Brief History... (as on roll call)<BR>---------------------------------------------<BR>Jim/Male/Age 41/Betrayed<BR>Married 11 yrs (known W since childhood) <BR>3 children 17(stepson... is like real son)<BR> and 10(boy) & 7(girl)<BR>W found OM on Internet (since 12/98)<BR>Discovered (early 4/99)<BR>W filed for divorce (end of 4/99)<BR>I counter filed (end of 6/99)... for custody<BR>W gives up kids, and moves out to live near OM (8/28/99)... OM moves into her apartment.<BR>W is still looking for a job.<BR>W is living off of $10K I gave her to move out (Prelim. Property Settlement Agreement).<P>I found out about MB 9/27/99!!!<BR>Working on Plan A...<BR>W still continues to say she hates me...<BR> and says marriage is over.<BR>--------------------------------------------<P>NOW...<BR>When I called my wife tonight, to let 3 kids talk with her, I interrupted between conversations with kids to find out....<P>1. She'll will have no more phone or personal conversations with me... indefinitely! She hasn't talked with me (absolutely nothing meaningful) since she moved out 5 weeks ago... not on phone... not in person, not by mail/email. Before that..it as only to get herself money to move out!<P>2. She is now blocking(filtering out) all my emails to her.<P>At this stage is Plan A dead?<BR>I can't get anything through to her...<BR>I can't mail her, email to her, talk with her...no communications what so ever.<P>How can a Plan A work?...<BR>If nothing can be passed between us...<BR>especially from me to her!<P>Is my only choice to move to Plan B?...<BR>(if so... do I ever go back to Plan A?)<BR>Or just stay in limbo indefinitely?...<P>Should I begin with<BR>A. Pushing for divorce papers?...<BR>B. Pushing for completing Prop. Setlmnt. Agreement?<BR>C. Pushing for filing complaint with SSA on my wife's siphoning off money from stepson's<BR>$5,600K/yr money (BF disability)?<BR>D. Going for "full" custody of the kids?<P>These would be love busters, wouldn't they?<P>Help...<BR>I think I need make some decision soon.<P>If extreme patience(Plan A) is what I need...<BR>please tell me!<P>If Plan B is what I need...<BR>please tell me!<P>If there is anything else...<BR>please advise!<P>Jim

You've been in plan A since 9/27? <P>Keep on keeping on. Set a time limit. The main thing is no lovebusters.<P>And, you do need to protect yourself financially and with the kids.<P>ChrisCA123 is a great one to talk to. His wife moved out, and they only talk once a month to once a week, and only light chit chat, nothing meaningfull.<P>I think you do need patience!!!!<P>Hang in there!<BR>

You are in a difficult situation as neither plan will probably work as she is living with om. My w moved out too and om picked up her week's stay at a hotel and when she finally found an apartment he moved in a week later. So she didn't really need me. Your w is in the same situation.<BR>Keep plan Aing. She has already planned B'd you.<BR>Take your time, don't move too fast, give affair time to collapse from its own weight.<BR>Although fighting with my w over the kids may have hastened the collapse of my w affair. Om got tired of her being mad or fighting we me over the kids.

Well Mrs. M4B, since you “dragged“ me here, I’ll give it a shot!<P>If she is not talking to you at all, then I don’t think you should go to Plan B. You don’t really have to worry about Love Busting with her since there is NO communication. There will be at some point & you should avoid any Love Busters at all costs! Doesn’t mean you can’t disagree with her, but you should do it in a manner which she can not get upset with you (except “just because”).<P>Should I begin with<BR>A. Pushing for divorce papers?...<BR>Do you want a divorce? If not, then don’t push it!<P>B. Pushing for completing Prop. Setlmnt. Agreement?<BR>I wouldn’t do much yet. Perhaps you can look at it yourself without telling the wife anything about it. Never hurts to be prepared a bit.<P>C. Pushing for filing complaint with SSA on my wife's siphoning off money from stepson's $5,600K/yr money (BF disability)?<BR>Do you have proof she is taking it & not using it for him? I would discuss this with a lawyer & let him know you are trying to save the marriage.<P>D. Going for "full" custody of the kids?<BR>Personally, I would, but again, not yet. Perhaps talk with a lawyer (initial consultation is usually free.<P>It’s very rough & at times you just wanna give up on everything. But you have the kids now & you have to hang on for your sake & for theirs.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Stick with plan A! The most important part of plan A is NO LOVEBUSTERS. This will be easier for you with no contact. Does this mean there is nothing you can do? No!! Focus on becoming the best husband you can be. Figure out how you are going to be a single parent to your kids (Chris has done a great job in this department and can probably give you some guidance). Be ready to shock her with the changes you have made when she re-initiates contact (and she will). Until then, don't push. Let the affair die on its own. The more you push, the longer it will take.

NSR. I'm sort of in the same boaat you are H moved out 7/30 and is living with OW we met a few time to sign checks and talk about the house. I have not talked to him since 8/23. This is not the way I wantit. I have not gone into plan B(he sounds like he has) I have been trying plan A but it has been rally hard the only contact I have had is that I forward his mail to him. Lately I have started slipping in a note or card or picture of the grandchildren. I don't know if he even looks at them or just throws them away, but I also say a lot of prayers. Even if he doesn't see them, I still plan to wait till the first of the year before I go to plan B. Why because you have to give reality time to set in. I am sure they are still like honeymooners, everything is going great. BUt soon relity will set in. The holidays are coming, I can't see her family taking the place of his. I can't see him not thinking about his grandchildren esp. the baby his first Christmas. I also know there money problems and they will get worse because she will want to spend money on her kids and will not pay bills inorder to do this. What I am trying to say is you have to give the S time to realize what life will really be like with the OP before you take the next step. When they have had this opportuntity then you move on to the next step. But do protect yourself and the children. Check with the lawyer on your rights. I think I have been rambling,so I'll stop. hopes this helps a little<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Thanks one and all.<P>I just needed some encouragement.<BR>I will continue with Plan A...<BR>Give it some time...<BR>Just work on improving me...<BR>and spending more time with the kids.<P>I'll try, hard as it may be, to put her out of mind. When she re-engages a dialgoue with me, I'll be ready.<P>God bless you all.<P>Jim