I think Bigkuhuna disagrees with me and sees some relevance to your idea. That if the affair relationship does not have the opportunity to run it's course that the "lovebank" remains positive and forever positive.
Mr W. Funny you should say that with all the fuss from Stanley et al about NC etc.
It's funny. I read HNHN as most of us have and I kept wondering and thinking, OK so I understand 100% all the Love Bank stuff and how it all works.
I kept thinking - well fine, well and good. But what happens when a person in an affair, in love, leaves the affair STILL "in love" What happens then I wondered.
Well I didn't have to wonder long because the chapter dealing with affairs specifically at the end of HNHN lays it all out pretty well I think.
I was pretty much resigned to the view that FWW would always "Love" OM. Now after 10 months of so of NC, I wouldn't say she still "loves" him but she certainly cares about him and what happens to him. He did manage to withdraw significant love units from the bank when they split, and has really been a pain in the [censored] interfering with our children too so I guess that's all LB withdrawals.
FWW is almost physically sick if she even accidentally sees his car or sees him in the distance.
But I really do believe she will always be vulnerable to OM in a weak moment or when home life is ebbing more than flowing.
And that folks is the whole point of NC for life. If it were not so, NC for life would not be required. So I do surprisingly have some sympathy for Stanley's point of view on this.
FWW has certainly vehmently opposed me taking any action that would upset OM as she says that's just vengence or spite. So in that sense she still has (or had) loyalty at some level to OM.
FWW has been brilliant at NC. She calls me if she even sees his car. She saw him in the distance the other day and called me in an absolute panic. I have no worries she will ever take up with OM again. I think she likes the fantasy that OM is still panting after her.
I don't like this situation - I truely hate it but if you believe in Harley's love bank, it is an inevitable conclusion and underlines again the importance of NC.