The court systems are now making references to a "parenting coordinator" to resolve issues between divorced parents, and keep them out of court.

A judge just recommended that we use one, but I've learned there are no guidelines in my state for this. I'd love to hear anyone's experiences with this.

We used a mediator, and X ignored the mediated agreement, so I don't think he'd use a parenting coordinator either, I just want to have one in place.

Yes - I have experience with a parenting coordinator concerning a matter with my DD14. It could be a useful arrangement provided both parents are reasonable and have best interests of child in mind. However if not - the PC has no legal clout and it is a useless (and expensive) encounter. FYI: PC's are actually "mediators" and act the same in trying to find compromise. They also will not engage in moral issues at any cost - no matter the extreme. I found the ordeal to be extremely frustrating and a waste of time & money. If ex ignored the mediated agreement; I'm sure the same will happen here.

Good Luck.

FR

[color:"purple"]I agree with fishracer. Any agreement mediated would probably be ignored by your ex. It would be an expensive way to document his behavior for your next court battle.

Newly I know you probably won't believe this, but after 9 years of battling the ex, my daughter had enough of his drama and came to live with me. I gave up weekday custody of her in exchange for weekends after 4 years of battle and I was broke. He is better because he actually started some counseling for himself for anxiety. It has been 5 years since she has lived with me now.

I'm not saying to give up your kids. I'm saying that some folks just don't change unless they want to change. I had to accept him for what he was and do my best to protect myself and my daughter from any fallout. I created a haven for her so that she could have some kind of normalcy in her life.

She has had major emotional problems. Some of them could be biological which would explain some of her dad's behavior if she inherited that. The rest of it, who knows?

Create a haven for your kids and try to ignore as much of the ex's stuff as you can.

V.[/color]

Thanks to both of you. I met with my DD's counselor to discuss the issue and the result is the same, it will be a futile effort. I got a pre-publication article (Family Law Journal) describing the differences between a mediator & a PC from a mediator.

The counselor tells me to keep doing what I am doing, which seems to be the "haven" you suggest. The girls have choices at my house and that is important. Eventually, they will need to find their voices with their father. The counselor believes the experience will teach them to be better people in the long term. She just said to keep documenting everything to show I'm doing the best I can for the kids, and realize he will never communicate with me.