oh no not...

I cannot respect myself if I permit this triangle to continue one day longer.

It is
I cannot respect myself if I permit MYSELF to be part of this triangle one day longer...

drop the sanity line also...
he will use that against you ...and call you insane..

he will get a lawyer who use your words to prove you put in writing you are insane...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

well that's what I think.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

ARK

Well, I think, your corrections are absolutely essential....

That's what I think...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I have made minor modifications in Pep's letter. It is vital he see this as a decision affecting the entire family. U have rocked his WS 'tude' and he is angry. What he will do with that anger isn't yours to control....you just cotnrol what comes your way and you are sending back his anger by keeping the distance between him and YOUR family.

The children s/b made aware their dad has left and is angry. All of you get a plan of action so that a SINGLE message is sent to him when there is communication.

Why is this sooo important? Because you now have his attention and can NOW reach his ears but he has to get his anger under control 1st. He is an adult having a tantrum. Not a pretty sight.

I can tell you that his babble is reminiscent and scary. Mine said similar including me having a BF. I told him after his conduct, I have to wonder if a BF would even work. See I babbled it back to him and kept him at bay with reverse babble. The stuff works. Just gotta be consistent.

This is a critical time 4 u Caren. Be wise. Use that calm heart and clear mind.....you have been praying about. You really need it now.

The safety of your family is at stake.

take care,
L.

Caren,

Sometimes those who snap the hardest are those that seemed the least likely to do so. If you have stuff like his threats recorded, just keep it set aside and safe, you never know what you might need it for in the future.

He called you 39 times because he knew he'd eventually get you. Why was your phone even on? If you need to be able to check on your kids, use your friends phone, give the babysitter your friends number. Why was your phone on for 39 calls...?

Sundog, Pep, Ark, Orchid and Mimi-

I wasn't home for the majority of the 39 calls, I just counted them on his cell phone account. And after I spoke to him briefly the 2 times, I turned off the ringer on both home and cell phone.

We are not in Plan B *yet* so that's why I even spoke to him at all. He is irrational and drawing his own conclusions about my whereabouts.

How much is a counseling session with SH????? I don't know if he can afford it......I'd LOVE to be able to call him myself actually.

I don't have an intermediary.......no one wants the job, this has gone on too long, and no one wants anymore involvement with it,they all believe I should just divorce him.

I could send a copy to local law enforcement, my parents....possibly his mother....but I don't have an attorney yet, I would have to come up with the first $500 in order to start anything, and I don't necessarily know if I want to start divorce proceedings, because I'm not sure I want to be divorced.

I don't know if I should call my local police dept. or go in there and talk to them. Do I want to file a restraining order???? What else can they do short of that?

God Bless,

-Caren

CarenMc,

God bless...been following your thread...you should be so proud, such a testament to TRUE commitment....after all you have been through. Stand strong and proud... you are a gem!!

MWIL

PS.....Looked at MB pictures.....you're lieing about you being 38....aren't you????? I was thinking.....27?????

LOL, I wish I was kidding about being 38....that's kind of a grainy picture though.

I hate pictures of myself.

God Bless,

-Caren

Orchid: Ok, so no intermediary. The you need to figure out when u are strong enough to have a convo w/him and when you can't.

Now which one of the following is the least likely to have an emotional drain on you?

1. In person
2. Phone call
3. Text messaging
4. E-mail

After you decide, implement it. Not a choice for him but what you can work with. If he balks then he looses the privilege of commuicating with you.



Orchid: Consider his actions serious and check out the women'a abuse hotline or shelter in your area. Go speak with someone but make sure you are not giving an exaggerated story. If they recommend filing a PO report, then do so. I think you shouldn't need to file one, just resort to the communication tool that works for you. Expect him to have a fit and when he does remind him what that looks and sounds like.

L.

Thank you Orchid.

I think he must have realized what an A-Hole he sounded like Wednesday night, because I didn't hear from him at all yesterday.

He talked to Brooklyn once, then he called her back because he had another call, then he called about 10pm because he knows she plays by the creek, and he saw on the news where a little girl was washed away by flood waters, so he didn't want her going down there and then the goodnight call....and that was it.

And I was perfectly fine not talking to him yesterday......I went and helped my friend set up all the food after the funeral (Her sister's brother in-law died, he was only 43 and he was best friends with my brother in law and my ex husband, so I knew him pretty well).

Then I came home sat around and watched Brooklyn play outside, my neighbor came over for a while and talked, and then I watched that movie Aeon Flux (Which was kinda dumb) and then I went to bed.

I called the doctor and had him call me in my prescription at some point in time yesterday because I needed a refill on my Xanax. I have panic attacks, and they help quite a bit when one of those hits. I don't feel the need to be back on anti-depressants again. The panic attacks normally hit in the morning about 5 or 6 am (Like this morning which is why I'm up so early.

I have still been checking the cell phone records, but I haven't seen any calls to or from the OW in since the day I told him I knew (He has no home phone), but there is an incoming blocked number.........so I'm not sure who that is.

Once in Plan B, I know I need to quit looking. I thought of having a friend change the password for me, so I don't know it (I always have the ability to change it back, because it's my name.....my SS#). Because if I'm detaching....that means no spying..........I've learned my lesson on that one.

