07/08/06 08:34 AM


Hi
I have been in Plan B for 14 days with no contact of any kind. However our daughter is 17 and has been communicating with her dad through cell phone calls and text messaging. I know he asks her for updates on what I am doing and wanting to keep his nose in my business. What should I do? I try to be vague with my daughter when I make plans so she has nothing to report back to him. It's frustrating because I know they must have a relationship.
Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you

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You will get more help if you stick to one thread

Pep

Plan B you can only "control" the flow of information ... just so much.

Control what you can as best you can.

Do not allow your DD17 to be the "go between" on your end of things.

That is to say ... if she starts telling you what your WH is up to or what he says or thinks ... say to her "Remember? We set the ground rules? I do not want to discuss anything about your Dad ~or~ OW.
However, all other topics are OK."

As far as revealing any of your plans to DD17 .... use your discretion .... if it is something you don't mind OW or WH hearing ... say it ... if it is something you REALLY want to keep private, don't say it. If you feel neutral, make it ambiguous !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep

Ally's 1st post

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06/27/06 03:21 PM


Hi
This is my first time on MB.
Everything you said reassures me that I am not going through things alone and it is not all my fault. My husband has been living with the OW for 6 months now. It is a co-worker. We have been together for 20 yrs. and have a 17 yr. old daughter. I was completely devasted when I learned he had been calling this woman since Nov. I asked him to leave at beginning of January. Instead of getting his own space he moved in with her. He wants to be my friend and we have been spending time together, phone calls, text messaging. We have great moments and conversation but he makes no effort to leave her. I have worked on Plan A and decided to switch over to Plan B. I miss him but it just seems to be hurting me more when he returns to her after we've had such an amazing time together. I think its time for him to realize what it will be like without me. He is having his emotional needs met by both of us right now. I want to fight for my marriage and hope I am doing what's best for now. He told me the other day that he doesn't love her-he said how could he because he has only lived with her 6months. He told me he loves me as a person but not physically. This has me confused because every time we're together he comments on how great I look, hugs me, touches my arm or hand and looks at me with feelings in his eyes. He told me our marriage might have had a chance had the OW not come into his life. I don't want to hurt anymore and feel like his 2nd choice- I'm his wife. The OW has a history of bad relationships- engaged twice. I really hope that eventually she will find another man to get her claws into and ask my husband to leave.
I take one day at a time and keep believing in my marriage.

Ally's 2nd post

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06/30/06 11:32 AM


I really admire masosa and her strength. I have been reading all the posts and am in a similar situation. I have just implemented Plan B 6 days ago. I miss talking and seeing my husband. We had been communicating everyday even though he is living with the OW. At first I felt that it was fine and that if I could have him for a few hours that was good enough, but now I want more. I want to rebuild our marriage. The ball is in his court and he needs to make the next move and prove to me that he wants to work on our marriage. Right now he wants the best of both relationships. When he needs his family fix he comes over here and then goes back to OW. This has been mentally and physically exhausting for me. I want to believe that Plan B will make a difference and he will come out of the fog. He tells me he doesn't love her and he loves me as a person but not physically. He thinks we could have worked things out had she have not come into his life!

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... and that's it so far !

Pep

[color:"red"] When he needs his family fix he comes over here and then goes back to OW. [/color]

THIS is the exact situation where Plan B is most effective.

NO more "family time" ..... he is making a choice by living with OW to ESCAPE his family .....

when you discuss this with DD17 .... tell her "Daddy chose to escape with OW. He cannot have us as a family. He made his choice."

Be firm ....

if you weaken, you delay WH's consequences.....

go DARK

Pep

*bump*