I have been in an excellent Plan B and been very dark since husband moved out at the beginning of December 2005. His affair with a co-worker (she is Head of HR) continues and the exposure I have done has had no real effect. I work for the same organisation as they do (local government) and have had to face the knowledge that loads of people know but do nothing about it given both their seniority, and continue to be humiliated by them.
He has written intermittently since he moved out - usually to offer his support and help with 'things'. He has written again to send back some redirected mail.He writes...........

I wrote a couple of weeks ago to ask if you would reconsider your decision not to have contact with me. I understand how painful this must be for you but I would like to discuss with you what we do next. I would like to talk about the house in particular and I do appreciate that it won't be easy for you. I have reached a stage where I want to move on and I can't do that withoutconsidering the options in relation to the house. Whilst the most obvious course of action is to sell the house, there may be others and if you and I could open a dialogue, at least we would be able to explore all our options.
I write this letter in the full knowledge that you are hurt and upset by my actions and under no obligation to talk to me if you don't want to. That said, there are issues which we do need to consider so I make a further request for you to contact me so that we can at least begin the process. In the meabtime if there is anything I can do in relation to the upkeep of the house, please find a way to let me know.

Any advice please - the house has a lot of equity in it - but we are in a contract to not sell it until September (that's 2 years since we bought it) if earlier we will have to pay back quite a lot of cash. Mt instinct is not to sell until then - but he is now upping the ante in terms of getting things moving

He wants you to make it all easy for him and help him destroy your marriage amicably. The best course of action is to completely ignore him and if he wants to end the marriage, FORCE him to go to the trouble of hiring an attorney. That usually slows them down long enough to possibly change his mind. So, don't help him destroy your marriage, making him do all the work will make him think twice.

If he does hire an attorney, then you just hire one too and make him communicate that way.

I would have all this go through a good lawyer. Find yourself one and direct your H to the lawyer. If your H is h*ll bent on going through with this you need to protect yourself. Can you refuse to sell the house? If you can and you are not ready to sell it then don`t. Do not make this easy.

I have found, that this is always a good idea. when you do respond - somehow the conversation turns into another boring message about how YOU need to do the right thing, and after all HE all ready said he is sorry. Then you end up feeling bad for a couple of weeks.
But, when you just ignore him, he spends the next couple of weeks wondering if you are thinking about him, or making plans to sell, or perhaps contacting a lawyer, or perhaps too busy.....on and on. His mind will wander, which puts him in a foul mood when OW is around, further driving a stake into their R.

By ignoring him, for now, you buy extra time, which is always a good thing. Time for you to decide what YOU want to do. Time for his A to run its course. And then, if YOU decide to sell the house, enough time will go by, and the two years will be past and you will not have to pay a penalty. That is only two months away. It is foolish for him to even consider selling early and taking the hit. He is in a hurry to sell now to try to further finance his A.

Now is a good time for you to just "be still".

YOUR WH seems to hate Plan B

that's good

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Pep

I totally agree with Pep. Your plan B is clearly affecting him. he needs to continue to understand that D is final - it means that the two of you will no longer talk to each other. he will no longer be graced with the pleasure of your company. He needs to really understand that right now.

I am not sure if I can refuse to sell the house. I moved up here to be with him when he got promoted - I left a higher paid job, friends etc. and am pretty isolated. I would like to decide when it sells - and that would be if I am successful in getting a job back 'home'.
What is spooky and probably unrelated (I know how I am in looking for things that are not there)is that the mail he returned - it was opened - not a surprise as we have similar initials was a cheque from our previous employer - for interview expenses. I did not get the job - I was really crap at the interview - but this would have got him thinking and he would be not too sure what I am planning.

I second melody lane's advice. Ignore him fully. If you hear from an attorney-then take the action of hiring your own attny- but I would still maintain total darkness with him. Let the attny's do the dirty work. Your plan B seems to be having the desired effect- keep up the good work!

You can refuse to respond to him and don't have to do anything just because he wants it. You only have to sell if compelled legally.

Pep is right, your Plan B is working. Nothing has changed here, so stay dark and don't do anything unless you are contacted by an attorney. Then you can get your own attorney.