CinnamonSugar - how about posting over here rather than polluting and threadjacking someone else's thread?

^

bump

Here is one of many things that CinnamonSugar wrote regarding my story:


Well, CS, it seems your only real question so far centers around STD testing, and STD testing, and STD testing. Which has been answered, and answered, and answered.

And answered again: I have been tested. If I develop HIV down the road, nothing you say, nothing I say, NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT I DO NOW will make the least amount of difference to what happens then.

You have been asked many questions, and have answered almost none of them. Would you like me to make a list for your convenience?

I also keep wondering "Why the harping on STD testing?" Of COURSE, getting tested is important, and you've done that! Anyway, by the time you found out about the affair, I assume that it was too late, anyway, right? So, you're right, if you've already been exposed, you're gonna eventually know it anyway. So, since you've already been exposed to HIV or something else, and can't do anything to prevent its popping up in the future, you may as well enjoy making sweet love to your loving husband. The only concern I have is that you may break your bathroom sink and incur plumbing repair bills. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hey! Maybe that's IT!! For some reason, Ms. Cinnamon Sugar seems to think you should stop having wild and crazy sex with your H! But, WHY would SHE care? :confused It's not like she could possibly know you or your H!

Oh, wait! Cinnamon Sugar, I'm so sorry...I just now thought of the possibility that you might have actually dealt with such a thing! Can you tell us your story, hon? Curiosity is fine, but there MUST be some reason that draws you here.

Neak's pain was certainly not any less than anybody else's; it's just that her H didn't quite go to the lengths that SOME WH have gone. And, because of her H's love for her, the end of the affair came fairly quickly, compared to some of the other affairs described on this forum. So,why is Neak's story more sordid than others?

OMG. IMVHO, It is so clear that poor CS is a bitter person with poor listening skills and a truck load of jealousy for what is so obviously lacking in itself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I just feel pity for them. Anyone with such bitterness, refusal to share their own life and continuously focusses on issues to deflect from their own problem is not ready to get help. imho, poor CS would benefit greatly from intensive counselling and even more intensive anger management so that they can learn to deal with their own issues.

And of course, most BS recognize the anger as coming from a WS. Up to their eyeballs in self-entitlement and lack of remorse.

Pity them. THey are not ready for real work on themselves.

Hey Lady C, you would be so proud of me!

I cleaned off my sink this morning - it was getting a little cluttered with tubes of toothpaste, band-aids, books, Q-tips, and a few stray spray bottles of cleaner.

Now it's all shiny and bright - nothing on it but a plant, a tray of potpourri, and a kerosene lantern.

What to clean next - the tub, or the shower? Think, think, think.

Incur plumbing bills, rofl!

Um, no significance to the particular assortment of plant, potpourri, and lantern; they just look purty.

CS,
You say you're in the military and so is your H. Just curious, what's your story?

snicker....Neak, you said, "band-AIDS".

R U baiting someone???? lol

Mr. W

*of course, not that AIDS is funny

I am so good I can do that unconsciously! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wonderful, Neak!!!

I'm proud of you for cleaning off your bathroom sink! You won't have to worry about things getting knocked off! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The kerosene lantern probably puts out a real romantic glow, doesn't it? And, the potpourri...hope it's seductive fragrance! Just the right touch!<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for the next thing to clean? Hmmmm! The shower, I think! Tubs are a lil' awkward to umm...clean. It would be a whole lot easier if they were big enough for two! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Then you will be glad to hear that is exactly what I did! I got years of accumulated soap removed. Aw, how romantic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

bump

Oh, Lady C, I should probably add that our tub is big enough for 2. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Bump!

Ok, any of you with a burning question for CinnamonSugar, you have come to the right place!

I'll start.

CinnamonSugar, why do you persistently take issue with many MB concepts, without doing the necessary research, i.e. reading numerous case studies to see whether said principles actually work?

Why do you not start your own thread, asking for information/anecdotes/statstics that we would be able to share with you, explaining why we have come to believe the things that we do?

Why do you continue to try and discuss - at length - subjects with which you have little or no professional or RL experience?

Here's my story:

I was in the Navy for 5 years active, 1 year reserves.

My husband is USMC active duty. He is @ 20 years, but he accepted a promotion and will do 2 more.

We have been married for 6 years, and we have a 5 year old son.

