Could some one guide to a happy place about my living arrangements? My WH and I are D, but we live under the same roof. He won't move out until our cout hearing on July 10 when we find out if he has to pay S. support. He tells me if he does he will live there until he has to stop paying.
1.Do I still pay all the bills or should we kind of slip them and make him take the time to write out checks and put in mailbox
2. Do I still cook for him?
3. Do I still do his laundry
4. Do I still shop for him
5. Do I still sit around after he keeps out of work and listen and talk with him about his day
6. If I call some one (mother) he ask you it is do I have to tell
I guess I'm wondering what is role as his soon to be ex. I'm so lost and confused. I love him, but hate all at the same time, I'm feeling weak and wanting to beg him to stay, but this crap of D has happened one to many times and it kills me each and every time. I want to lash out and be angry so I won't want him back, but when he is all nice and normal living like we have always done it plays on my heart. I keep telling myself he is just keeping peace. He is trying to make me feel bad about going after S. support, telling if he has to pay me he will have to quite his job and move downstate to live with his father. HELP!!!!!!!! I'm feeling weak and not wanting to upset his life. at my own and Daughters expense!!!!!!

Are you using a lawyer? I would talk to the lawyer about who gets custody of the house! Surely that is in your divorce settlement?
If that is still to be decided, it eventually should be figured out!

As far as what to do for him, treat him like you would a roommate.
If you are divorced, I would talk to your ex-H about who pays what bills. Who does what chores. I would not cook, shop, clean, wash for him. Would you do that for a roomate? If you want to talk to him and you enjoy it, go ahead. You would talk to a roommate.
If he asks who is on the phone, tell him if you want to, but don't if you don't. When divorced he lost that right.

In the divorce, the court papers make you swear that you are not cohabitating (ie. living in the same house) post divorce. Perhaps he needs a wake up call.

Why would you want to do anything for him. WBH's response is better than mine would have been. Roommates. OK.

I wouldn't do any/most of what you wrote in your list of questions.

When he bellyaches about how much divorce will cost him, tell you are sorry that his decisions are now so costly to him.

If you love him, then demonstrate some tough love, and be someone who is loveable and respectable. In other words, don't let him walk all over you, and don't shield him from the consequences of his decisions.

I would not listen to any complaints, I would simply say that's a pretty tough situation you've dug yourself into. Accept no blame and feel no guilt about his consequences, that's what I advise.

Oh my gosh!! Your last sentence is so true. I FEEL GUILTY for the choice he made. Hello I need to wake up and smell the coffee, I can't believe that just register hearing some else tell me that. I feel like I did this him. Yes I did file, but his behavior with OW was not something I will put up with twice. He knew what I would do if he continued that behavior with any one but me. Thanks so much.