MiMi - help me fight. I have a call in to the attorney's office now waiting for them to call me back.

Please share you tips with me for surviving a dark Plan B. It The time is quickly drawing near that I feel this is my last option.

Mimi posted on her thread that she would be back tomorrow...I put the link for your post into mine on hers.

Gosh, is that confusing?

Hang in there...

LA

Have you done your plan B letter yet?

See if your attorney can get him removed from the home for mental cruelty reasons.

I gather from mimi's call out post that your WH will not leave to enable you to enter Plan B the easy way. I don't know the other details of your story.

A BS can certainly enter Plan B the "hard" way by leaving the marital home, but this shouldn't be done without legal "cover" in the form of a separation agreement or other legal instrument that clearly states the real reason the BS is leaving and also provides for fair financial arrangements, property control, child custody, etc.

JMHO

WAT

Agree with WAT, I would visit an attorney and see if you can get him out that way, via a seperation agreement.

ChaCha,

No the Plan B letter has not been done yet. I'm on a time crunch right now, (mid term exam) after that I will work on the Plan B letter.

KaylaAndy,

I've thought of that, but in the long run that would just push H away even further. I don't want to push things further then necessary if there are alternate ways to have
him move. Time will tell though.

Worthatry,

I've heard H comment he can't afford it (baloney) also heard him say This is his house also (true) but very simply I can't afford the mortgatge on my income if he were to stop paying it. Also many here have advised me to "protect" myself (financially) so the only way I know to do this is via an attorney. Currently H pays Mortgage payment, Health Insurance and Car Insurance.

When I had a consultation with the attorney originally after finding out about the affair, she was the one that said she could ask that H be made to continue to pay the mortgage. I haven't talked to her yet about legal seperation status.

I have an appointment with her tomorrow but not for the legal seperation issue. It's the other thing that I had to hire her for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have seriously considered leaving the house myself (of course I'd talk to the attorney first) but I honestly think part of him realizing what he stands to loose is if he is the one that leaves.

Only issue with that is if H leaves then I'm left to deal with the aftermath of a son who H has enabled to get away with so many things that I won't put up with.

MelodyLane I'll be talking to an attorney about this as soon as midterms are done.

ChaCha, KaylaAndy, Worthatry and MelodyLane, Thank you for the input. I sure need it. Your suggestions are very helpful to me.

Okay here is something I've noticed and a question at the end

It appears to me that H seems to get angrier after I've done some nice things for him or if he's noticed changes I've made.

For example, He had been at home for approx. 9 days (meaning here at night, and when not working, staying home on weekends, but on day ten after I had done laudry (including his, made an extra effort to cook nice dinners, no R talk, rearranged bedroom to the way I like it, removed some of my things from the house to declutter) all of a sudden he disappears one night for a minimum of 2.5 hours (could have been longer not sure).

Up until he left I would have said he wasn't seeing OW, (still think they are in contact via e-mail and phone though) so I know she's not out of the picture. However since he took off like he did, I have no idea about anything anymore.

Is this his way of trying to keep his anger fired up by attempting to draw me into arguing? And his way of continuing to "keep himself from caring" about me? Tells me I am deluisional if I think he has any feelings for me (babble I hope). Guilt kicking in perhaps from him? Any thoughts?

yes on both counts..part of the standard WS script...my H did the exact same thing...but has told me later how effective I really was being..

He needs to demonize you in order to justify his affair. When you are nice to him, you interfere with his rationalization. He will probably try to bait you into fights. If he can get you to fight back, he will have some automatic ammunition to use against you. This is why it is so important to avoid lovebusters now. It really CONFUSES the WS's!

Any chance you can expose the OW again since you suspect they are in contact? The last time you did this and confronted her, she backed off, didn't she?

She said she did, but I think they were still talking even though H denies it. He was never willing to show me cell phone records though. I can't contact her anymore for legal reasons.

How are you today?
When is court?

Court is next week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Other then this being on my mind, I'm trying to work on assignements and study for mid-term exams but struggling to get it done. It just seems like when I sit down to work on assignements and study my brain starts spinning 200 mph.

I now wish I hadn't signed up for this class because I was trying to take on to much at one time but somehow I will continue to do my best (currently have an A in class) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I just hope I can keep it up. (Anyone here an expert on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Coven.) Assignement is on this and I'm struggling.

Will someone please tell me what page # on SAA it talks directly about exposure? (Who to expose to and why)? I've tried to find it and can't.

Thanks in advance

I've taken the course. My SIL teaches it as well. It's been awhile for me though.

I used to work for his coaching company - which chapter are you studying?

Thanks VowsRSacred,

Perhaps you can help me with this then.

This is one of the class assignments I'm stumped on.

I know that W. Mitchell is proactive and is taking responsbility on how he handles things but from the question it sounds to me that I am suppose to find all 7 habits in Mr. Mitchells life.

Any thoughts here?

http://www.wmitchell.com/about.html

Class assignement - Go to website listed above and answer this:

In what ways does W. Mitchell use the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People in his life?


Okay I admit it, I'm a very analytical person and have a tendenancy to read more into things than are really there.

We are suppose to listen to the tape and answer a ton of questions about the book. Since I'm not one that can concentrate for long periods of time I also bought the book to have has a reference guide. I've got most of them done but these are the stumpers for me. My head is spinning, and I can't think anymore.

Here is one of the questions I am stumped on:

List each habit and how you could apply each habit to online learning

List each habit and how you could apply each habit on the job

List each habit and how you could apply each habit in day to day life

Any thoughts or ideas would be appreciated.

I have no idea what ever made me think I was mentally ready for this class with so much going on in my life right now, but I'm in it so have to find a way to continue.

Does the assignment have you read W Mitchell's story or just that synopsis?

W Mitchell's story has been one highlighted by many motivational speakers. I got to hear him speak "between accidents" - when he spoke to about 500 teens at a 4-H Youth Leadership conference. At the time, I had no idea about his story. I learned who I had listened to 6 years later listening to Tony Robbins.

There are the individual habits - Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind and Putting first things first. Then there are the relationship habits - Win-Win thinking, Seek first to understand then be undrstood and Synergize. Then there is the renewal habit - sharpen the saw.

Do you know what Mitchell did to recover from the motorcycle accident (individual habits)? And have you studied why he ran for mayor (relationship habits)?

By the way - the individual habits will really help you through this life challenge that you have. You've had a relationship that has crashed and burned so-to-speak. You are recovering your sense of self from repeated abuse attacks (emotional/mental) from your husband. What do you think a Covey coach would tell you to focus on in your own life, patterning your personal recovery from burns and paralysis after W Mitchell?