I'm praying for you Cind. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain. Try to take it easy.

(((((Cin)))))

Those crystal high heels are to blame for all your pain.

Really, wear normal shoes as the rest of us.

I'm sorry for your physical pain and for the inceritude you are living right now.

Thanks.....Keep it up. This is gonna be a long haul, no matter what happens.

[/quote]

Is the relationship with The Diplomat serious? Fairly.

He thinks I am The One.

I think he could be. The major problem is religious. We are strikingly dissimilar. However, you know, that Christian husband didn't display the most Christian behavior.

We have been seeing each other since January 2001. No plans for the future, really.

The understanding is that we are a pretty good team. Quite well matched in many ways. But, we both have children who are teenagers. Between us, we have 4. Mine are 16 and 13. His are 17 and 14. We are committed to both parents being as active as possible in the children's lives. He maintains he wants to relocate after his youngest one goes to college.

We are both willing to let the other person go - if that person finds someone who is as good a fit - especially if they live in the area. In all the years since doofus left, God hasn't sent anyone significant who lived near me. So, until He does, here I am.

I'm not looking for anyone else but no one has appeared.

Todd,

The thing I find unusual about your WW is that she keeps coming back to the same thing. Even in a single conversation she goes from not having an A, to having an A to should have had many more years earlier and then back to not having the A. Yet she still continues to call. She is the one making the contact. So what is she after?

If you go to buy a used car and the salesman tells you it will cost $500 and you offer $200 and he counters with $450, you don't usually come back with $200. You negotiate to try to come to an agreement.

Your STBXW is window shopping with no intent to buy. Once the salesman realizes that, he loses interest as well and keeps to his original price. Then he goes back to his office, puts his feet up on the desk and reads his newspaper.

I'll go ahead and post this with the caveat that I offer no opinion as to the significance. They are just two comments that SIL made to me when we visited there last that struck me as a bit odd.

One comment she made to me is that I must have now realized that I am not the only man in the world and that gemela has found someone that interests her more and that I needed to change if I was to be considered as a viable option.

The other comment that struck me is when she told me that if her (OM pretend H) became uninteresting to her, she would leave in an instant.

I guess what I found odd was that it implied a rather loose belief in the sanctity of marriage. I don't know if that is SIL's opinion, joint opinion between the two or what. I don't know if that is a woman thing, a Latin woman thing or just a twisted woman thing but it is serious entitlement at work.

I also have to remind myself that she is not actually married to her "husband". Their mother is the opposite. She would (and did) sacrifice anything for her children. So I see a huge disconnect between MIL and her daughters.

I guess my point is that you cannot discount the cultural difference and it may be playing a significant factor in your STBXW's actions.

As I said before, I think she is window shopping. If she can get the used car at the price she wants, she'll take it. She also has several decades of Catholic training working against her. Guilt is a powerful motivator. Unfortunately if she does buy the used car, she won't place much value on it and will mistreat it until it falls apart. She'll never put oil in it, she'll throw her trash in the back seat, etc. She won't appreciate it because it didn't cost her any effort to get it.

But why does she keep asking? That is the puzzle. My first guess is that she goes through waves of extreme guilt. Those could be brought on by the melancholy of alcohol which may be a reason that she is drunk almost every time she calls.

I think WW wants to get you back in the M to help make her feel better about herself. She doesn’t seem to be interested in making you feel better about yourself. She has something broken and she needs you to be the band aid to fix her problem. What drove her to the A remains and will likely remain even if you two decide to live together under the same roof again. Are the BF's empowering WW? Very likely. Left to her own devices, I don't think she could have maintained her attitude this long.

I think what made a huge difference in my case is that gemela went on a mad search for enablers and didn't really find them. All her friends were essentially pro-marriage so, in terms of the A, she just had the "wrong" friends.

I don't think it is a coincidence that your WW and her friends share some characteristics. This goes back to my post a while back about divorce being contagious. Peoples' values are at least partially formed by their environment. Why do kids get involved with drugs? Why do we not want them to hang out with the "wrong crowd"? Because we know that everyone is capable so we try to mitigate the external influences.

I bet pepperband packs heat.

Pio,

very clear post. I agree with your points of view. My impression is that some modern catholics don't have the concept of the sanctity of marriage the way it used to be. Added to that the media reinforces the idea that marriage as an hedonist comodity, a form and not an unbreakable union.


I was thinking... Could it be that Pep and ML play good cop-bad cop ? !!!!

I would keep their autographes either way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I don't think Pep likes heat that much. Some mornings she brags about being in front of the pc nakie .

(Think I'm in trouble now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I have my celebrities signatures book at hand, just in case. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Thank you for sharing, Larousse... dreams are dreams... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> disappointments are disappointments <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />.... all is relative.... here's another rule:

No comparisons allowed.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

becaaauuussseee we are ALL..... U N I Q U E !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Pio? .... since I was so impressed with your'superduper' charts.... any advice on how to go about keeping track of, or referencing, my 'own' rules around here?<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

(Me no understand what is 'superduper' charts' Buah.)

Luna,

what's your favorite animal? From the animal species I mean.

Cind...sorry to hear the news...please keep us up to date.

(((((((((((((((Cinderella))))))))))))))



I agree with you Pio...in my case, WS 'knew' he needed to surround himself with a lot of 'enablers', and did. Also, unfortunately, committment to marriage is not being taken very seriously these days...



...'superduper' charts is just another way of saying 'fancy' charts... (referring to Pio's charts of G's telephone exchanges, etc etc)

A favourite animal?....let's see... seeing that I often visited my grandparents' farm when I was little...I guess 'farm animals' have a special place in my heart....you know...cows, sheep, chickens, dogs...

We have a BIG dog (who is just a really BIG baby!) and a cat....

Now...if I think 'jungle'...let's see.... Tarzan...LOL...

...just recently, in the SF bay...spotted a few sea lions doing some 'serious' sun bathing...that REALLY made me laugh!

...seeing that all have something 'loveable' about them....having a hard time choosing...

...you seem to like animals a lot... do you have a favourite?

Did someone say farm animals?

Are you asking about farm animals, Pio?

...and since you seem to be around, Pio...still waiting to hear from you about what I can EXPECT to happen if I wear jewelry (missed post or intentional?!?)....it's been on ma mind since you mentioned it....WITHOUT any explanation.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

....and...an uninformed 'imagination' can ran wild... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BTW...are you busy putting up xmas lights on your palm trees? ...don't let the sand get in your eyes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Since larousse originally asked the question, I told her any type of jewelry could get her killed in Mexico City. Thieves steal first and check later. Not many of them are experts so they go for anything that shines.

...oh..I see....nothing to do with the 'metal' itself..

good thing I asked! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

well...checking out to get some beauty sleep...

Take care everybody...

nite Luna

Okay that's just way TMI.

And besides - she doesn't have to worry about shrinkage!

Luna,

I have a question that I thought you might have the inside scoop on. Since Quebec is now officially a sovereign nation residing within a united Canada, will you start opening bingo halls?

Todd,

I know you are deep into War and Peace and have been in Peace for at least a week now and, considering that Peace is pretty boring, you must have gotten back to the taxt code. So I have a question. If WW has been providing substantial support for OM for the better part of this year, can you claim OM as a dependent on your 1040?