My signature line pretty much tells the story of WW's affair.

The issue that has arisen is that my DD's birthday is in about two weeks, and she wants to have a birthday party like she has always had. Meaning she wants her ENTIRE family to be present. This is not possible because WW's PA was with my sisters H. My DD does know about the PA and has paid the price just like everyone else.

DD is now asking me and WW to let my sister and her H come to our house for the party, which just can not happen. I honestly don't think they would anyway. Plus NC would be broken and I will not accept that.

DD has expressed to me that she feels that I am partly to blame because I should be able to forget about this whole crappy mess for one day and let the party happen.

How do you make a 12 year old understand that this can't happen? My DD and myself have been dealing with all of these holidays since D-Day where the family is not together, including yesterday (4th of July) and been coping with it as best we can. It is very hard to deal with still.

any advice is appreciated.

KRK

U let your daughter now that as much as you would like to forget it all......right now you don't feel safe enough to be able to do that.

Make arrangements for her to see her aunt but not her uncle unless it is supervised.

Is your dd receiving pressure from the WS for S and her H t/b there?

L.

Orchid,

Thanks for the reply,

No WW is not pressuring DD at all. WW understands that they can't come to the party. WW is mostly just avoiding the issue. She is planning the party without them involved.

I have done as you advised and told my DD that it is not feasible for either S or BIL to show up, but she got mad at me and said I should just let it happen for one day.

As things stand now my mother will go and get my S and BIL son (my nephew) and bring him to the party. This has been how most all the "family" events have been conducted since this selfish ridiculous A happened.

Thanks again,
K

Hi Krk18

Since your daughter knows about what happened, I would tell her that right now you cannot see them without being reminded about it all--it just hurts too much. I think that you should actually use words like that with her--she'll understand that you're hurt much more than if you just tell her its not possible right now. She has to relate so that she'll truly understand why its not possible at this time. Although--if she's anything like my niece she will still only think about herself. *sigh* That's just how they are at this age--LOL. Good luck.

HU2006

Tell her a story .....

about a boy who was just walking in the park & was attacked by a vicious dog (embelish story at will)

the bites were very painful
there will be permanent scars

the pain goes away slowly

the fear of dogs in general passes eventually

but when the boy sees THAT dog .... his heart races, his stomach turns, he vomits, he gets a headache & he feels he is about to be bitten all over again ....

and from that day forward ... that dog is not allowed around the boy until the boy feels safe around that dog ... and that's the way things are sometimes


Pep

Dear KRK,

What a horrible situation to find yourself in.

Have you been to a professional counselor??

Just curious... Your situtation is so difficult because of the close relationship (family).

It sounds like family counseling might be in order.



k.d.'s heartbreak

Pep & HU2,

Thanks for the suggestions, they are both excellent because they will relate the pain that is still very present. I will talk to her about this tonight!!

I know that DD is in a great deal of pain also simply because she has seen her family completely seperate in a matter of one day. She, like I never saw it coming. What a blow to an 11 girl.......

KDS,

I have not been to counseling as of yet, but I have to admit that I am beginning to feel that it is time to talk to someone about this. I am known for holding everything in and have been doing that since D-Day.

I have dropped many many LB's during this insane roller coaster ride and I know from reading here that it is a mistake.

I am just too torn right now..........

K