Hi all,

Since june 23 my wife decided to go to her mothers and live. Today is the second time that she has approached me in the last week that she need to be with the children Girls 17 /16 and boy 8. She left and we decided that the children would sleep there every other night. Well my son has but the girls have not. The mornings my son is at home she comes up at 6:30am and is there til i come home around 6pm. She says that she feels like she is not a mom.

She understands that being at her moms is not fun for the girls. She can not even stand it either. But She has absoultely no feeling for me and she knows that I have a ton for her. If I loved her that way I do that I wouldn't want her to feel this way. Or keep her children from her. Which I add I am not doing. She doesn't want to work it out and she is saying that because she doesn't I am being spiteful.

If the rolls were reversed she would not be budging. I want her to try with me. She said she can not forgive or forget all the hurt she has. She walked away. I did push her to an extent.

What can I suggest?

thanks

I would stay the course. She left..Let her figure something better than her moms.
Don't know much about your story, but for your kids sake I would stay in your home and raise them accordingly.
So you pushed her, big deal. My DD and I threw her mom out due to her affair..She even said to me one time why she had to leave, I said it's because it's our DD's house as well, and she wants to go wherever dad goes.
Hang in there

I have comprimised with her in regards to the legal separation, trying every other weekend, Now this. It has been horrible for me, I know it was for her. But she and I need to work it out......

anyone wanna help?????

am I doing the right thing

Good evening! NE-I would keep Plan Aing, working on yourself, learning not to LB, there's a reason why she fell in love with you. What changed? And I have to agree with Bigwave, if she doesn't live her mom's that her problem, not yours. If was her actions that chose to move there, she has to deal with not feeling like a mom, that's her owning her feelings. Do you believe that you can make her feel that way? Do we have the power to make people feel, think or behavior a particular way? That's something you are going to have to think about!

I would let her know that you remain out to working on the M, and that the door to the home you created together is always open. Create a loving environment, one that any person would be willing to want to live in, and work on you!

Of course, this is just my two cents! LOL

Never-

You are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing. HOLD YOUR GROUND, she's the one that decided to have the seedy affair, and she needs to feel the consequences.

You need to tell her that you keeping the kids has nothing to do with her, it's for their welfare.

Why aren't you in Plan B??? I'd Plan B her butt, really put the pressure on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She needs to feel the full impact of her decision.

God Bless,

-Caren

I didn't think of that, but C is so right! She's all "fog" talk right now! OMG, how did I miss that!

Hello, Thanks for some advice....

I am feeling weak, I know that we had many problems within out relationship over the past few years. I am at fault. I have owned up to it and have corrected where I went wrong.

she said that she has fallen out of love with me and can not and will not ever let me forget all the hurt that I put her thru. Meanwhile for the past 5 months I have been her plan Aing but she thinks only because she doesn't want me.

She sees no good in me as a lover / husband. I know what I am about and what I can do. Yes she is in 'fog" but nothing can break her out.

You know I just do not know how a person can go from loving you to not loving you, or better yet not wanting to love you..........

The person she is now cannot be trusted, never. She isn't speaking truth... she is revising history and your marriage. This is what happens -- it's almost part of the script (which usually begins with the words "I love you but I'm not in love with you"... )

Right now, hang tight and don't give up. Let your wife OWN her consequences -- one of which is the loss of mothering time with the kids. YOU continue being a great dad.

You're doing the right thing as far as that's concerned. Let her stay there, and let her own it.

As far as you: Have you read about Plan A? Are you working to rebuild yourself, FOR YOURSELF, and also for your family?

More questions:

The mistakes you mentioned... what kinds of things are you talking about?

Are you sleeping? Eating right? Getting to work?

And finally: Don't you believe for one second that someone can love you and not like a lightswitch. She's not in her right mind.

Don't give up. It's not nearly time for giving up!!! Chin up, okay??

NE-Now, there's someone you should listen too! I suggest that you read her other post!

An crusty oldster writes an open letter to MBers

I want you to know that I think you have been doing a great job of holding your own. Don't be so hard on yourself! The best thing you could have done was come here. I don't have all/any answers but I'm always here to lean on, each and every one of us. It would be great if you could give more background info to help us understand.

Thank you NB for taking up the slack of us newbies. I know I jumped the gun.

NB,

Thanks for the words of encouragement...
The funny part is that she is with the children anytime from 6:30am to 6:00pm while I am at work, at our house. If is more comfortable for the children. She then does her own thing, out, online, i dunno. Goes to sleep..

Yes I am plan Aing. I am sleeping 4 to 5 hours a night. I get up workout get ready for work and put in a complete day. I take care of the house too. So does she from time to time too. I know it sounds strange, but she has it great. But not with me.

Has anyone every had one spouse try and not the other on and off for a few years?

If we both tried I think it will work. I am doing my best and working on my self, being there for the children.

I think she is trying to beat me down.....

You can look up my previous posts........

Never-

TIME FOR PLAN B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have to let her feel the entire impact of her decision, otherwise you are going to end up divorced. That is the only thing that is going to wake her up.

The other posters are right, she can't go from loving you to not loving you that fast, it's pure Wayward Spouse Bullcrap. It's straight from the handbook.

God Bless,

-Caren