This upcoming weekend, WS the kids and I are headed to the inlaws who do not know anything. They live 3 hours away. I had an idea about an "intervention." It would go like this:

Notify Inlaws including brother in law and his wife prior to or during trip. When WS is distracted, load car with kids and leave her there with no way home.

Is this a good idea to break up A? Or would this go horribly wrong?

How long have you known she was a WS???? What have you done to expose the A????

We have no way of knowing the answer to this, there are too many variables.

You may be better off exposing and letting exposure take it's course.

Usually force doesn't work well though - It's considered an LB.

SS

WS Affair is 7 weeks old. I have known the entire time.

I have only told my therapist. Have told her she can not live here while she cheats on me.

LB? You are probably right.

so, what are you waiting for? Expose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW.... NOW.... to everyone.

Hi Thorsein,
Expose to anyone who will support you in your efforts to save the marriage. Explain that you NEED their help - people are more inclined to help when you ASK specifically for their help. (like the title to your thread)

Is her OP married? Exposing to OP's W or parents is most effective.

Have you read SAA, are you in Plan A? Random acts may not be as effective... time to get crispy! Stellar Plan A, eliminate LB's, and EXPOSE... and hang tuff! Please take care - Dru

Plan A is in effect. (Appreciation, working out, respect, LISTENING, admiration.) She said that it is like she is living with an alien as opposed to my former self. I think I will call her mother and talk. My fear is that my family and her sister in law will hate her for it. Any advice on that front?

OM not married. He is a predator, preying on the vulnerable. He has been with another married woman before. He was always asking about our marriage with her coworkers.

thro:
i would tell her parents and like rest of MB has said tell everyone god knows i did however i wouldnt just leave her there also make shure yuo have plenty of evidence cause most of time the parents will side w/ there kids.

also choose your time wisly if you are close w/ her sibling or a particular parent tell them 1st and get there opion after all you are 3 hours away from home. not to mention just leaving her there w/ out the kids doesnt sound very healthy 4 you or the kids they gonna miss her. not to mention dont use the kids as pawns. good luck w/ what ever you do just remember you have kids who love giving huges, mine and there huges helped me alot..

Thanks. It was tough. My daughter is 4 and she is picking things up. WS picked "him" up in the car after he "locked" his keys in it.

Daughter cried today wanting mommy and wondering where she is. I am sure she is with him right now but can't be sure. I installed a keylogger so I can check the emails. Grrr. Tough.

Her mom first then everyone else.

Thanks!!!!!

huh in my cause i told her parents w/ in mins. of me finding out and same w/ her she said i had changed which i had but we all change rather we like it or not. i've managed to fix the things that where bothering her and shes back now but in back of my head im wondering if its still going on.

i installed a keylogger thats how i found out about the A it worked for however i do suggest to be ready for what ever you learn from it its a double edge sword however at least you find out the truth no matter what it may be.

also i stated to do 4 myself as well like getting back into shape and stuff like that i also belive that it helped her come back. what ever you do, i found this out the hard way DO NOT smother here, give her space and go on w/ the day even though youe hurting bad. BETTER YOURSELF it works.

think of a little kid who has this toy hes been playing w/ for a while its his favor it toy in the world but from playing w/ it 4 so much it begins to lose its luster so one day he gets a new toy, wow what a great new toy he forgets about the old toy but kicks it around every now and then.

but then the new toy begins to lose its juice, it needs batteries so now what oh look here there is my ol reliable
wind up toy that always works no matter how old it is and look it didn't lose its luster it was just dusty. all the kid really had to do was clean it off.......now its the kids favor it toy again whom the kis can not live w/ out....

merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....

Appeal to her parents with the info that this jerk IS a preditor. Have any proof you can give.

Frame it like your W needs help from them. Again, you're looking for people who can influence your W AND who support your marriage/marriage in general. If they do not qualify (like they are messed up themselves or have their own A') do not expose to them. Good luck! - Dru

Phoned her mother. We had a long talk and she is aware. Major concern right now is that she would be angry at me and run to OM. My mom knows our marriage is having trouble (not about affair.) My brother knows about everything.

Mom in law understood everything and suggested that she go into therapy. I agree. She has been depressed, that is why this A is giving her endorfins so she feels better.

GOD THIS SUCKS!!!!!

Mom said she won't tell daughter (she knows her daughter best). We agreed that we will encourage her to seek counseling. Counsel will help solve depression. I am going to ask WS to my Psych on Wednesday. She is afraid that she will be made out to be the bad guy. I promised her that won't happen. I want her to see the positives of therapy. Rough road ahead.

But you WANT her mother to put pressure on her to end her A and go back to her family. The point is getting her to influence WW, not to have someone for you to confide in. That's not exposure, that's just support. And you need that, too, but you need Exposure... your W needs to be embarassed, the A needs to see the light of day. A's arent nearly as glamorous when your mom knows.

"Councelors" come in different flavors, she needs a PRO-marriage councelor (or pro-Christian, if that applies), not one who will encourage her to 'do her own thing'. There's a lot of them out there.

Please take care - Dru

Man - WAKE UP and WAKE UP NOW

An essential ingredient of Plan A is EXPOSURE of the AFFAIR

To EVERYONE who can influence her

This meand FAMILY, friends, neighbours, work mates.

WHYEVER are you waiting?????

She will be mad about it of course but EXPOSURE will kill her little fantasy. What do you have to lose? She may even run to OM in the short term but he's already screwing her right? Kill this affair now or go on for years like you are now.

I bet she'd like to see her husband show some balls.

oh yes - if you want an honest opinion, if you do nothing you're marriage is doomed. your choice. how's that for honesty?

Thank you. Calling mom as we speak.

Her mom talked to her last week and WS started crying. Mom asked her what was wrong. Then WS quickly changed the subject. This was before exposure.

Update:

WS is "sick of talking" yet said that she hates hurting people. She wants to come with me to my therapist and suggested that before we see a therapist together, we should talk separately.

I'm thinking she still sees hope in our marriage. Even though she is in irrational fog, I told her about our love and she was open to the idea that she could love me again but wasn't sure if she could "ever" be intimate again. I said "ever" is a long time.

Wonder what her mother and father are going to say. Mom in law was crying on phone.

Exposure went better than expected, though not quite there yet. We went to camp with the inlaws. Left Friday and returned today. She only called him once from up there. My sister in law was the most supportive of BOTH OF US. Parents addressed situation.

I screwed up and talked about emotions and got whiny, etc. However, I explained that I was having a "spiral down" which is something that happens when I get depressed.

Sis in law listend to WS. WS knows affair will not last.

Sis in law's advice to me: Demand respect for me. Don't be a doormat. Tell WS to talk to me civilly. (WS confided in her that she liked that I was angry - MAYBE a way to fight for the marriage?")

I did as soon as we came home expecting a fight. She said I was right. She asked if it would bother me if she went for a ride. She also said she may talk to him or see him. Won't know the result until later but it didn't sound like it would take long.

Is this a good sign? Should I be hopeful for the future?

Who else have you exposed to?