My WH had an A that produced a child.

That child is just over one year old. Were are supposed to be NC.

OW is married.

I have found where MOW is calling to "appraise" my H of the fact that the child had an eye infection and such.

We were to carry the child on our insurance instead of CS as per her H's request.

The child has had many doctor's visits..I was not aware of her calling previously.

I have seen her about town more as well (MOW)..

Can someone please tell me how to react? I did the strong... I did the weak.

H asked me to move on saying that he finds ME to be such an "unhappy" person that I go looking for him to be "Bad."

I never look at his phone, mail, email or ask him where he's been. Up until a week ago, things were going nicely.

Please... any advice would be helpful. I am highly suspicious that he did go and spend the day with her yesterday.


Eibrab

{{E}} He managed to put it back on you, didn't he? Can you do a bit more snooping? A recorder or GPS to see what he is really up to ? Have you spoken to OWH? I am sorry, hon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

FF..

posted over in the P forum...

recorder?

Thanks,

E

E, check the other place

I am a HUGE advocate of NC... but I don't understand how it works when there is a child involved. Is it recommended here that the bio father (your FWH) have NC with the child also???

mdec, the MOW and her H are raising the child as their own. THEY chose NC. Just to explain E's sit. The agreement was that E's H provide health insurance for the child instead of CS.

did E's husband wish to have a relationship with this child?

I don't know but that was the wishes of the OMW and frankly medec when you are a BH who is trying to heal from your WW have a child with the OM it seems to be the best thing for all.

I agree from the perspective of the BH... that makes sense.. but I know that I could NEVER not be a parent to my child. I understand that is a personal decsion though left up the what each family considers the best interests of the child. You know I was a BS... I am so harsh on the NC thing when FWS break it... but this is his child and if he is getting updates on the childs welfare I think it is necessary. Perhaps the best way for this to be handled is for the families to work out a solution so that the A partners are not the ones communicating with one another. I think a fathers desire to care for and have information on his child is important.
Thinking out loud here... maybe the best thing in all A pregnancies would be for the child to be adopted to a loving home. I am thankful I never had to deal with this complicated and painful circumstance. I feel for everyone involved here.

Thinking out loud here... maybe the best thing in all A pregnancies would be for the child to be adopted to a loving home. I am thankful I never had to deal with this complicated and painful circumstance. I feel for everyone involved here. [/quote]


Ditto

To clarify...

MOW and her H set the NC rules. That was MOWH's demand for remaining married to her.

My H respected MOWH's wishes..a little too late, we should add.

Now, MOW calls for updates?

WHY?

If there is C..there had better be C above the board all the way around.

Now, we can all be sure that she doesn't want me around her child..I am the enemy. So I am sure C is not going to happen.

What do I do about her updates and seeming justification for them as per a post here..(not flaming that post..just pointing out the different views..)


Thanks for the comments..I truly appreciate them


Eibrab

Well..the most obvious answer is that any info that needs to be transferred..and I'm not sure what your sitch is with regard to your H having any sort of functional role in this childs life..but any info can be passed from her H to YOU.

There is no..and I mean absolutely *no* reason why the former affair partners need to have direct interactions.

That isn't really why you are posting though is it?

You suspect they are having a continued relationship to some degree because of the child and the inseverable connection connection that child makes between the two of them while s/he is available to act as a bridge.

I think it is wise to fear this..and that it wouldn't be at all suprising if they did rekindle their affair again or even several times more in the future.

If you believe the MB assertion that affairees are addicted to each other FOR LIFE and that they can not have contact at all FOR LIFE just as is the case in every other form of addiction if they wish to really and truly sustain the end of the affair..and you also consider that this child manifested as a direct result of their affair..contact with the child is contact because it keeps them present in each others lives...then OW is ever present and no cure only flimsy obstacles such as having her H and yourself do the leg work.

It's a crap situation and I'm very sorry that you are in the middle of it.