I visited this site before the forums were here. One day when I revisited the site, I noticed the forums, and began browsing...

I saw that someone miltary had started a thread and I read his thread closely.


I noticed that many of the responses were unbalanced and one-sided. Many people were relating their pain to his situation-which I think is natural, and- while I understand and appreciate empathy and support-a few of these folks were seriously missing a few key things. My thinking is that because the thread opened up with a focus on the wife's affair (well-it was posted in the infidelity area after all), and because the respondents themselves had been hurt by a cheating spouse, they were unwilling or unable to think about the larger picture.

Unfortunately, this person was basically high fived and massaged into thinking a certain way, and as a consequence he never suspected that his wife was simply making nice wih him while plotting her escape. As someone who has not been hurt by infidelity, I attempted to introduce a different perspective into the discussion and a bit of mayhem ensued...

One surprising occurance was this: The originator of the thread posted to me an admission that he had abused his wife (he said it quite plainly), yet a few respondents read his words and afterwards told me plainly that he had not abused his wife. Apparently they believed the rest of his story but not this part. Earlier in the thread the originator said repeatedly that he was controlling and one respondent said his wife should see what "real" controlling behavior is like. No one found any of this to be odd (or if they did, they remained silent.)

Another surprising thing that I observed was this: At first, the originator of the thread was firmly set upon saving his marriage and convincing his wife to give things another try. This was the meat of the discussion at one point... Once he discovered his wife filed legal paperwork, he was able to detach with an amazing quickness. This, I thought was very odd. Did he actually love his wife and wish to make a change / make ammends or was he simply afraid of losing "the marriage"?

No matter what twists, turns, and oddities the thread took-no one called it. They were focused upon the eeeevil wife and her affair (yes-infidelity is wrong), as well as the fact that the thread's originator began to call upon the name of the Lord.

I am firmly convinced that if the wife rather than the husband were the person who stumbled into the forum and posted the tale from her perspective people would have high fived her and condemned her abusive husband.

This is difficult: As someone in a relatively new marriage I am a little frightened by this behavior because I am wondering how it translates to people's general behavior in real life. While what happens between two married people is up to them, environment is important. A marital relationship & family can be affected by how supportive and truthful (or not) the people around you are. "It takes a villaige" comes to mind...

I am sure I'll get a ration of $hit for stating my opinion. Stand by & watch if you're bored.

Were you or your husband married before?

I'm not trying to be sneaky here...I'll just state it. Your point of view and sympathy for the WW give me the impression YOU are or were a WW or OW at one time. From the numbers above 6 years service versus 20 years service for you husband my best guess is he was married, you are his much younger affair partner (whether you were married or not no difference).

Just a guess.
Be honest.
It's all anonymous here anyway.

Mr. Wondering

I don't take issue with MB concepts-especially not "persistently".

Like everyone here, I comment from the perspective of my understanding of the concepts.

One thing I understand is that sometimes the concepts do not work.

Another thing I understand is that emotion-especially pain-can affect a person's understanding of the concepts. My opinion is that the best time to learn about the concepts is prior to the situation to which any given concept applies. This way the effects of emotion can be minimized. For example, I would advocate a couple taking a marriagebuilders seminar prior to marriage...



Are you suggesting that you all have the same beliefs? I ask because this is how your words appear to me.

I have a comment: I seriously doubt you (or the others) are interested in "sharing" with me. I think that your interest is to bash me for going against the grain. If what I have been saying was complete rubbish, people would have read my posts, laughed at what an idiot I was, and moved on. That is how most people react to nonsensical lies. The reactions to my posts were actually quite the opposite & quite interesting. One thing was certain-I struck a nerve-and nerves can only be struck by the truth.

To answer your question: I am not interested in what you have to "share" about why you have come to believe what you believe: You do not have to justify your beliefs. None of us do. Our beliefs are as individual as our fingerprints. They are based upon our culture, education, life experience, percieved social position, and temperment, and a host of other things too numerous to list.

Furthermore- in a discussion (especially one like this), we should expect that some people will not see things exactly as we do, and we should not be threatened or become angry about it. You can spend 99% of your life angry with people who do not share your views.



I am guessing that none of you have "professional" experience with the topics here either. (Correct me if I am wrong.) Yet, there is no shortage of lengthy (and girthy) postings on a variety of subjects.

I hope I have answered all of your questions.