To All the Wonderful MB folks...who I feel are much much more capable and better and saintly than me right now...big time!,

I'm having angry, angry thoughts. My WS is frying me. I know, I know. He can't fry me if I don't let him... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />! I got to let it all out.

This is a GET IT OUT SESSION...be warned...

HE TOLD THE KIDS THAT HE WOULD BE "MOVING OUT FOR A WHILE AND THAT THINGS WOULD STILL BE THE SAME FOR THEM..they could still play catch." This is what the kids told me he said...I still won't let him tell me what he said...I can't talk to him right now...grrrr....I'm just to angry, I would LB ALL OVER HIM!!!!

We AGREED (Like we agreed to honor, cherish, and love eachother forsaking all others forever...cough, ack.) TO COME UP WITH A PLAN AND IDEA OF HOW WE...WE...operative word...WE...WE...would tell the kids TOGETHER!!!! Then he goes and tells them w/out my knowing and I walk into the kitchen to their faces of questions and wonderment looking for reassurance from me...and my first reaction when my WS said I told them....was to put my hands in the air and slap my hips and say "you agreed we would talk first and tell them together."

Then he said would you like to go in the other room and talk. !@#$%^&*()!@#$%^&*()!@#$%^& NO!!!!!!!!! Ok...I just said "No, I'm much to angry to talk to you." I turned around and went down the house stairs, down the driveway, down the sidewalk.

A friend saw me..pulled over and hugged me and told me I'd be alright. I told her I had to go back and talk to the kids...even though I was so blasted angry with my WS I HAD TO let them KNOW...everything was going to be ok...for them...they will have all the love and support and care they always had....and please ask me anything, anytime. It just made me angry, again to have to stuff my frustration with WS to love my kids...way better than him...again!!!!!!!

I CAN'T STAND HIM RIGHT NOW...I WANT HIM OUT!!!...I WANT HIM TO LEAVE...HE IS A CHEATER A LIAR AND HE DOESN'T give one flying @#$%^& about the way I feel. I can't stand him.

Oh, by the way OW moves in this week on to my block...I'm not going to give in and go insane...but these guys sure know how to be my enemies in this valley of death. I'll love my children strong...strong...the b!@#$%s. WS and OW are absolutely disgusting.

He thinks he is going to fool them. Why should I just let him float away.....when he just doesn't stop, doesn't stop hurting me. HE IS SO THOUGHTLESS. I THINK I ALMOST HATE HIM NOW. PLEASE LEAVE...I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.

There now...I feel better. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's ears from all the screaming...ha, ha.

Crying and Angry
Strongest

Protect yourself. Get legal separation and custody of your kids. If you file in court for separation you can have a holding order established which keeps the custody of the kids with you.

I made this mistake with my ex. I didn't do this and I should have thrown her butt out when I found out of the infidelity. Now I find myself trying to figure out how to get custody of my children.

First, don't bad mouth your ex in front of your kids. It is easy to do, but they still love him. Calmly tell them, if they're old enough to understand, that he has been unfaithful. Don't lie to them or try to cover it up. Kids will blame themselves for your breakup and you need to protect them from your marital troubles. Read up on the internet on the effect divorce or marriage problems have on kids. They handle it the worst.

Wow..it sounds complicated with him and the OW moving right on your block.

Again he's not discussing anything with you and how all these "things he does" will effect you seems to make it all the worse for you.

Protecting the kids from the troubles, and as you said, their your number one priority..sounds great.
I agree of pappaof3....just because the adults are divorcing at a sickening level everywhere, the kids get the worst of it, which is my understanding too.

all you can do is try to minimize the problems and effect, but damage being done to the kids lives is the cold reality it appears per articles.

Mine told me to leave so she could have "space and time to think" So I left. Then come to find out she had some guy over the weekend I left and then I find out on my birthday through spybuddy that she had had sex with him a few times in fact on my birthday right after she dropped the kids off at my house. In my opinion, let the cheater leave and let him go it will bite him or her in the [censored] in a little while and Ive come to terms with her cheating and lying and sneaking around. In fact he is the reason why we didnt go to therapy together adn get help because he told her not to do it.

Im so much happier now that I have left. yes I miss the kids so much but not having to wake up to hear her smile her way down the stairs on the weekend or complain that she doesnt want to make breakfast for me and the kids on the weekend or the smell coming from her mouth ( because she only brushes her teeth maybe once every few days) or the fact that her ***** stank so bad because no one ever taught her how to properly wash it.

All I can hope for is that she will screw up so bad and become pregnant again and I will sit back and laugh at her.

