Hello all,

I'm just wandering if anyone here has had a successfully restored marriage after a previous false recovery. It seems to me that there would be less hope after a false recovery. Can anyone give me hope here?

Sure it has happened. A false recovery does not mean there can't be a successful one. Mimi is one that comes to mind. The key is to take exceptional precautions to ensure the affair is really over.

Have you been in Plan A? Have you exposed his affair?

Thanks for your response Melody!

The affair is completely exposed. My WH swears the A is over but he does not try to prove this to me. I don't believe him at all.

I have been in plan A for 3 months while seperated. You can do it while seperated right?

Do you have evidence it is ongoing? To whom was the affair exposed and who did the exposing?

Who is this OW and is she married? Do they work together?

I don't have evidence but I can just tell by the way he acts. The A was exposed to both families and friends my me and my WH.

The OW was his coworker. WH does not work there anymore. OW is not married.

My H tells me he love me and wants us back together again someday. You see he needs to get help with his drug and gambling addiction first. He knows he can't come home until that happens and understands this. He swears he is not with OW anymore but wouldn't he want to prove that to me if he wasn't?

How many false recovery stories do you want? Work on recovery from the trust factor vs the 'love' factor.

L.

It's darn difficult to prove a negative


but keep your eyes & ears open

YES you can Plan A while separated (to answer your earlier Q )

what might kill your recovery faster than a false start is building resentments.... have this discussion with your H

"How can we behave in ways that stop our resentments from growing?"

try that one on

Pep

Thanks for your responses. I am doing a plan A sometimes I think too good. Not tooting my own horn but a friend told me that I talk to my WH like I am numb to what he did. In other words I am too loving and too nice to him. Believe me, I am not numb to it. I feel the effects every day as you all know too well.

I do think my WH is taking to plan A very well. He calls me everyday, tells me he loves me and talks about our future together often.

I think one of the big problems here are his addictions. He says he needs help but isn't ready to get it right now. He is scared. Although lately he has been talking more and more about getting help and straightening himself out.

It's so hard to get evidence of the continued A when we are seperated. Like I said though, I can just tell by the way he acts. There was a false recovery for 2 months and even though I had no evidence at first, I could just sense that things were not right. Finally I found a cell phone that OW gave my WH.

I just feel that if he was really not seeing her anymore that he would try to really convince me of this and he is not. He just tells me I haven't seen her in such and such time, etc. etc. I even asked him if he explained to her that it is over and he said no he just told her he won't be going there anymore and then neither one of them called eachother. I just see that as a yeah right! I don't say that to him. I calmy tell him that I find it very hard to believe that to be true unless I have proof. This because he has told me before it was over a few times and it wasn't. See why I don't believe him?

So now just because I haven't actually caught him in a while doesn't mean to me that he isn't seeing her anymore. Like I said, there is only so much I can catch him in when he is not living here. KWIM?

Sometimes I am just afraid to trust or believe him anyway. He definitely has not proven himself trustworthy by a long shot yet.

Just wondering what you all think. Do you think I should tell him I believe him? Is telling him I don't believe him without proof a major LB?

Tell him his words may you wonder and now you don't feel safe. Let him go figure out what that means.

L.

Thank you Orchid! Any other advice for me? I can use all the help I can get. TIA!

*bump*

Please, need to hear success stories after a false recovery. Anyone?

((( LH )))

Not too sure about false recoveries, but it sure seems to me that lots of WS and OP break up, make up - break up, make up.... the WS is so very confused and addicted that it is very common for them to go back and forth - alot.

Hang in there and keep listening to the wise posters here.

Sending prayers your way, carnation

Hi LH,

Yup, my FWH did the back and forth thing followed by a false recovery. Each time he came back the bar got raised higher and higher.

It's a helpless feeling, particularly when you aren't living together - how on earth do you prove what you suspect? I remember feeling constantly anxious and wondering whether he was (once again) breaking his word. I got pretty tired of snooping, and busting him talking to her was no fun either.

Some WSs don't "get it" until Plan B pulls the rug out from under them. Heck, my H didn't get it until I filed for divorce. It took almost losing me to give him the impetus to finally end his A (plus the fact that the A tanked).

There's definitely hope after a false recovery. Keep trusting your instincts. Hold your boundaries firm.

Blessings,

G

Yep.
We had false recovery last year (although I didn't really think we were in recovery) He was talkin' the talk but not walkin' the walk.

This time I think he is serious. I guess time will tell.

Has he written a NC letter yet?

Thanks so much for your replies and a glimpse of hope! Sometimes even though you feel you are called to stand, those stinkin doubts creep in on you from time to time. I'm sure you all know that too well.

Thanks for the encouragement and prayers!