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I agree with the ladies above, OWs got pregnant on purpose to cement their deal with MM and equally stupid and also to be blame were our H

OW in my story got pregnant on purpose because she thought that she and OC were enough reason for my H to leave us (the real family) for her

I've learned that OW only wants babies from men she loves. She already had 3 affairs, had a four-year old daughter from her 1st affair, the 2nd was also a MM - no child was born and the 3rd was from my H (she did not learn her lesson the 1st time she made a mistake so she repeated it again despite of the pain she had already given to a lot of people)

and OW used to text me a lot of things (that H would never came back, that i am not a good wife, that she is so happy to announce that she is preggy, that she will fight for my H etc...) Thank God H woke up from the fog, came to his senses and did came back. I would like to believe we are making small steps each day towards recovery

they are all like that. yuck! So can anyone blame us, the BS, for hating OWs? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by denise12398; 10/12/06 02:01 AM.

dday aug 05
ds was 4 and dd was 3 months old when the A happened
he went home sept 05; stayed for 3 weeks and left us again for ow after 3 weeks
he left preggy ow end of oct 05 and stayed with us since then

we are no contact and recovering
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Im a guy, and before marriage I did have sex with women....BUT! I used a condom.....I didnt take any of their words that they were on the pill or a contraceptive. If I would have (planted) seed in them without a condom, I feel I would have been as guilty as they were on not caring about getting pregnant. In sex it take an EQUAL 50/50 to do the deed. All I see is all the BS getting mad at the OW and not saying anything about their WS planting seed (unprotected) into the OW. Doesnt quite seem fair to me.

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StartinOver,

You slept with lots of women............did you sleep with married women?
You have come back several times to express the unfairness to OW from BW and the bitterness we have towards them. And not our H's?? I don't think you understand the complicated emotions in this crisis. I wouldn't expect anyone to who had not been in this situation. But do you have a point other than to inflame or insult those of us who are in the situation? We are not fair?!

There is nothing fair about this whole disaster. Nothing! Certainly not to us.

I think every single BW on the board has blamed her H for his stupidity and his lies and his betrayal. Hated him, left him, threw him out, exposed him, etc., .......many different scenarios. But after all of that, if you try to reconcile and your H is repentant and remorseful, you have to have some spirit of forgiveness about you, even if it really takes you a long time to actually get there. It is often an effort to protect your children from a broken home. Don't ever forget that COM are innocent victims, as well. They have only their mothers to care for their well-being. Daddy has left the building!

The OW is NOT (in most cases) repentant, remorseful or anything. Often feels the BW has done something to HER by staying married to the H and she is entitled to the H because she and the OC will be alone. Too bad. Women everywhere KNOW that is THEIR risk when having unprotected sex........and with a man who is unavailable to be the father. They knew it, as much as the men. Even more because it is their bodies. But it is too strong of a tool for some to pass by.

So, I will continue to blame her for her part in the adultery for as long as I feel like I want to. I have nothing positive to say about her, she is nothing to me and my family except a painful memory to me an expense for my family.....that I still resent. And I resent my H most of all for the $$. Not the OC.

The BW and COM are victims in this crime and damage has been done by both the parties, the H and OW. H is there trying to make restitution, OW is not.

It is an old game that is played by some women. And men will never really believe that anyone would role the dice with the life of a child. Don't be so naive. It happens more often than anyone would like to believe.

As you stated before, if men kept it in their pants there would be this type of situation. But you didn't keep it in your pants. Condoms are great, but not fool proof. Lies are told on both parts and both parties want to believe those lies. That is a fact about affairs. You know that.

I hope you never feel the complicated and painful emotions of having the wife your love come home pregnant with another man's baby and having to decide if you will allow him into your marriage as a coparent, divorce the wife, or raise the child as your own and stay married. Added that to the normal set of painful experiences that I am sure you already know about from affairs, or you wouldn't be on this board.


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amen LBelle!

very well said!

and to others: don't judge people unless you have walked in their shoes!

- aka R828


BS (me) - 29 WH - 27 DS - 18 mos married: 1.5 yrs affair started: april '06 discovered: june '06 separated since d-day
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LBelle,

Well, I've found that there are ones that come here to P/C who have NO idea what WE are going through when there is an OC thrown into the mix. I went back and read many of startinover's first posts on MB. While everyone is entitled to their own opinions, well, sometimes they need to know when to keep them to themselves. I know how this will be responded to, but I personally believe that Startinover has never totoally gotten over his bitterness from his xWW's A. It's like a mantra for him. He likes to toot his own horn of, "I D'd her and now am happily M'd, but let me remind you of what I went through". Case in point, his title and first post for the latest thread on GQ2. To me, a thread like that only causes negative feelings.

