Hi

I was hoping to get some advice on tactics or compromises anyone else has managed to use to keep OW or OM away from children?

I have a meeting in 2 weeks time to discuss with XWBF, he is pushing hard for OW to be involved with DD, which I have refused but don't have a legal leg to stand on. I am hoping other MB may have some pointers for me.

It is seeming like the only avenue I have is push what is best for DD, and not what he wants.

Really appreciate any advice. Thanks

Wish I knew what to say, NZ... I'm struggling with this myself. In our settlement agreement, the best I could get was, XH will not have overnight company of the opposite sex not related by blood or marriage while he's with DD.

Should make things interesting once he starts having DD every other weekend, since he's moving in with OW in a month!

I have REPEATEDLY told XH my reasons for not wanting DD to be around OW. Mainly b/c it's not healthy to expose your child to your affair partner, but he's STILL in the fog about it. He actually said, "I know you and OW well enough to know neither one will badmouth the other around DD." Like that skank has any right to be part of my DD's life!! Grrr. Sorry... getting a little carried away.

Thanks SM

I think I am clutching at straws now, I have put up a long hard fight about OW and DD, but think my battle is about to end and really feel quite sick at the thought of OW being around DD. I guess it may end up being something else I have to suck in and live with.

I agree, it is hard to swallow that OW will be part of DD life, just doesn't seem just that OW gets to bond with DD does it, esp after all that they have done.

I plan to be in the UK for maximum another 6 months, so really would like XWBF to consider that it isn't necessary until he is in a committed relationship. I don't think he will buy this, as it is all about what he wants.

NZ,

I truly don’t think you can keep OW away from the child forever and honestly – I don’t think it’s to the DD advantage either. If your XBF sees his future with OW and you want DD to have contact with XBF then eventually there will be contact. I think it’s obvious at the moment that XBF is not coming back to you.

Can you go on the offensive? You are a NZ located in London with no family around you. If I recall you have been doing contract work for Microsoft and now the contract is over. You have always made it clear you planned to leave for NZ in the near future. If you have no future plans in London I would suggest the following. Please talk to your attorney about it though!

Ask the court for financial support from XBF based on the fact that his claim and the court keeping you in London are causing you financial stress. You are out of contract (no income) and planned on going home. XBF is reneging out of a previous agreement he (obviously) had no intention of honoring and that is preventing you from leaving a very expensive city, costing increased legal fees and so on. At the least demand that XBF makes a deposit or shows the court how he can compensate for costs if the eventual decision of the court is in your favor.

The above strategy should be recognized by your attorney. It’s common practice to push out weak cases. As soon as XBF attorney sees that his client might be charged $$$ for a case that he most likely will loose he will recommend you two settle out of court.

As an alternative use the financial hardship to press the court dates. Throw a spanner into their Mexico trip. See how firm XBF stands after that.

I strongly suggest you then move to NZ. Let’s see XBF and OW visit there!