hello all

Let me describe my situation briefly to you.
We got married in Germany 03. I am german - he is US Citizen. We dont have kids. As of now we are separated for about 10 months.

He left sudden and without really explaining and went back to his parents to Virginia.
Any effort to work on our marriage failed.
Mainly because of his lack to be committed, his lack of being sincere about working on the marriage and his attitutude to rather ran away from problems than facing them.
He ended his effort with: "I dont want this marriage no more - I will put my foot down and it will be over" - yeah right.

I have done everything I could, since I didnt want this separation/divorce. Yet after realizing this is a dead end, I have accepted his decision and wont fight for that marriage no more.
But I really got an issue with how he is handling the situation - cuz he doesnt handle and doesnt care about it at all. He leaves me but then he doesnt care about the divorce. And his parents let him get away with that - which I am really disappointed about.

Yes I take the blame on being stupid enough to marry him and believe his shallow words and give him another chance after he initially left me, but geez - I get so mad at him (and his family), when I think of him being so careless bout everything. I want him to learn a lesson - I want him to pay and be responsible for his actions.
Am I wrong for thinking that way?

Ok enough whining.
Since I dont want to and surely dont deserve to be in that in between state forever - I gotta think about my options and what ifs. And the ideas I got from doing research.

There is nothing like legal separation in VA - neither is there one in Germany. Correct me if I am wrong.

So Option 1 (very unlikely, but the route that I want him to go):
Is it possible for him to file for Uncontested Divorce (after 12 months of separation)in VA with an agreement without alimony for each other without property as we have never owned one and with agreein on him paying for everything?
if it is possible - can anyone tell me if the decree will also be accepted in Germany?

Option 2.
I file for divorce over here (do what is absolutely against my believe, but well it needs to be done).
- Get over the fact that it'll cost me half a fortune to do something I never wanted.
- Play the waiting game until he pays his half of the costs too - which can be quite a while.

Some of you may see - I put myself into quite a trap here, and just cannot seem to find an easy way out.
MMh - I dont even know if my options are realistic in anyway.
this may sound like a stupid and naive post - probably I just need someone who sets my head straight. Even from reading my own post I get the impression I am to naive and dont know anything about anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I just dont know what to do and how to go about it.

You could call a family attorney in America and ask about no contest divorces in Virginia. Tell him to do the decent thing and just show up and sign the papers. It is very cheap and took me all of 45 minutes. It broke my heart to see how quickly we dissolved our marriage, but that's the sad part of no contest divorces.

Be grateful you don't have children and count your blessings.

See if Germany has rules about absent spouses and how that affects divorce. Don't expect him to pay for it. It would be nice, but I wouldn't expect it. File for the divorce and follow the laws of your land.

I know how hard it is for you to go against your beliefs on divorce. It was the same way for me. In America, people switch spouses like they do boyfriends and girlfriends. If it gets a little tough, they just get out. It is really scary how common it is here.

Good luck.

thanks for your reply, papaof3.
after H left me last year I went to a lawyer - and she couldnt believe that he left the way he did.
The thing is if I file here, he will have to pay his part anyway. And abscence doesnt affect the divorce in anyway if I remember correctly.

Yes at this point I am really grateful that there are no children involved - his parents got divorced while he was little - I know what damage it can do to kids.



YES it is really scary and sad to see - I really wonder what happened to the values like "til death part us" or "through good and bad times".