This corner of the MB forum is very unique, and unless you've actually been in the shoes, you can't judge. Even then, you need to be careful that if you are judging, it doesn't cross over into disrespectful ones (DJ). In MY situation, I have blamed myself, but have, over the last 6, YES 6, years have slowly, VERY SLOWLY, found ways to let go of that blame and guilt, with the last tips of the last fingers finally starting to slip away from the guilt and shame. Not everyone is like your xWW, SO. In fact, if there is even a glimmer of remorse on the WS's part, you can save your M. Am I saying that YOUR M was savable? Probably not, since you xWW is just NOW seeing the light. BUT, that doesn't mean that EVERY situation is like yours, even those that you called "serial cheaters". Look at my sig line, but I do NOT count myself a victim. Neither should you. Instead, lets call ourselves survivors, whether your M survived, or you survived the M by D and are now happily remarried, currently dating, or getting your life back together as a single person.

As for the original question of this thread, in my case, NO I did not get P on purpose, and I've copied one of my original posts on one of these threads here if you are curious about the whole details. But, I feel that with my H's 1st A, SHE would have LOVED to be P, cause in one of the letters that I found from her to my H she seemed quite disapointed NOT to be P. In fact, I've recently seen pics on a website of her, and she looks the same. This is 14 yrs past D-day for that one! She may have "bettered" herself in some ways, but in the way that counts, I can guarantee that she'd jump RIGHT back in where it left off, even though she is now remarried.

So, I don't think EVERY OW gets P on purpose, but the majority who DO get P, either planned it, or are happy it happened. Am I happy it happened, NO, am I happy with our Abbi, YES, YES, and YES a million times over. She is a joy in our lives.


Tigger
me~BS & WS~38~~h~BS & WS~37 my d-days~7/92, 1/96, 7/00, 9/07
h's d-days~7/11/00 & 2 weeks later 3 COM, 1 OC(mine)
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StartinOver,

You slept with lots of women............did you sleep with married women?
You have come back several times to express the unfairness to OW from BW and the bitterness we have towards them. And not our H's?? I don't think you understand the complicated emotions in this crisis. I wouldn't expect anyone to who had not been in this situation. But do you have a point other than to inflame or insult those of us who are in the situation? We are not fair?!

There is nothing fair about this whole disaster. Nothing! Certainly not to us.

I think every single BW on the board has blamed her H for his stupidity and his lies and his betrayal. Hated him, left him, threw him out, exposed him, etc., .......many different scenarios. But after all of that, if you try to reconcile and your H is repentant and remorseful, you have to have some spirit of forgiveness about you, even if it really takes you a long time to actually get there. It is often an effort to protect your children from a broken home. Don't ever forget that COM are innocent victims, as well. They have only their mothers to care for their well-being. Daddy has left the building!

The OW is NOT (in most cases) repentant, remorseful or anything. Often feels the BW has done something to HER by staying married to the H and she is entitled to the H because she and the OC will be alone. Too bad. Women everywhere KNOW that is THEIR risk when having unprotected sex........and with a man who is unavailable to be the father. They knew it, as much as the men. Even more because it is their bodies. But it is too strong of a tool for some to pass by.

So, I will continue to blame her for her part in the adultery for as long as I feel like I want to. I have nothing positive to say about her, she is nothing to me and my family except a painful memory to me an expense for my family.....that I still resent. And I resent my H most of all for the $$. Not the OC.

The BW and COM are victims in this crime and damage has been done by both the parties, the H and OW. H is there trying to make restitution, OW is not.

It is an old game that is played by some women. And men will never really believe that anyone would role the dice with the life of a child. Don't be so naive. It happens more often than anyone would like to believe.

As you stated before, if men kept it in their pants there would be this type of situation. But you didn't keep it in your pants. Condoms are great, but not fool proof. Lies are told on both parts and both parties want to believe those lies. That is a fact about affairs. You know that.

I hope you never feel the complicated and painful emotions of having the wife your love come home pregnant with another man's baby and having to decide if you will allow him into your marriage as a coparent, divorce the wife, or raise the child as your own and stay married. Added that to the normal set of painful experiences that I am sure you already know about from affairs, or you wouldn't be on this board.


No, I didnt sleep with married women......this was a LONG time ago. Early 20's when most young people do their thing.

