Hi HL,

I know it's tough...but trust AA to help your wife. It's their job...they can, and will do it.

Even though your W's sponsor is 3 years young in the program, chances are her sponsor has some longer term sobriety, and her sponsor...and her sponsor's sponsor...etc.

Any thoughts, suggestions, or ideas handed down have, or will likely be run past an old-timer at some point.

The nice thing about old-timers is that they recognize bull-puckey in most others and won't be afraid of offending them by calling them on it. One of these folks will eventually get in your w's face and address her PA behavior...or anything else they think warrents attention. They may be seeing her 'nice' side now, but she won't be able to fool them for long.

I know you and I have had this discussion before, but since the suggestion has come up a couple of times on this thread, I'm curious how you're feeling about Al-Anon these days?

I understand that you're not against the program, my impression is that you don't feel the program is for you. I know it isn't for everyone...heck, I walked away from them the first time I started going to meetings as well. I'm just wondering if you still feel that way, or if it's something you might consider today?

Just curious...no big discussion necessary.

Oh yes...I wanted to say thanks for your input over on my thread, it's been helpful to hear the male perspective on things.

Take care,
B

Banyak,

Thanks. I am not opposed to the program.

I think just knowing the truth about what my FWW is saying sometimes is enough.

Funny thing is I barely have time to breath some days. LOL.

Two kids and a FWW in AA doesn't leave a lot of time for ones self.

When this thread started I was anxious to see the next steps to see what my wifes reality would be.

Now I have found out it doesn't matter what her reality is. What matters is mine.

I am a great husband and always have been!!!! She can't take that away from me with words that have no foundation in reality.

I am a great father. Same thing.

I am a wonderful person.

If she thinks differently I am ok with that right now.

There is the old saying you don't know what you got till it's gone.

I am not saying I am leaving but if it does come to that I am comfortable in the fact that I tried my best.

I was waiting to see if AA brought her to that reality and now it is irrelevant because I don't need her to see that for it to be true. I may need her to see that to stay married though.

Having faith in yourself is a great asset HL, and you're right - she doesn't need to see things the way you do. Your mental/spiritual/emotional health is only dependant on you.

But, what about the bad days? The days where you're so angry and frustrated that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. What do you do for support when you can't find the tools you need in your back pocket?

I know it's tough to find time for yourself with such a boat-load of things happenning around you all the time - but it really should be a top priority.

You are the anchor in your family right now HL...if you can't do the job well because you're just too tired of the insanity, what then?

I know you do the best you can, but don't let looking after yourself slide to the bottom of the priority list too often. Detatchment can help with that, but you know some days that just isn't enough.

Some days it helps to sit in a room with a bunch of people that are experiencing, or have experienced the same things that you are...expecially when they seem happy and at peace with themselves and their lives. Listening to others that have made it through the same insanity that you're living with can be a great source of strength.

Just a thought???

Either way, you know I'm pulling for you!

Take care,
B.