Internet dating is...interesting.

What I think of it as is an introduction service. I won't email forever, I won't talk on the phone forever before meeting someone, ALWAYS in a public place. You can only learn so much about a person online. You MUST meet in person to know if there's any chemistry.

It's no more scary than meeting someone in real life then going on a date. You learn about someone by spending time with them, getting to know them, their friends, family etc. How you were introduced doesn't matter much IMO.

I don't need to feel instant attraction, but within a few dates I'd like to feel something more than friendship if we're going to go any further.

I think your friend is on very shaky ground. Just the statement "...has never met the love of her life..." is frightening. She has fallen in love with a part of a person who may or may not have represented himself honestly. She needs to meet him & learn about him & his life. All before she refers to him as the love of her life. Just MVHO

I've taken some before shots of my work, not pretty but I thought you'd like to see the steps involved, but I wasn't able to able to upload to where I have the other photos. I'll have to figure that out. I'll take more pictures when the pieces are set up tomorrow. Thanks for the interest.

Hi Beth,

-No...WS is a francophone from Quebec...
-Yes...I am in PLAN B
-I send him one email a week...strictly 'functional' re boys
-the boys alternate one week each
-WS has chosen not to 'live' with OW...but I suspect he spends the week boys are with me at her place
-WS would very much like to do 'friendly co-parenting' with me and wants to 'reconnect' with me, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> but I will have nothing to do with him until OW is out of the picture...
- besides, I take 'parenting' responsibilities very seriously...I am raising boys...and I want them to SEE that 'cheating' is no way to nurture an intimate relationship...and that in life, there are consequences... which should be evaluated 'beforehand'....and that THEY should not tolerate 'cheating' should they ever be subjected to it...and finally, that THEY (and I) are worth it, regardless of the message that WS is sending us!

Now...your turn...exactly what are your plans? Ignore that you have a WS on your hands and that OW is pregnant until after holidays? Then what....file for D, or are you interested in recovering your M?

Yes...I know...I don't beat around the bush! ...but answers are on a voluntary basis here...and everyone here gets to practice 'patience', feel no pressure to answer....actually, I consider myself a pro at it.... check my signature line....been in PLAN B practically a year and half now...(think cc46 - now ccbis - is the only one beating that record...with almost 2 years in PLAN B this holiday...)



Beth...if I may (hoping Larousse won't mind) while I am here, I will fill you in on Larousse's name...(and please jump in anyone if I am wrong - as if encouragement is needed!) it is a well-known fact around here that Larousse was stuck when it came to finding a poster name...what she had on a shelf very close to her computer was a French dictionary - Larousse - but...Larousse is NOT a dictionary...got it, Beth? Now...I felt I little bit entitled to furnish you with an explanation...because I am as close as you can get to a 'francophone' around here, not counting Todd DS1 FGF (French girlfriend)....and Ahuman....but we have not seen her around lately....she may be a bit busy with her work!

I will let Larousse answer your other very 'personal' questions...

Yeah, Pio...do you have a son? (I also picked that up, Beth, and like you, I am very curious to hear about it...)...



Nams....are your pieces at war? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

BigK,

Maybe I am pressuring myself??

I do have something that I need some help with. I asked Pio a rather personal question earlier which all ties in with my new dilema. It seemed pretty quiet on here today so I didn't feel like I was taking up all the space. I feel so self centered when I just write about my problems.

Also, I did so badly want to have a wonderful Christmas with my family this year and face everything later, but the world sometimes will not wait.

Okay, here goes!

When I learnt that my H was still involved with the OW I asked him to leave. Ever since he has been trying to R like never before and we have never seen so much of him at home.
He makes all the right promises etc. but I don't trust him.
Then of course my PI informed me of the OC. I flipped on that one as you know. My H did not deny the OC and was already having a paternity check done and she is his child.
He said a child never entered his head! My sons know better!!

NOW, the mother or maybe that should be the person that gave birth to this child wishes to (deleted -sorry) Yes, you read that correctly.

Bigk, I love children, I wanted ten of them but I cannot have any more except through adoption which I would naturally consider. I haven't persued adoption due to my health and the state of my M. I have never stopped loving my H although I hate him at times. I am cancer free at the moment but my Dr. is on the alert for more, so I am not sure of my prognosis. I am fairly religious and I try to follow the scriptures and be a good person.

I'm sorry I can't write anymore now, maybe I shouldn't have started this today. But your input if you can follow what I wrote, would be very welcome, I'll be back.

Sorry, just teary.

Luna,

Sorry, your replied as I wrote. I guess I have answered a lot of your questions without knowing you were asking.

I'm coming back later. You can always ask me anything. Just need to go for a walk.

Beth.

Where's Superman?