I think the text message thing is the best way to do communication, I will just tell him to keep his text messages to questions about Brooklyn or Bills, with the possible exception of emergencies.

I think I'm going over to the library today and print out the plan B letter, but I'm stopping at the Police station first to get their take on it.

So here in a sec I'll post a revised PBL and see what y'all think.

God Bless,

-Caren

Plan B letter Attempt (Sheesh...I've lost count)
************************************************************
Dear Mark-

You know that I love you with all of my heart. I have loved you since the first day I met you, and I love you still.

I can remember so many good times that we had together, so many memories that I could never replace. Our wedding day, the birth of our beautiful Brooklyn, going to sleep with you every night and waking up with you every morning.

I remember holding you when you were so scared because I had to have a hysterectomy, you cried and begged me not to leave you.

You have chosen a 2 year marriage triangle with the other woman.

I cannot respect myself if I am in this triangle one day longer

My participation in our marriage is discontinued in order to save the sanity, the self-respect and the remaining love of our family.

I have discovered through this whole ordeal that I cannot control you, nor would I want to. I can only control myself, so I am making a conscious decision to remove myself from this chaos.

As of today, you may no longer contact me directly. For emergencies or for business matters, you may contact me only by text message.

If you want to reconcile our marriage, after you have permanently removed the other woman from our marriage, and you can show proof that you've done the things that need to be done (as outlined in my previous letters), and you can show me you value our marriage and our family above all else, I will contact you for a meeting to discuss possible reconciliation.

When you receive this letter, do not contact me, as I am certain that I do not wish to speak with you.

You may have Brooklyn on your scheduled weekends and you can talk to her on the phone.

I hope that someday you'll understand that everything I've been doing is to save our family.

May God Bless you and keep you safe during our time apart.

Your loving wife,

Caren
************************************************************

I kinda spliced some of what you said in your revisions with my own words.

God Bless,

-Caren

So what do you think?? I'm trying to find some sort of happy medium, because the PBL is supposed to sort of be a love letter also, right?

Should I outline yet again the things I need for him to do, or just let him refer to the other letters????

I need this letter critiqued as I plan on delivering it today. (After I go and speak to law enforcement).

God Bless,

-Caren

Caren:

Why not Pep's letter...making it 1 counseling session with Steve H. if money is the issue?

How about letting him call your minister if he wants to reconcile?

I'm concerned about the emotional safety of Brooklyn. Didn't he ask her if you were scr***wing or some such thing last time? His phone conversations with her, in your presence, need to be limited or monitored, I think. Caren, you know full well that he will try to USE her to get to you. Right?

My opinion ....



the [color:"red"] first [/color] Plan B letter should be a love letter ....

the [color:"blue"] second [/color] Plan B letter should be a hard slap with a cold dead fish !

Pep

Here are some suggested changes in YOUR LETTER...

Dear Mark-

You know that I love you with all of my heart. I have loved you since the first day I met you, and I love you still.


You have chosen a 2 year marriage triangle with the other woman.

I cannot respect myself if I am in this triangle one day longer



I have discovered through this whole ordeal that I cannot control you, nor would I want to. I can only control myself, so I am making a conscious decision to remove myself from this chaos.

As of today, you may no longer contact me directly. For emergencies or for business matters, you may contact me only by text message.

If you want to reconcile our marriage, can show proof and convince me that you have permanently ended your relationship with (you know who) contact (such and such) with that specific information to include a NC LETTER.

When you receive this letter, do not try contact me. I will not speak with you.

You may have Brooklyn on your scheduled weekends and you can talk to her on the phone.(THIS NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED, WORKED ON..)

May God Bless you and keep you safe during our time apart.



Caren

***EDIT************
Don't we call our WS- aliens, fools, infidels etc...

Very little of what I stated was opinion- most were facts
that came from Caren herself.

Caren,
****EDIT***********
Have you not had numerous jobs- and either quit or been
let go from most of them- true or false?
Since financial support was by your prior posts listed as
one of you H top five needs- I would think your inability
to hold down a job would indeed be one of the areas you
need to work on- this would require that you take
responsibility for your choices in this area and discover
what is your honest motivation.
I know I tend to come across as a bit harsh but Caren
you leave and come back to these boards because you don't
seem to truly do what MB suggests to save your M.
I'm sorry but at 38- to have no college education, to live
hand to mouth and to constantly need to ask for assistance from others really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It seems that neither you nor Mark are very mature nor
take much responsibility for yourself or your kids (both
Brooklyn and your kids from other relationships).

>I'm sorry don't we call our OP's- Ho's, Hoor and the like.


Only those that ARE or have been call themselves that, ime.

If you are who I think you are, please go back where you came from.

Caren has been TRYING...and yeah, sometimes she IS trying...but she IS GIVING EFFORT.

If you don't like it, go to another thread....or away...or take a course in constructive criticism.

BTW Caren: Hi kiddo. If people did not have faith or hope for you, they wouldn't be posting TO you.

Love,
Kimmy

Could you please tell me how to block your responses to threads I read??? Thanks.

CLICK PEG'S PROFILE, AND SELECT IGNORE THIS USER.

Thanks...liz! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Caren - apologies for the teeny tj...

MWIL - for a moment I thought you were talking about me....

DOH!