Also, I have an opinion, and I can speak on it. At least I guess I can. Around here, maybe not. I read these threads and see much more hatred to the OP than the spouse.

The spouse gets someone pregnant (apparently not on purpose, just the OP though) and the spouse runs back home and then wants to be forgiven and move forward. Ehhhhh, wrong....there is a child now. So what does the BS do? Go off on OP and say they did it on purpose!!! This didnt happen by itself.....unless OP used a turkey baster or pulled the condom off and poured it into themselves......this baby making process was mutual period.

My opinion, and this is how I feel. Later.

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One more thing.......think about this. Do any of yall think maybe your BH lied to yall about the pregnancy??? Do you think in the back of your mind that you WH ran back home worrying that they may have gotten the OW pregnant??? Ive heard of men getting the OW pregnant, so they can hang on to her to some extent.....so the OW can be in their lives along with their wife.

Whatever, Im out. I will leave this one alone.

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Doesnt quite seem fair to me.

Who said anything about this being "fair"????

THERE IS NOTHING "FAIR" ABOUT ANY OF THIS.

And the question was "did anyone's OW get pregnant on purpose..." That was all.

There was no mention about the MM and his responsibility in this (or lack thereof). If there was, I would have said my fwh acted in the most heinous selfish manner possible towards BOTH the OW and me....

The fact of the matter is, she did get pg on purpose...we have her on TAPE admitting that she did. Did it matter to fwh at the time that he KNEW she did the first time on purpose but STILL hopped in the sack again? Not at the time.

Does it matter now? Not a bit. The children are here and they are well cared for and LOVED....

It doesn't change HOW and WHY they were conceived...but what MATTERS is they are here and are cherished for WHO they are...not how they came about.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

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BRAVO LBELLE and Tigger!!! Startin'over, my H told me as soon as he found out OW was pg. I know for a fact my husband never wanted more kids. He was devastated and of course for her it worked, it kept the A going far longer than it would have if he had not been so concerned about the health of the child due to what happened to our own youngest when he was a baby. We are now in recovery after a very long and painful time.

Amen, Kimmy.


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Startinover,

I get it now, you have been reading the OW websites. Or are you an OW, really? You spout THEIR mantra's with perfection. You have taken to your lessons well. The condom and the turkey basting comment is OW style too. Very classy of you.

Of course, this is your own opinion. I am just wondering WHY you have such a strong opinion about this topic? Why do you want to make your point here? A place where people can voice the things that hurt them the most, whether they are fairly said or not? You never get the whole story in the posts, you know.

My opinion of OW still stands.


By the way, not everyone in their 20's "does their thing" and is immoral. Immorality is not a good thing..........as you can see by this website. Maybe you pulled out of it when you got married, but it starts a lifestyle for many.


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Tigger,
Thanks for your great post! You always bring a great point of view and have helped so many people on both sides of the fence.

I read Startinover's GQ post. I see what you mean.


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For once and for all, WHEN HAS BLAME NOT BEEN GIVEN TO THE WH?...tell me once...a half of a time...anything.

My take on the whole stitch is that my H is to blame for the affair, and he is 50% blame for the pregnancy...but the OW will and shall get her just blame from me. Do they get pregnant on purpose...YOUR DAG ON RIGHT THEY DO! Some want money, some want a reason to hang on to the man, some may simply want a child...their reasons are really not my business or my concern...and to be real honest, I could care less why a woman would sleep with a MM, have his child and then expect that everyone can be adult enough to work this thing out, when every fiber of their being is against that.

My H apologized to me, and he has always been aware of my distaste for his actions...I have made it aware to him on dday and after. The OW wants to play victim, and then uses her child for even more sympathy...how pathetic is that? Do I blame my H...YEP...Do I blame OW...YEP. As a woman I know what I can and can't do, I show respect for MYSELF...I don't care what a man says or does, in the end, if I become pregnant, it is my body and my life that will more than likely change forever. "Mama's baby, Daddy's Maybe" and in my case, the OW probably still doesn't know who her babies Daddy is...ho.

My attitude has been and will continue to be that if a woman has a child (accidentally or on purpose) by a MM then she gets what she gets. PERIOD. In my stitch, she would have received a check each month, and wishing of well for the rest of her and the child's life. I wouldn't wish anything bad upon the child, but my H and myself made ourselves ABUNDANTLY clear...if she had this child, we would have nothing to do with it...so in my opinion, that's totally HER fault and HER problem.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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First of all Im NOT defending OW/OM or any "OTHER". I feel for the betrayed.....I WAS one. But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

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First of all Im NOT defending OW/OM or any "OTHER". I feel for the betrayed.....I WAS one. But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

There are many ways a woman can become pregnant on purpose...believe me, I'm a woman and I know. As a woman, I know what controls I have, I know when I'm fertile, I know my body. MY BODY....get it....MY BODY.....see I don't leave it to a man to decide....because its MY BODY.