Hope he hasn't tried to cook supper at his place again... he must be on the firemen's MOST WANTED list...or maybe he finally fell into a deep sleep trying to read the Tax Act...and having nightmares over the Atlanta concert hall...

Beth,

If you're not ready to go through all this, don't. take whatever time you need to feel comfortable. We may all want to know what's up, but we don't want you to do anything before you're ready.

Luna,

Pottery gets "fired" in a kiln, meaning it is heated to a very high temp., I fire to about 2145 F. Many people fire twice, first to bisque (about 1950 F) the work which makes it hard but still porous. Then you glaze it, then fire it again. Lesson 1.

You have got a lot on your plate...I don't know what BigK will answer....but in case you have not checked it out, there is a section here that discusses OCs....maybe it will be helpful to you to hear what some other BSs dealing with OCs have to say...you know...the reality of it!

There is one poster who drops by here sometimes who has been around awhile and who is in R, and have custody of OC... (Dealen...or something like that...I am sure someone will provide us with the right poster name)...

A walk is good.....good for thinking things out!

...and thanks for sharing...

OMIGOSH Beth. WOW. I need to think about this.

Beth - I think these are 2 separate issues.

Recovery

OC

I totally understand your not believing or trusting WH. Will he commit to recovery and all it entails?
Openness
Honesty
Full disclosure
counselling
etc

If he will do these things and your marriage is recoverable...

then


OC.

If you can get full custody and NC with OW then I would say it may be the best solution in a menu of bad options.

But probably only if your marriage can recover.

She must give up all rights and have no contact with OC.

WOW

I had a can of lobster bisque. I tried heating it to 1950 degrees. It burned. Was that centigrade or farenheit?

OK smart a.s Pio, I put an F not a C.

Beth,

WOW!

I honestly don't know what I'd do.

For me to take on another child I would want to have a rock solid marriage. Or as close as one can get to that. I would need to have such trust in my H, to know he was as committed as I was, to me & the children.

In light of the fact your H has had several OW I'd also want a binding legal contract for support of the child, BEFORE the fact.

In my heart I'd like to think I could take on another child (especially given the "mother"), but I just don't know that I could under the circumstances you find yourself in.

You say you love you H, why? As BigK pointed out is he willing/capable of doing the work necessary to recover your marriage? How do you know you can trust him given his history of lying?

Another few questions I'd ask myself: If you hadn't found out about the OC what was your H going to do regarding the fact the OW wanted to "sell" him the child? What was he going to do about the child? What was he going to tell you? Would he have? Not what he tells you, what your intuition tells you.

Have you gotten yourself checked for STDs? Considering the OW, you may want to RUN to the Dr. for testing.

Agree with Nams on all points.

Hi,

Only have a minute as tonight is IC night, but I will come back after that. I am getting the feeling one IC is not enough and I need a team of them!

Thanks everyone, sorry I got emotional. My dad would have said "if you can't take the heat then get out of the kitchen."

BigK, I think you should have called yourself BigH. That is how I always think of you. The H stands for heart.

Nams, I have no idea why I still love my H. But I do not confuse love with respect and honor. I collect damaged birds and animals and nurse them back to health and he is so damaged. How do I shrug on here?

I'll check back in later. Sorry I had to eat and run.

Beth

I'll be signing off for the night after this Beth but I'm going to ask you a couple of more questions. You don't have to answer publicly but you may want to consider them for yourself.

When I read that you have no idea why you love your H & that you say your H is damaged & you nurse damaged animals back to health, I wondered if you love the idea of rescuing your "damaged" H rather than actually loving him as a person. Please know I mean no disrespect. What immediately came to mind was the "white knight syndrome" in reverse. It's a very powerful feeling to know someone depends on you & you have the power to help them. Not sure I'd call it love if it's for a partner VS a child though.

I'd also ask myself these questions: What do I see in my future with my H? Is that what I want for my future? Is my H worthy/deserving of the love I can give him? Will he love & care for me as I do him? Can I trust him?

I'm sure there are more. Time will reveal them.

{{{{{Beth}}}}}

I totally agreee and I'm glad someone finally said it!



Oh....er....never mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

One last thing Beth.

What were your H's intentions regarding the child before you knew & now that you do? What are they should you D? This will sound harsh, do you think he may be wanting to reconcile so he will have you to look after his child & he can ease his conscience?

Probably enough for tonight.

Well, BigK was right. He said "like she won't be back" and here I am.

The time out was good. It made me realise I have nothing to be ashamed of, I have as much right to be here as anyone else and I don't need to let criticism get to me as much as it does.

So here I am.

One more thing. Pio, this is your thread (or you seem to think it is). If I'm unwelcome just let me know and I'll disappear again.