before deciding to continue the M. So there you are making assumptions after you judged others for doing so.

Actually, FF, You are very, very wrong. I have SO much experience dealing with this. My oldest Grandchild, Randal is an OC. Before he died my son adopted him. He is a child who grew in my heart.
So, I have been on almost all sides of this equation.

In that case you should have much sensitivity then you displayed in your post.

Pio,

My ignore list has grown exponentially over the last few days. Keeping up with TKO is not so difficult any longer. I am doing my best to catch up with you. My current list is 14,730. Am I even close to you yet?

What, just because I had been a BW for 4 years when this happened, was I supposed to be the god-awful MIL who simply says DIL was this terrible person!Leave her! Or have done what I did, which was introduce them HERE. They recovered their marriage and went on to have two more beautiful children.
Never assume anything. And I stand by my statement that there are no absolutes. And if I know nothing about all this, I wouldn't have just celebrated the eighth anniversary of recoverey! We are happy and at peace. Wishing peace to all out there also. Perservere and be kind to all!!!!

The word "house" at the end of the sentence is the actual link, click on it (it is highlighted in blue).

HELLLLOOOOO EVERYBODY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am back in town... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

...been busy catching up... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

...the 'emotionometer' of this thread... it's in the 'danger' zone...people are ALL over the place! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Here's a question for you all to think about: you can run your life based on 'thermometer' or a 'thermostat' theory.... what's the difference? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

...gotta go now....but will be back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Cherise,

Allow me to say this.

1. Dr Harley clearly and unambiguously says NC is essential to recover

2. Your membership of a group of 0.05% IMO of "successful" recoveries with on-going contact merely proves the rule that recovery is impossibile with ongoing contact

3. NC is NEVER impossible. Maybe inconvenient or costly but NEVER impossible

4. Your support or contact in recovery to Stef may well make her feel better about what she is doing but it will not enable her to join your exclusive group. It is therefore very damaging to her chances of recovery.

5. If you want to continue this discussion, by all means let's but not here on TKO. Pio wants this thread to be a safe haven for Stef.

Ah Luna. Too easy. The thermometer reads the temperature but the Thermostat sets it. Reactive versus active. WHat is my prize?