Men don't get pregnant, they don't suffer with a day of morning sickness, or an ounce of labor. So it's not for him to know about what I will suffer with or deal with. How many SINGLE mothers are out in this world...let's just be real...does he really have to think about it? I need to think about it because in the end, I will be the one with all the decisions...(keep the child, abort the child, give the child up for adoption)....HE has no say in any of that...I make those decisions alone, therefore, I could care less what the man does or says, I'm going to be the one responsible in the end.

All OW don't get pregnant on purpose...noone says they do, but some do...and yes it is possible...she can slip the condom off, she can say she's on the pill, she's infertile, she can lie to him just as good as he lies to his wife. When it comes down to it, the OW and the MM are both liars to each other.

Do some MM get the OW pregnant on purpose....probably so....but lets be real....as I woman, I know that many men would love to sleep with a woman (ugly, fat, thin, skinny, bumpy or whatever)...knowing that, I was raised to have respect for myself and also raised knowing the power of my womanly ways.

My H can tell me a thousand times that he's exhausted and doesn't want to fool around that night...I know how to get him unexhausted, as many woman on this board knows...it's not hard, and I knew that prior to being married, so the OWs know it too, infact, their entire existence is built on it.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

That is the most bizarre thinking I have seen in ages!

I think you will need much more information to presume "intent", counselor!

Some men may think that way.......in sort of a prehistoric, "I am man, spread my seed" sort of way. Some may actually want to show their virility and get the woman pregnant. I would venture to say they are a rarity!

Some women do get pregnant by accident. Some birth control methods are not as reliable as others. But plenty, use it as a tool. It is very effective if you have no scruples and are not afraid to use a pregnancy to your advantage.

Can you not even envision the situation where a man thinks the sex is "protected" because of what he is told..........and that the goal is to dupe him and get pregnant? Anything?

You seem very resistant to this scenario. Okay. We will have to agree to disagree. Although if your wife had ever become pregnant by one of the OM, I guarantee your reaction would be different.


BW
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First of all Im NOT defending OW/OM or any "OTHER". I feel for the betrayed.....I WAS one. But, anyone who is going to say that the OW got pregnant on purpose.....you must also say the WS got them pregnant on purpose as well. There is NOWAY a woman can become pregnant if the man does NOT intend for her to.....NO WAY! You can slice it, dice it any way you want.

If a man chooses to enter *unprotected*......he really does not care if the woman becomes pregnant or not. Whether the OP says they are on the pill, sterile or whatever.

"Doesn't care" is NOT the same as "intention."

I get what you're tellin me....but YOU also know we are not talking about people who are thinking with their heads...YOU KNOW THIS.

You are arguing semantics where none exist.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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I also venture to say that woman are harder on woman just as men are harder men...see I know the female perspective, I know how they tick.

When a woman lays down with a man unprotected, it's not brain science. I doubt that either intended on getting pregnant, however, I do believe woman have a little more information to work with. I believe that. I know that. Men would like to believe that it is their persuasive power getting women into bed, but trust me, a woman does what she wants to do, irregardless of how good a talker a man is. She really controls the situation, you can believe differently, but I know the truth.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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My last comment I promise....LOL. Dang yall are hard on me.

Yes, maybe I was promiscuous when I was younger and my morals werent all that great. I did have sex with a fair amount of women.....guess what???? Even though there were some that did want to get preg. by me, they didnt. Why? I was careful and had protection. I knew I could get them pregnant if I went in bare....its NOT rocket science.

Im sorry, but I disagree. I just do.

*shrugs* Good luck all of you ladies......I really didnt mean to hurt anyones feelings. Even though Im not in your situation, I do understand what you are going thru.

God Bless.

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>its NOT rocket science.

It's NOT...but YOU'RE still not gettin' it.

It's not that they WANTED to get them pg...THEY DIDN'T CARE! THEY WERE BEING SELFISH IMMATURE IDIOTS.

But it didn't mean they WANTED the OW to get pg.

There. I said it. Geesh.

- Kimmy


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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My last comment I promise....LOL. Dang yall are hard on me.

That just made me laugh! Startinover, you must be good natured, even if misdirected! LOL

Good luck!


BW
DDay March 2004
OC born 8-04
NC
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