I have been away for awhile, and I just wanted to bring everyone interested up to date. My H is still denying the affair. He refuses to see that his friendship with this other woman is ruining out otherwise happy marriage. He spend the weekend at her place at the beach while I stayed home. He told me he had a computer workshop in another city. I found a receipt for some jewelry that I know was not for me. I also found another reciept for a diamond engagement ring. He told me that it was for me to replace my smaller one. I know in my heart that he already gave it to her. He is living 2 lives and wnat to keep them both separate. He has been taking the phone off the hook when he is outside in case she calls. He doesn't want me to answer the phone. He just lies and lies and lies. They yet, before he leaves on Saturday, he tell me how much he will miss me this weekend and we end up having great sex on the family room floor. I just don't get it anymore. He is making long term plans with me and her at the same time. Confrontation does nothing to resolve this problem. I know, I have tried. For now I am just trying to do things for myself. I went to a movie with some girlfriends on Saturday afternoon. I went out Sat. night with another girlfriend to listen to some music. (I don't drink, but it was a small outdoor bar with music.) I had breakfast with my inlaws on Sun. I went shopping for some housewares in the afternoon, anything to keep me busy. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I did NOTHING to deserve this kind of treatment. I am taking steps to preserve my financial state, and my emotional state. If he really wants to leave me, I will be just fine, I am tired of trying. I will still be the perfect little wife always supportive, but I refuse to be a doormat

Not knowing is so hard. Been through it twice now. He didn't fool me this last time, I just wanted to believe him and until this week his alibis were pretty good. Keep doing things for yourself and if you think he is cheating decide what you want on the base of that. Personally, I still want my marriage, but I'm no longer willing to be the only one who does the work on it.

This bothered me last night, so I just had to come back and post.<P>Are you sure you are safe? Hasn't he made up false legal papers to fool OW, false rental agreements, too? Didn't you find a job offer in his briefcase that he didn't tell you about? He sounds pathalogical.<P>Now an engagement ring? Don't mean to be humorous, but your situation sounds like a made for TV movie plot.<P>It is one thing to deny an affair, but to set up another life and show no signs of remorse or indecision sounds creepy.<P>Am I way out of line here, or does anyone agree?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Citygirl,<P>Except for the affair, your marriage is a good one. So, there are no lovebusters - and both of you are meeting each others emotional needs, employing POJA - etc. etc. etc. Right? or Wrong?<P>If you take all of the affair out of the marriage, evaluate what is left, and decide if this truly is a good marriage. Identify what or where things are not up to snuff, and see what we can do about changing that.<P>My first marriage was a good one, outside of multiple affairs and occasional abuse. The marriage counselor we went to after he moved out and before we divorced said My X would "turn over his own applecart" to create a problem because that is how comfortable he is in problems. His mother left his dad when he was 5, and changed the kids last name, and moved all over the country, and were taught to lie so she wouldn't get caught. He didn't see his real dad till he was 16 or 17 years old. He HAD to live a second life - that is what helped him feel normal..... ($%&($$&*)<P>So, CG - what is going on with your husband? Is your marriage really good outside of the affair, or is there something in his past life - ????? Hmmmmm. Your husband frustrates me.<P>You are doing well, however. Get a second phone, and when hubby takes the phone off the hook - just unplug it from the wall and let the second one ring. It would be wonderful if OW just happened to call, and found wifey-poo at home happily doing the wifey thing. OW is probably hearing you are history!!!!!<P>How about renting a billboard along the route from her house to her work, and past you and hubby's picture up there and a thankyou to husband for all his recent kindness!!!!<P>We need to help you find a way to "enlighten" the OW!!!<P>

FHL:<P>No, you're not out of line, something is Very Wrong here, and every time citygirl posts, my blood runs cold, because this IS creepy -- real "Gaslight" stuff. Citygirl is thinking she's going nuts, and I don't blame her.<P>Uh...if this guy bought her an engagement ring to replace her old one, why hasn't he given it to her?<P>Sounds like this guy wants to live a double life. <P>Citygirl, can you live with this? Because if not, you might have to do something. I don't understand how this guy can baldface lie when faced with this stuff, and say she's Just a Friend. How does he explain it?<P>I have no advice here, but something about this situation just makes my stomach turn.<P>Citygirl, we're here for you.

Is he a bigamist?<P>Could it be that wild?<BR>

I really think that my H is happy living the double life. BUT, very soon it will come back to bite him on the a*s. I am sure that he has told OW tha I am out of the picture. Just another one of his lies. OUr marriage is good except for the OW thing. We NEVER had a fight until she entered our lives. NEVER !! I know that is seems almost unreal, but that is really my life. S*cks doesn't it. Otherwise, we are very happy. We plan for the future, we are putting in a new inground pool. We are in the middle of trying to have children. This whole thing has hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I just don't know which way to go. I love him very much, but sometimes he seem like a different person. Like living with 2 people. Maybe it is a psych problem. I don't know for sure....