Sounds like you're doing good. To be blunt, don't allow yourself to be vulnerable.

While he is still around her at all, he is not done with the A. He may think he is, he may think he is over it, he may think he is strong enough to keep it from happening again, but he has already proven that he is not.

He is far more vulnerable to her now than before they kissed, if indeed that was all that happened. The genie never goes back in the bottle.

That doesn't mean give up hope, it just means you are still in Plan A, still trying to finish killing off the affair, and still with a very good chance of recovering your M.

Why not send cookies today, and muffins tomorrow? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Not So,

He overseas and she's still here in FL. He says there's no contact, but i have no way of verifying. He seems genuine in his conversations and e-mails and very focused on me and the children. He's said right from the beginning that he doesn't want a divorce and we talk about future stuff together. I'm still pushing to move next year after he gets back, so he won't have to deploy anymore and we'll be away from OW. I'm trying to apply POJA; we're actually both back and forth about moving.

Oh, I missed the part where he is overseas right now.

It doesn't automatically mean he isn't in contact, but it sure makes a rosier picture than what I thought, of him walking past her desk a dozen times a day, and trying to convince you it was all ok. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Moving would be a very good idea, unless OW ends up moving in the meantime.

You are right, there isn't much you can do right now except what you're doing. Since he is not rubbing shoulders with her (like I thought until just now), if it were me I would take what he says at face value unless I saw differently, but still hold a part of myself back. And yet not being distant, either.

I don't know if I am making any sense (still sick and all <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />) but basically just saying don't get so emotionally invested that you are destroyed again if you find out later that C has resumed at any point.

When he gets home again and you can see his daily behavior toward you, you will know very quickly whether he is being honest.

I am so relieved that he is not still around her. Sorry if I misunderstood. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Supposedly, she accepted a transfer off the base (where he works) and into town. I still feel uncomfortable with her in town, but much better if she no longer works in his immediate vicinity.

Thank you so much for the encouraging words.

I didn't realize you were sick...I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks! I'm not throwing up, so that's a definite improvement. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Think on it a while, but do you have any way at all to verify OW's transfer? Maybe you know someone who would be willing to check for you.

Um, I guess maybe you'd better send the muffins WITH the cookies, lol.

I'll call her office in a couple of months (he gets back in Dec). She usually answers the call, if not, I'll ask for her and they should tell me that she transferred.

Why would you wait? What is significant about when he gets back vs now? I know I would be too antsy to wait that long. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I guess I just see it as one of your few chances to verify something he has told you. If it is true, then everything he says will have more credibility.

I don't know exactly when she's supposed to move, just sometime before he gets back.

Hmmmmm. Maybe check just before he gets back, then, maybe a week or two ahead.