1of9, I am so sorry you are hving to live like this. I see the first order of business as the protection of your children. Have you talked to them about this yet and made sure they understand that you VALIDATE their feelings of right and wrong? They KNOW this is wrong, they need your moral guidance now to validate those feelings by telling them that adultery is very wrong, very immoral, but their mother is not in her right mind right now. They must still love their mother but they are not required to condone or pretend like she isn't doing something very wrong.

I would also explain to them that, as their father, WILL PROTECT THEM FROM THIS AFFAIR. That you will not allow them to be around this affair again. No more exposure to OM. I think that will give them relief to know that you will protect them from this by taking a STAND.


1of9, *YOU* are supposed to be the authority figure here for your children. Your child DOES NOT EVER HAVE THE RIGHT to "smack you" or moderate your behavior. Please make this clear to your children. Their world is being turned upside down and they desperately need THEIR FATHER TO ASSUME AUTHORITY HERE. They are the children, 1of9, you are the father!

My WW doesnt think she can ever come back because I have exposed the A.

In other words, she does not want to come back but is using exposure as an excuse to not come back. When she is ready to come back nothing will stop her, 1of9. Have you been talking to her? What is the latest on your children?

1of9,

All the WS's say that...and it isn't true. In the long run, if they come out of the fog, then they realize it was them having the affair, not the exposure, and it truly isn't a reason.

Please choose what you believe, wisely. Her stuff is only hers...yours is working on you, exposure, and using reverse babble (look up Orchid's sigline) to answer her when she says she doesn't think she can ever come back because you exposed the A...

For instance,

"I hear you do not think you can ever come back because of the shame you feel from having an A?"

Only Orchid does it better.

Look at the people here for you...please accept this support and post...too easy to get sucked into wayward thinking, looped thinking, and feel lost...ground yourself here. You're the reality bringer in Plan A.

LA

Oh that's WS babble. Want some respond reverse babble suggestions?

WS: I can't come back after what you told everyone about the A.

BS: Oh, I thought you wanted everyone to know. You keep walking and talking so weird, others noticed. Now they know why. Don't worry, it didn't stop them from living.


The purpose of reverse babble is to give the WS back their guilt and blame. It also relieves the BS from carrying the burden heaped upon them by the WS and OP. You realize it is a team effort to destroy the family. The WS and OP spend a lot of time planning how to hurt the BS.

Know this and let that be your tool to make their own A antics backfire on them. For this you need a clear mind and calm heart. Y? Because you are going to have to learn to be quick on your wit and throw their words back at 'em. For some of us it takes practice.....lots of it. I for one used to practice in front of the bathroom mirror....it paid off. I RB'd so well.....I still use it on those stupid enough to babble to me even outside of the A. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Oh thats good. She always told me "well i wasnt trying to hide anything I wanted you to know!"

im going to need that practice I was never quick on the wit.

The moment came she said

"You told everyone i have ever spoken too that im a W****

I could Not RB it would have sounded to sarcastic.

The appropriate response to that is "Those are your words, not mine."

Regards,

BB

As I said I never was the one with the quick responses.
Probably one of the reasons I always got defensive when we fought and then usually lashed out with words that hurt.

I will remember this one.