I need some suggestions for a letter to OM.

I know I dont want to physically see him, as I belive I would do something I would regret later, dont know what but there would be something.

I need to let OM know what he is doing is wrong. You have killed your maggiage please dont kill mine.

Any Ideas?

One suggestion, the shorter, the better.

Why don't you write a note that expresses your feelings, post it, and we'll all help you hack it to bits? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, one other suggestion. Avoid all the angry things you would very much like to say. Keep it classy. (They hate that, because it shows you are better than they are.)

Oh 1 of 9.
I am so sorry to tell you that writing your wife's OM
will probably not help. He knows what he is doing is WRONG
without you telling him in a letter.

Hopefully, other MB members will give you some good
advice though.

Hang in there, sometimes you just gotta give TIME time.

Now I am gonna log off because I am not good at all in
giving advice.

P.S. I read on one of your other
threads that you have 7 children.
My goodness, you are surely blessed!

It will not stop him, but it will make him very uncomfortable, knowing that 1of9 is right there, waiting for him to screw up and take the WW back again. It just adds that much more pressure.

He will always be looking over his shoulder, not the most relaxed way to conduct a relationship. It is one more chip off the fantasy.

Well, its not going to be helpful to send him a letter really. I would call him up if I were you and ask him "what are your intentions with my wife?" It would be better if you could visit him in person but if you think you would punch him, you probably shouldn't. Or bring a friend who will make sure you don't punch the slimeball.

BUT, before you do that, have you exposed the affair? Have you called his wife and told her? Have you exposed to your wife's family? That needs to come first.

What have you done to bust up this affair so far?

How this

Dear OM,
It has come to my attention that your taking advantage of my wife. She may have informed you that this is OK with me. She is very worng with that statement. I know you are aware of our children I know you have children from your past marriage. This is not healthy for any of them.
I love my wife and am willing to do anything to win her love back. I would apreaciate it if you would no longer interfere withour marriage and have no further contact with her.

Singed
1of9

Hows that
To Aloof? I know the WW is going to read it and probably sit at the bar and share it with all the other barflies laughing and snikering.

Don't send that letter.

Neak, see I said I wasn't good at giving advice! LOL

You are probably right, especially if OM doesn't know
1of9 knows about the affair.

A note from 1of9 would surely splash some COLD WATER on the 'fun'.

Edited to add I wrote this BEFORE he posted his practice
letter to OM.

Have you exposed the affair?

If you have, then visit the man or call him up. A visit would probably shake him up and make him uneasy. Can you take a friend?

I am still logged on.

I agree with Mel, don't send it.

Especially after reading what you wrote there at the end;
about them laughing and making fun of what you wrote.

You deserve better than that. Don't send it.

exposuer is going on as I write.

Cant find the X of OM. But X of OM has seen and talked and given recomendations on doctors to my wife. She actually thank wife for setting some boundries with her kids while they were with OM for weekend.

1of9,

You said: [color:"blue"]
I need some suggestions for a letter to OM. [/color]

As Melody said, don’t send it.

[color:"blue"]I know I don’t want to physically see him, as I believe I would do something I would regret later, don’t know what but there would be something. [/color]

I threatened great bodily harm on the FOM. I think that created pressure for him as he later told me in the following phone conversation that he was “scared to walk out of his front door because he could be shot in the back of the head”. And that’s a quote.

It must have been distracting to say the least.

I’m not advocating doing that, but I am saying that whatever your dialogue with the OM is shouldn’t be anything except unpleasant.

He has already rationalized whatever it took to justify and support himself screwing your W. Is there really anything that you think you can do to change his mind about that? Nope.

The answer here lies with your WW and your ability to put an end to their A with one felled strike of the proverbial sword. You have to cleft their A in two with exposure; hard and furious.

It has to be complete and overwhelming to affect the most confusion and create the most pressure possible in every direction that you can muster.

This will be the strike goes from the collar bone to the [censored] of your opponent and will hasten the end in the quickest manner.

[color:"blue"]I need to let OM know what he is doing is wrong. You have killed your maggiage please dont kill mine.[/color]

Again, his goal is to replace you and anything that you can say to him will likely have little effect in the shame department.

Stick with the MB plan.

Plank.

I can't see him. I would do one of two things. Throw up in his face or end up in jail. more likly throw up.

Why would you throw up?? You can't do that. If you feel like you will punch him, you can enlist a friend to come with you.

Who are exposure targets here? Have you exposed this affair to your wife's parents? Who are some influential ppl in her life? Is this a workplace affair? What does the OM do?

Can you give us some more details? How long has this affair gone on?

How old are your kids? Do they know?

Some of the Kids are aware.

Exposure to My rents, her rents, her sibs, 6 of her freinds, 3 mutual frends.
unfortunatly most influential in her life are the barflies.

OM is some kind of Sales rep. I think. She says hes a bumb I've only seen him in the past at the bar. There when I came there when I left.

how long. 2+- months

why would I throw up? I seem to do that alot latley.

Is this her first affair? How long married?

Do yall hang out in bars and get involved in the bar scene?

Her first i belive. 16 years married.

Mariage
her second my first. on her first she had the WS. I thought I would be safe because she new the pain. I know I took advantage of this and assumed she would NEVER do that to me.
Could I be more of an [censored].

Bar sceene
It was supposed to be a family pub, cater to the kids big time. Didnt really do this, together, until about a year ago. Now it has seem to become the center of her life. i could live the rest of my life and never see another bar. She likes to dance so I have to find some other outlet for that.

Face to face is so inflammatory, even with a friend. More powerful, too, I'm sure, but extremely difficult.

Mel, what would you think of this for either a note, or a script for a phone call?

"OM,

I know what you and my wife have been doing. Our family and friends know it, too.

You need to know I still believe in my marriage, and my wife knows that when she is done with you, I will be there for her, to build a better marriage than we ever had before.

I love my wife, and have not given up on her.

1of9"

Something powerful like that, whether written or spoken, would not be needy or clingy or pitiful or desperate. Just very determined, resolved, and scary.

Well, I would be scared if I were the OM.

I like that.
Direct
To the point
Little emotoin
Stating Fact.
Minor revision

"OM,

I know what you and my wife have been doing. [color:"blue"]Her Family, my family [/color] and friends know it, too.

You need to know I still believe in my marriage, and my wife knows that when she is done with you, I will be there for her, to build a better marriage than we ever had before.

I love my wife, and have not given up on her.

1of9"

Her family can be scarry. Since I will assume that She is going to read this letter she may just relay some of the interesting activites of her siblings.