Roller coaster. You've got him back up on the fence, conflicted. Better than a few weeks ago when he only saw divorce as an option but he is still in WS mode punishing you for having hope (after he willingly gives you hope). It's crazy, I know...you just can't have REAL hope till he's out of his affair(s).

You made some good Plan A love bank deposits Friday night. Keep trying for those without pressure.

Work your Plan for you...your individual plan of being the best individual, mom and wife you can be.

Set your Plan B date. Plan A is easier to implement when there is a definite finish line to accepting crumbs. The more effective your Plan A the more effective your Plan B may be.

Cry without weeping. Remember the do's and don'ts??? Act happy. Don't allow his actions to make you cry. You can't change him being desparate and needy appearing.

As far as his sister saying "he's thinking" ...bullcrap, he'll be thinking forever as long as he's in an affair. He said he ended it but it would be enlightening to know if he really has. Snoop if you can.

Mr. Wondering

Thank you for your support Mr. W. I would like for others to chime in and give me their oppinion/point of view/advice. I am open to any and all feed back. Having that said......

The last few days have been rough for me but I am now considering my M over. D or no D. I am not being hopefull of anything period. If he calls fine if not fine. We have had several discussions over the last few days. Tuesday was when I laid it all out for him. I told him flat out I am no longer going to ask for you to consider our M/family, I will not find a reason to call you, I will not go looking thru your personal stuff for information as to your whereabouts or anything of that nature, I am not going to cry or be sad anymore. I have accepted your choice to continue with the D and if that is truely what you feel you need then I will grant it to you as long as I get full custody of the kids and all the equity in our home.(we have another property which he will own the equity in)

My life is just that mine, he has no say in it. I am going to let him be free of the M and me. I held my ground. I did not call him the next day at all. He called to say that he was taking his truck to my house to park it till the mechanic was able to fix it.(it broke down) I firmly said no.. it is my home and I do not want to see you or your truck at my home. You have no right to leave your truck there. He tried to say that it was his home legally(deed of trust) and that I couldn't do that to him. I informed him that he is the one with a new mailing address and that I can prove that he no longer lives there.

I then informed him that I had plans for this weekend and that I needed for him to take the kids fri-sat-sun. He questioned me about what my plans where. I just stated that I had things that needed to be done and it no longer was for me to disclose any of my activities to him. He then went on to say that he was not going to be able to do that cause he was on call for work, all 3 days... HaHa... With that response I informed him that he was to never say that I have refused to let him see the kids. As he is turning me down to have them for the weekend and he has turned me down in the past. He seemed shocked.

Next he said we need to talk. I let him know that I didn't want or need to say anything further to him. That when he was ready to file for the D I will be waiting. he wanted to talk last night and i said well i have errands to run after work so I will see if i have time to call u after the kids go to bed.

We where in the grocery store and ran into him. Obviously the kids ran up and hugged him and he then bought each candy... befor they had dinner... I ignored him as if he was just another person in the store. I think it po'd him cause he gave his goodbyes to the kids and stromed out of the store.

I did not call him as he asked me to do. He called my cell several times(11pm) and then called the house. I had to answer as it was going to wake the kids up. He then started into his demands for coming home. I told him that we where not going to live together for a while. It will happen if and when things are better between us. I reminded him that I was going to take things a bit slow and that I was not going to hold on to hopes that we saved our M.

Seems that this is going to snap him back. But that is yet to be seen...

Ohsusie...

with much respect and concern..
I believe you and he are just stuck in a dance of power and control...

I am searching for the humility
for the love
for the Christ-like forgiveness...
and I am having a hard time seeing it...

it is my opinion that the dance you two are engaged in now ..will end you up divorced and each convinced there was no other path or choice.....

you are not cherishing him..
and you are not offering hope based on love but on control...

you can choose this path...
but it is my opinion that it does not serve YOU well...

your actions are not the defining actions of someone who is loving and forgiving....

inspite of his...
who are you choosing to be?

ARK

Ark...

I agree with you as to the humility is missing
as far as the forgiveness.. I believe that I have forgiven him for the things that have been done. I am not trying to use them against him in any way or to lingir on them.

Something about my personality is that I am good with the numbers and facts. Sorting thru feelings and showing the love and forgiveness and even looking at my actions is definately where I fall short and need help with.

Please further explain what you see and ask me questions I will answer anything.....