For those who remember me or even remotely remember abit of my story...

I finally managed to find a full-time job in an entirely different field in mid-April. The pay is half of what I used to earn but it helped a great deal with the daily necessities and utilities and such.

However, financial issues re: my big ticket items are still up in the air.

The Aus apartment still can't be sold after 8 mths putting it up in the market. And that's a major concern.

Hence, beginning of last week, I wrote to STBX abt this and told him that if he knew of an alternative prop agent in Aus, pls let me know.

He replied saying that his own financial position has become worse and he's being chased by cr card companies. Also, the travel biz he co-owned with 6 other ppl is not doing well at all and losing money.

He said he is worried that he will be bankrupted soon and asked me to quickly sell this apartment my parents and I are living in.

I told him to source for prop agents. And I told him that I am also only currently earning half what I used to earn (the labour market here is bad.. pay rates have gone down due to outsourcing, etc). In case, he's thinking I'm now flushed with cash, just coz I got a job.

He replied further with two emails with perplexing "last BTW-type questions". One asking for an update concerning my Dad (a family issue that happened ard the same time STBX packed up and left) and he said he'll "understand if I don't want to talk". HUH. The other email asking me for the latest pic of our beloved and 15-yo dog?!?!?!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I didn't supply much info and I told him I did not have a latest pic of our dog.

He also mentioned that he didn't know where to get extra money and he hasn't got the time for part-time work. Asked me to refer ppl to him if they needed help with website-building.

As I didn't trust him at all, I emailed one of his co-directors, S, an old contact/ acquaintance. I said I wanted to verify this story that I was told so that I cld make the wise decisions concerning my financial state. S confirmed the back story and I now have a more complete (although brief) pic of what's happening at the travel co.

So, I'm now currently praying that I will be able to sell this apt that I'm staying in v soon.... and before STBX gets into a financial and legal fix. I have asked him that we consider asking the Aus bank to take over the prop and sell it off. I also am praying that I will be able to afford a smaller but cosier place for parents and myself (and doggie!) Time is of the essence. I feel as if I'm living on borrowed time which can be rather stressful.

There are also other joint debts rel to these joint property ownership that have not yet been settled.

But I'm still continuing to think positively though. That things will work out for the better. I do know that I will be v relieved once I no longer co-own anything with STBX. I can't wait to begin living my life from a clean slate.

You begin to wonder if OW really knows his fin'l state and all that jazz.. bu then I think what's the point. Not my problem now.

One of my oldest friend is also back in town to attend her father in law's funeral. I'm really glad she's here physically as I know I will be grateful for her emotional support during this difficult time.

Other than that, during this year past after D-Day, I've made lots of new friends. Some v good old ones have continued to show how faithful and supportive and loving they are. And some new ones have shown themselves to be patient and give a great listening ear and continue to give me positive vibes.

It's only the financial issues that bother me so... I'm doing v much better emotionally. Still dealing with some anger issues but I know I will deal with them in time to come and channel that energy somewhere else.

Hey Ashley.

I often wonder about you and how things are going for you. I'm glad you sound so positive - I always knew you were a survivor.

How are your parents doing? I hope you can get a new place sorted out for the three of you (and doggie!) soon.

Take care,

Alph.

Ashley, it's really good to hear from you and it sounds as if you are really detached. That's very good, at least according to Dr. Harley. That's what I love about plan B, you HAVE to detach and therefore have your OWN life.

Financial problems are a hassle but it's only money... comes and goes.

Do keep us updated every now and then

Hey cc and Alphin.. nice to "see" the two of you around.

Ah well this just in. Just goes to show how life can quickly throw a curve ball.

The bosses just announced that the co where I'm currently working now is not doing well and they will be reducing head count with immediate effect. I do not know yet if I'll be asked to go but chances are high since I was the "last one in". So I'm kinda looking for a job yet again. (I'm going to be getting used to these type of "Bad" news.)

