Hi,

My ex and I seperated for good about 3 years ago, and were legally divorced in Feb 2005. Lately, I have been having very mixed feelings, and even sometimes entertain the notion of getting back together. We have hardly spoken in the time since the divorce and she has been rather hateful to me. And yet, I have this intuition I suppose, that we are destined to be together for the rest of our lives. How does one move beyond this?

Thanks

We have hardly spoken in the time since the divorce and she has been rather hateful to me. And yet, I have this intuition I suppose, that we are destined to be together for the rest of our lives.

Do you realize how creepy this sounds? Read it back to yourself a few times. It sounds like you are in stalker mode.


she has treated me quite badly over the years, and does not get along well with our children... she is very selfish and puts her own desires above the family....

the wife smokes weed all day long, and drinks fairly heavily;...

The terms by which I would accept her back would have to include no further contact with the other person, she seek help for her drinking and pot consumption, she try to get a job and help with the financial support of our children, she keep reasonable hours, and she be more open and honest about her activities...for starters!

So do you still feel this way 3 years later? It sounds to me like you are not so much in love with your XW as maybe you were in a comfort zone then, which you no longer have today. A wife (of sorts) two great kids and yourself.

Your kids are older now...adults (19 and 20?) and have probably left the nest for the most part. You are perhaps feeling quite alone.

You had suicidal thoughts back in your '03 posts and could very well be in that mode of thinking now. Something has brought you back to the website.

Did you ever pursue counseling or therapy during or after the separation? If not, perhaps you should consider it now. You may no longer be a husband but, you are a father. Get your head out of your back side and concentrate on that rather than a disfuctional XW.

You know what, what is it with America??

"Do you realize how creepy this sounds? Read it back to yourself a few times. It sounds like you are in stalker mode."

You just don’t turn off love, you people are so quick to judge everyone just because someone loves someone else they are a stalker, I hope someday you love someone so much that you want to fight to keep them. After 3 years you can still love someone and its ok to. Society has gone to ****** in a hand basket and things are labeled easy with out justification, and what you just told this person is that he is creepy, to me I feel you are creepy because your mind works that way, maybe I am different but feel people should be free to be and feel like the want to, he did not mention he was driving by 100 times a day or showing up at her work, or calling her 100 times a day. Contact her see how she is doing and see if she is in a relationship etc.. if she is mean or full of hate just say I am sorry I was just making sure you are ok. There is nothing wrong with your feelings and there is nothing wrong with contact every once and a while as long as there is no order of protection or anything like that, and as long as its not excessive. Don’t be afraid of your feelings.

tmorford,

I'm sure you are aware why my comment struck a nerve with you. You have had personal experiences with both stalking and RO's.

My comment NOT was judgemental. It was simply my perception of TedS01's comment. He is free to clarify his statement and possibly alter my perception with more details. He is also free to ignore my comments altogether.

Great place, ain't it?


Americans?...or just me. I will be the first to admit that I am judgemental. Everyone is judgemental, including you. It is human nature.

The very comment "you people" is judgemental.

Ted's feelings are real and genuine. I do not judge his feelings. They are what they are. His question is "How does one move beyond this?" For Ted to move forward, he must first find out why he is stuck in the mud and spinning his wheels. It would not be helpful for me to tell him that it's ok to be stuck in the mud and spinning his wheels...not when his goal is to move forward.

Well I have been accused of it recently, here is what I did to get accused of it, I have customers all over the area where I live and my house (which my wife lives at now) I drove up the hill (the main road in my town, its a small town population 600) at 4:30 to work with a customer she saw me go up the hill and there was a cop at the top of the hill who pulled me over for going 40 in 30 about 100 feet from my house, I drove down the hill at 8:45 or so she claimed I was stalking her, now I have not been by the house for 2 weeks before that. Stalking yea not really.

Human nature you are correct people do judge others all the time but I am not saying its correct. I have always tried not to judge people maybe its the way I was brought up (small town and all). I have read your comments and you call the guy a stalker or he has stalking behavior which he clearly did not state any, and that is why I judged you and people like you.

As for moving on don’t you think if he confronts her, he will know for sure and purge the feelings? He will know 100% weather he should continue down this path or follow another. He sounds hurt and confused, he needs support, not name calling we are not in 3rd grade anymore

tmorford,

You and I obviously have differing perceptions, which is all good. I think we have the same goal however, which is to offer feedback that Ted (not you) may find beneficial.

I respect your opinion thus far. Let's not highjack this thread any further.