I went and posted this in the infidelity forum by accident. It belongs here. My appologies.

Hello. I've been with my fiance for 10 years now. We got engaged 3 years ago, reason for long engagement is lack of $$ reasons. I'm 28, she's about to turn 30. 3 years ago or so, before we were engaged, she told me that she felt as though we were just good friends, rather than in a relationship. we gave it time, and we survived. We then got engaged, got a home together. This past weekend she told me she feels the same way again, only stronger. She told me that it's not anything i've done, or not done. She's told me she doesnt want to give it more time and end-up being 35 feeling the same way. I've asked if we could try counceling, but she doesnt seem to think they'll help. What is ripping me apart is the fact she says i'm a good person, i'm not at fault, i've done nothing wrong, i dont know how to accept that she just doesnt want to be with me. She is the single best part of my life, without her i dont know how i will manage. I've told her i can change, i can do anything that is needed to help, but she goes back to saying i'm not doing anything wrong now.

My question is, is it normal to feel as though your just friends after a long relation ship. I wonder if where she's turning 30 soon, if that could be part of it. I do feel like this is over, and am completely grasping at straws to try and make this work. Thanks for reading.

Lokie,
I think you should be glad she told you now, rather than after you were married. I'm not sure how much importance you want to attach to her reasons why, although having a "milestone" birthday like 30 could be one of them. There could be many other reasons, also, including the fact that she's found someone else. You said you 'feel like this is over and grasping at straws to make this work', which is contradictory. If it's over, then let it be over and don't grasp at straws to make something work. This is not to belittle the hurt you must be feeling, but you can't change her mind - you can only change yourself.

Does the fact that you 'bought a house together' mean that you are financially tangled up with her on that purchase?

Dude, I know how hard it is to let go of someone that you love dearly and more than anything. You can and will love again. Seriously, let her go. It may take her a year or two to see what you two had together, but she'll never appreciate it while you're around. Let her go. If she comes back, get married and love her forever. Otherwise, count your lucky stars you know now. There's tons of women out there who won't be wishy washy.

I agree with your lucky it happened sooner than later.

Sometimes I think people have a fantasy things will change with the marriage piece of paper...like a piece of papaer will change their real feelings...and then when this magical thing doesn't change thier entire existence, their let down and want out.

You'll surely find someone, you know that.
Usually its the one left behind that deals with more emotional damage...afterall, the one leaving is doing what they want!

Wishy-washy= red flag
I'm not sure I would want to take her back though?
If she's emotional flip-floper, just think what would happen if you have kids, a home, and then years later..
she again says "oh I need to leave you..it feels even stronger than before the last time I left..etc.."

My bro ex comes around again out of survival, she's a mess.
He wants the sex but he knows if she was to return/move back in, it'd only be a matter of time until she "felt" different again.

sounds tough though beings you actually liked her.