Yes, I know the financial thing is a hassle and it will come and go.. I don't quite care for riches. But it's whether I will have a roof over my head that worries me. With STBX not giving me a CENT at all .. and I can't afford rent for three people...

~A

Hi A88,

It sounds like in spite of life's ups and downs... you are 'managing'....

...yes...given your STBX financial problems, I would agree, it will be a big relief to you to not have any joint assets with him... and this, too, will happen....

....about your job.....if you managed to find one....you will find another one, if you have to!

Do keep us up to date....because, I for one, certainly wonder how you, and others, are doing after not having had any news for a long time.....

I myself don't come as often to the Board.... but expect to be and 'oldtimer'.......and so not to worry....there will be people around that will 'know you'!

...and for newbies...well...it will just confirm that life goes on....once the crisis has passed!

I found your update! Be open to opportunities...you never know whats around the corner. If the job market is not so great there would you be willing to relocate? Would that be possible for your parents?

hi lunamare, ChaCha.. thanks for posting!

I'm doing rather well emotionally. Just not well financially due to the big ticket items and housing issues.

I didn't get the axe. But I feel as if I just narrowly escaped from getting the termination letter. I wld like to/ appreciate being able to stay here for a few more months though, in case I need to apply for a housing loan for the next smaller apartment. But meanwhile, I'm sourcing for other options too.

ChaCha -- imagine living in a small island state that takes barely 45 mins to drive from one end to the other (in the widest section). More than 1 hr's drive, and you might end of in an ocean on any side. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
If I were to relocate, it means emigrating to another country. I cannot do that with practically no funds, and not being able to sell off my apartment. These are things I need to settle first before one can even think of moving to country XYZ to start life anew.

~A

A new update

I've managed to sell both my property.. the one in Australia and the one I'm currently staying in now.
Both at a loss and the local one at a great financial loss.

Of coz STBX doesn't feel a thing - it's not his money.

He is still "happily" and deep in his A and has shown no signs whatsoever in wanting to remain in contact or any remorse, etc

He has also not contributed to my finances in any way since last December. I'm basically bearing the cost of living of 3 persons alone -- i.e. my parents and myself. He keeps saying he has nil balance in his bank, but he only needs to take care of himself. Can you imagine him with nil balance and hoping to marry the OP and have kids?? I guess reality has never quite set in. Or they are just unrealistically optimistic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I suppose that means, I *am* better off doing without him, as I cannot imagine living the rest of my life with such a person.

In fact, I feel less and less love for him as time goes by. And I also do not feel the necessity or urge to keep any remaining love just for him or whatsoever. I guess when you have no children, and no love for in-laws, things can be a little 'easier'.

Two of my major problems down. (As I don't have to worry about expensive loan instalments). But I have two more things to work out on an urgent basis.

Cheap rental housing (not easy to find in this parts of the world) for parents, me and doggie... and to secure a more stable full-time job.

Many ppl has already left the company that I am working in and there are signs that our dept may not stay open for long. I've been actively searching for a new job again since last month and a half, but no offers yet. If I can get one, I can at least still bear rental + monthly expenses for awhile... before I am able to prove to a bank I earn a constant income in order to get a loan for a new small place.

I really hope to solve my major problems within 6 mths to a year.

~A

Hi Ashley! Sorry about the financial difficulties. Just wanted to say "hi" and wish you the best. It sounds like you are moving on in life and that is good.

thanks for your post, ff.

I have to search hunting for suitable cheap but yet not too shabby/ unhygenic place to live in for awhile.

I'm still amazed though at the lack of remorse at WS side.. including how much support he garners actually -- from his family, his colleagues. It's like pple choose to turn a blind eye to what's going on and shrug it off as if it's kismet.

Maybe one day soon, I'll stop being amazed.

Update..

I have now sold the apartment I was living in. I'm still here and will officially move on 23 Sep.

Sold at a loss so no money coming back. And to top it off, I have to foot legal fees myself.

