Please help me.

He will not leave me alone. He has the boys (the bigger two) for the first time in a month, and he will not leave me alone.
We closed on the sale of our house today, and he keeps calling. I don't answer. Didn't have to until 5 when he calls my job.

He has said some of the following. (I typed it as he was saying it):


He also of course is confessing his love for me and at the same time saying he and OW are best friends. Not that it matters.

I AM DONE!!!!!

I am crying so hard right now because he won't leave me alone. My poor boys are hearing him, and I keep saying I do not wish to talk about this and he keeps calling.

He's acting desperate and it is making me scared, really. He is sooooooo manipulative. So needy.

I am at peace with the fact that this is over.
I tried.
And now he thinks he can sweet talk, etc. and I am gonna jump at the opportunity.

Help. NOTHING I say or don't say works.

Has anyone seen this before?

I am sooo confused and upset right now.

Here I am thinking I am so strong and knowing that the Lord has gotten me through all of this, and he can pull this [email]cr@p[/email] and I am a mess--a mess because I don't know what to do.

Just recieved 5 texts from the time I posted this.

The last one said:
"I need you to talk to me as a friend because I feel like doing something stupid."

??????????????????
Just keep ignoring them?

I want my boys back home with me, but he lives 1.5 hours away, I am at work, start my 2nd set of classes tomorrow and if he brings them back, I am afraid he will not leave.

InTexas,

I am sooo sorry to see that he won't leave you alone and is exposing your sons to this manipulative behavior. I still think he is mentally abusing you with the multiple calls and texts. He is trying to get you to respond to him be threatening to do something stupid, which btw, is too late, he already has!!

So OW dumped him and now you have a chance of making it, I thought she was his soulmate?? Really, you don't need this, at your job no less. And his pt. on father to those boys, he burns me up! Your getting a divorce does not change the fact that he is the father to all three of your sons.

Does he have a friend (male) you can call to go over there and check on him? A relative? Seems to me I recalled your his FOO was backing him up with the OW. Don't know if you could call them. How about a domestic abuse hotline, run it past them? Your boys are also in the middle of all this drama, it can't be good for them.

I am praying for you <<hugs>>.

intexas, dont' respond. He is just trying to manipulate you. He has lost his toy and needs a new toy to play with. You are no longer available to be manipulated.

His mental cruelty is unbelievable. Are you in plan B? It sounds like you are sure you are done. Have you started D proceedings? I've lost track of your situation....sorry.

Intexas,

This may be a situation where you need a third party to get involved. Do you have a trusted friend or relative that can accompany you when you see WH in-person? You'd feel safer because you don't know what WH might do. The last text he sent you sounds suicidal...is there a crisis hotline you can call to get help for him? You need to protect yourself because it sounds like he may inflict harm on himself or even your sons or yourself. Please be safe.

p.s. if you feel like he really will harm himself, I would suggest calling the police to go over there and asking them to pick up your boys. You can then drive over and get them from the POLICE, rather than have to deal with his drama. LET THE POLICE DEAL WITH HIS SUICIDE THREATS.

He texted again to say he would not do anything stupid with the boys around. This part of the conversation I have seen before. Almost word for word when the going gets tough.

But now, he will not answer the phone. I just called to ask him to bring the boys home, and he won;t answer.

More manipulation? Control?

Hanging up the phone will WORK.

[quote
Hanging up the phone will WORK. [/quote]

Mel, he calls my job. that is the only phone I answer when he calls. I am on call from 5pm to 7 am --I have to answer it. I do hang up, he keeps calling.

is there a way to block his number?

Do you have caller ID? If you keep hanging up on him, he will get the idea. You are going to HAVE TO talk to the judge about his behavior, intexas and perhaps get a restraining order against him. I wonder if he is mentally capable of taking care of those kids? In light of his suicidal calls, I don't think he is mentally fit, do you?

I don't have any advice that you haven't already received for the short term, but in the long term you may consider getting a restraining order. It may be the only way to get thru to him that you mean what you say.

His calls are effecting your ability to do your job. Make sure that you document what you can. If it continues, it would probably meet the standard for stalking.

Intexas.
Bless your heart.
My WH has done the same junk to me.
If nice doesn't work, he'll try nasty.
If nasty doesn't work, he'll try threats of suicide.
If suicide doesn't work, he crys and begs.

He has continued to talk to OW though says he wants us to work things out.

In my layman's opinion, he's just trying to do whatever he can do to bully you into doing what he wants/needs. But, you know him better than we do. Would he attempt suicide? If yes, maybe you should follow through with other suggestions here and ask a male friend/family member to go check on him.

I can't tell you how many times my WH and I have gone through this same scenario. If I don't respond in a manner that pleases him, he won't answer and I get frantic thinking about all the "what ifs".

Just hang in there. How long before the D is final? Who gets custody? Make sure you keep the text messages and record any of this stuff that you can. Make a log of it all and get witnesses to it if you can. Never hurts to have it documented.

My heart really goes out to you b/c he has your boys w/him plus I know first hand just how earth shatteringly cruel this type of behavior is. It tears your heart out.

InTexas,

You there? How are you doing?

Record the calls. [This is legal]

Then call the police and tell them that he is making harrassing calls and suggesting he may do "something stupid" ..tell them that you fear for your childrens well being..let him be condemned by his own manipulations.

If he is serious..he'll get all the help you can offer.

If he is not..he'll get burned seriously.

In any case your children will not have to be exposed to this nonsense.

It'll make a big difference in your favor when custody becomes an issue as well.

You have the rare opportunity to be both mercifull and ruthless at the same time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> don't let it go to waste.

InTexas, I hope you are ok.

My x had some really suicidal moments when he called me to rescue him. Once or twice I had to get his counselor involved. Thankfully he had one - not that it helped him much.

Fortunately, he never did this when he had the children.

I will say a special prayer for you tonight.

I would call the police and get them to pick up your boys.

If you can't do that, get a phone recorder - $35.00 at Radio Shack. Record his calls and take them to court for an emergency hearing to keep the boys away from him.

Sorry I had to get off for a bit.

He finally called back and apologized for the threats (again, same story playing out here). Then he showed up at my door. He just left and I am pooped.

I wish i could reiterate what all he said--basically, the whole he is soooo sorry stuff mixed with we can make it, etc. Lots of crying, begging, you name it.

I am sick. Shaking. And so tired of this.

I don't understand it all, really. I mean, he had an affair, left me while pregnant, has been cruel for months, and now, is being mentally abusive and he says I am not giving God a chance by closing the door??? WHY is this happening? I know I need to be asking how God can use me through this, but I can't help but ask why because I am that confused.

I just feel so sick.

But I know the boys are okay. They are excited about their sleepover. They have movie plans tomorrow. It was all just a ploy to get to me as usual. But I am taking all this to the lawyer. I never wanted to do this, but when it comes to my boys, I have to think of them first. WH is a big boy who needs to accept what he has done and face the music. This abuse is not the way to go about things.

Next time, I am calling the police. Gonna call his bluff. You are all right--this has to stop. And I have that recorder already. Gonna start using it. Gonna go see the lawyer tomorrow after class as well.

Why do I feel like I am doing something wrong here?
I don't think I hae ever seen so clearly the manupualtion and abuse as I have tonight.

I am so grateful for you all here.

(((((InTexas))))

I hope you are having a better day today. Please know that you can call me anytime if you need to talk. Email me if you need my #s.

I hope you do go to the lawyers today, you absolutely cannot let your WH do this to you anymore.

Take care and remember I'm only 45 minutes away if you need me.