WH told me last after he paid for his retainer fee, that I was the one who wanted the D. He is right to a point. I need a shoulder to lean on. WH left me no choice after he spent the day with her (work related). When he came back there was to be no contact, at meetings, at buildings, and ect. I was not thrilled that they worked together, but at least they were in different buildings, but when they had their lastest job related meeting that had every one in that department travel to another town, WH chose to drive over with her then hang out all together. So PLEASE tell me I did the right thing? He broke his promise to me about contact with her. RIGHT? I'm starting to become a jelly fish, I'm losing my backbone. I'm tired of worring about contact with her. A deal is a deal, RIGHT? If I don't set boundaries, he will continue to walk all over me. RIGHT? Please I need advice, someone to talk me through this nightmare.

I don't think anyone can fault you for intolerance. Don't beat yourself up. Set boundries that you are comfortable with and stick to them. Understand the consequences of those boundries being trampled and how they might affect you and your marriage. Sometimes the consequence is divorce.

Hi,

Most WS break the NC thing many times before it finally sticks. I can't tell you what is right for you, just that many WS struggle with this at first.

If it is your hill to die on then so be it. You certainly have the right to decide what you will and what you won't live with.

Don't take the blame.

Tell that you preferred to have a husband that you didn't have to share, but that HE chose to continue seeing OW, even if it is platonic work contact.

Remind him that HE chose his actions, and you are unwilling to share him with another.

But again, do not accept any blame.

He pushes your blame button, from what I can tell. Refuse to accept the blame, and babble it back to him.

Everytime he tries to blame you, refuse the blame, and tell him you are not willing to share, and have not seen the actions that are convincing that you can trust him.

Repeat that in your mind until it is second nature.

Thank you all.. I don't know what I would do with out you guys and this board.