Unfortunately my kids are the ones who suffer becasue she neglects them now that she has the new toy to play with but Im still talking to my lawyer about everything and he says that in the end it may look like I will have custody because of all the **** she has pulled and is still pulling.

Keep your head up. Its officially been a month for me and I am the happiest I have been in 12 long years and I look forward for tomorrow now not regretting waking up to her.

Papaof3
Thank you for your support. We're working through mediation right now...I've heard that all the way around for him and me that this will be a more humane and a win-win situation then court...hopefully we can work something out. Conversations can be tricky and contentious.

SRS1
Thank you for you response. My WS doesn't seem to talk about damage to kids or the responsibility there...he shows now signs of remorse or sorrow. Just plain happy to be moving out and having a life with OW. Like she is the answer. Well in a way God Bless Him if that is so...just leave me alone already...he is prolonging moving out in my opinion.

Noahsdove
Sorry to hear about your situation but you sound happy about it now. Thank you for telling me to keep my head up. I know soon enough he won't be around...I'll have mixed feelings of sadness and pure relief! Sometimes I think he is hanging around just to drive me nuts...or criticize me constantly so that he can leave thinking "he tried his best" to change me. He really has quite the perfect image of himself.

Strongest

Listen, this is what I told my boss when it all began. I told him everything that we did that caused it and he said to take a few days and get myself in order. her boss she didnt tell and she got fired, but luckily her boyfriend put her to work for him.

Like I said before, keep your head up. You may not take steps forward but you will take steps to the side and in other ways and you will rediscover yourself in ways you could not imagine. I used to love to run and bike and rollerblade before we were married and after I didnt have time because of the kids, her and work. Now, I rollerblade bike walk or run every day after work then treat myself to a nice iced coffee afterwards and then walk home. Sometimes I sneak in a cigarette but thats another story altogether.
I know its tough now, really I do. I loved her so much and would have gone to the ends of the earth to change myself and make myself better for our relationship but she already had set forth in motion things that were going to replace me such as telling me that she doesnt love me in that way anymore and hasnt for over a year os so. That broke my heart and I though I was going to die. Then I found out through spybuddy that she was secretly planning things the exact weekend that she told me to leave because she needed "space to think" Well her space was having a guy over and I intercepted the emails they sent back and forth and even the IM's as well.
yes it may sound like invasion of privacy but when your marriage is on the line you will do anything to save it. I printed out everything they said and brought it to my lawyer. Then I found out on my birthday that she had sex with him. I thought I was going to die again. I had just started to get over the pain in my chest and the sleeplessness and not eating and vomiting. But you know what? It was the best thing for me. I was able to see her for what she was all along. She was a liar and a cheat and I called her out on it when I read the email which described in graphic detail everything she had done with him. She sat there for an hour lying to me saying that they were "just friends" I told her look, tell me yes or no, did you have sex with him and you will never hear from me ever again. She still woudltn answer so I pulled up spy buddy and printed out what she said and handed it to her and I read it to her aloud. I said, for the last time tell me the truth. She finally said yes, I left the housekey and left and havent looked back and you know what? I discovered that I am a damn good father and an extrodinary human being and I am more then capable of dealing with the issues of my marriage and my cheating exwife.

Like I said, and this is long too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Keep your head up and start to do things for yourself that you used to love to do before you got married. Set aside some time for yourself every day and make you a better person for yourself. In no time you will find that you dont start to think about your ex anymore but start to think, what should I do for dinner tonight? Arugula or pesto?

Noah's Dove-

Thank you for your additional words of advice and comfort. I prefer pesto. I make a good homemade receipe with just a dash of cayenne...my kids love it.

I've been thinking my sadest moments are really when I'm mourning the loss of an "idea" of what I thought marraige should be...instead of what I really had. Reality vs. the ideal. Sounds kinda corny I know. Sometimes I laugh at myself and I think...Walt Disney set me up!! Prince Charming...love...white horse...castle...enough $...wedded bliss...happily ever after. I'm getting over it though and becoming much more realistic...and seeing my BS or soon to be x as for who he IS rather than who he isn't..ya know?

I've got to let go of the anger...it only hurts me...and I have to stop this "friend" of mine from telling me about my BS and the OW activties...she has a unique access to info...and though at first it is intriguing...later I find I think of it a lot and it just hurts me.

It will be difficult living with them in the same village at first I think...I'll need to make them into objects and gaurd myself from reliving the past so as to protect myself from further damage...I've got to move on and heal...it would help if he would leave!!!

I walk briskly for an hour early every morning now...it's good.

Strongest