As expected, WH is not helping in any way financially.

I managed to find an unfurnished rental place for parents, doggie and me. This way I can shift most of my current (and rather new) furniture in.

I hope to hole up here for a year but in 6 mths' time, search to buy a suitable place. Once I'm able proof stable income and get a bank loan.

The co I was working in fell into financial difficulties for our biz section. MD has officially announced that our section will close wef yesterday. And is giving us due 30-day notice.

As we already knew of their money probs 1.5 mth ago, I have been searching for a job. After a hard search, I managed to find one and new lady boss called me this Tue and wants me to join ASAP.

My earliest date of release from current place of work is 25 Aug. I start new job on 28 Aug.

Financially, things will still be tough due to the cash outlay for rental. I will barely scrape by .. thru my teeth.. and will have little to save.

But if my plan goes well, I hope to have my head above water in 6mth to 1 yr.

Meanwhile, WS is still acting as if I don't exist. I probably no longer exist and will continue not to exist in his life. (As he has continued to do since he stepped out of our home.)

When things settle down and when I can budget for legal fees, I will be filing for D.

~A

Wow, it is amazing how despite all that is thrown against you, you are surviving.

Glad you got a place and a new job!! Very proud of your Ashley! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Thanks for the encouragement and support, Orchid!

~A

My Aus lawyer said that the settlement chq for our investment prop in Aus has just come in. But because I have instructed her to use the funds to pay alot of costs that WS didn't pay since a cpl of yrs back, we won't get much net proceeds left to utilise. I will be claiming for the leftover amount.

When I think of this investment prop, I feel angry. WS knew that we were not going to be making $ from this from 1-2 yrs back and did absolutely NOTHING about it. He didn't discuss it with me at all.. he didn't even TRY to get an agent to sell it off quickly. In the meanwhile, we chalked up more debts by paying the loan instalments till only 2 mths ago.

I feel anger for WS mostly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> No more sadness. I am trying to let go of this anger. It's not easy.

My stuff are now being packed up.. and boxes are everywhere. I'm getting ready for the move on 23 Sep. My lease for a rental place starts officially on 15 Sep. I really hope that the financial situation will continue to improve or level off.. and I can get my own place sometime next yr.

The new job isn't great. Boss doesn't give any directions and I don't think she knows her stuff. I'll stay in the meantime.. but I will also look for better paying options.

~A

Hi all

I'm now settling into my rental apartment. We moved in last Sat and was busy unpacking and arranging stuff during the weekend. The move itself was quick and smooth. Reliable movers. I have used them 3x already.

Managed to get most of the furniture into the smaller apartment.

I took off from work today to settle ancillary matters and get my broadband account up and running, as I also rely on eBay for earning part of the income I sorely need.

One of the last things to settle with ex is the final payment settlement for the apartment sale. He knew about the final amount early last week and I told him I had no more money to offer as part of my payment. I could only give him the legal fees I had budgeted for.

He said he'd source for the rest or borrow from his mom. This morn, which was the settlement date, he text me to say he cldn't raise the total amount and cld only source for half the amount. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I told him "sorry, I have no more to offer." He said he'd raise the other half tomorrow and told the lawyers that he'll pay the rest in cash.

I also have to figure out how to remit the Aus apartment leftover proceeds (not much at all) back to my account from the Aus bank. This will help with the rent for a mth or so.

So things are moving on. I'm sure by mid of next month, I will no longer need to contact ex even remotely at all. He has no idea where we are currently renting, and I will not be giving out that info at all.

I'm also sure that if things go according to what I have planned, my financial situation will slowly improve come next year.

~A

Glad to hear things are looking better. It's good to get updates, the only way to learn what REALLY happens.

All the best wishes to you, you deserve them.

Thanks for the concern, cc!

I will now try to get WH to close the joint accounts we have and then, I'll have nothing jointly owned with him. What a relief.