My husband and I separated in mid October 2005. We discussed the rules of the separation in great detail...no dating...and if we decided that we wanted to, we agreed to have enough respect for one another to say something before it happened. I kept myself pure, honoring the committment to my marriage (even though I was the one to leave). I suspected that he was sleeping around, but he kept reassuring me that he was socializing with friends only. We moved back in together early March. My gut was telling me that he was lying about his remaining faithful. So I became the detective...didn't take long before his adultery was becoming more clear. Although he still insisted that they never had sex! At one point yesterday, he even swore on his salvation. God help his soul!!! He said he lied because he didn't want to hurt me...hurt me...lying over and over again has hurt me even more!! If he didn't want to hurt me, he should have never done! He finally admitted to F***ing them, but it was like pulling teeth! Right now, I can't even look at him without graphic mental images of ...I'll leave it at that!

His response so far has been to justify (because I left) and blame me (because I left). He told me that he doesn't need this right now with all the other stress in his life!! He can't understand why I can't just get over is...after all, we were separated. What about his promise to remain faithful. Help...I don't know how to cope with all this. We are seeing our marriage counselor this afternoon...this will be the first she will hear of this!

Well.....first of all, sounds like you gave your H a reason to go out and have a little fun. He probably wanted to do it all along, he just needed the separation as an excuse to have sex with other women.

Secondly, never, and I mean never leave the house (split up) during a separation. This almost always leads to infidelity.

Believe me...I will never leave again!!! I told him this last night. His response was 'what you're going to stick around just to make me miserable'.

Our being separated does not give him the excuse to turn to ohter women!! Although, he is kind of taking this stance right now...he said if I wouldn't have left, this would have never happened.

How can I trust anything he tells me now? He has lied about his affairs right up til ysterday...when I had him cornered with evidence.

I have names, numbers should I confront the OWs?

Being separated should not have given him an excuse. He is just using it as excuse.

As far as the trust goes.....He broke it, I dont know if you will be able to trust him again. Maybe you will one day. It is never the same once trust has been broken in my opinion. But, some people have said there marriage is better than ever after something like this and the recovery.

Also, If your H is having an ongoing affair, you may want to contact the OWs, he was probably lying to them as well about being married.

Good luck, and Im very sorry you have to go thru this.

He claims the affairs are over and that he has not seen or spoken to them since we began marriage counseling. I know he lied to the OW's about his marital status...I read his chats where he told them that he had been divorced for months. He claims to have told them the truth, but I don't know what to believe anymore. He said that as long as I am with him, he would never do it again. Again...I don't know if I can believe him...I want to desperately!! He should feel like a peice of ****** if he is truly remorseful!

As far as contacting the OW's...my anger and hurt are at such high levels right now that I may end up being not so nice and telling them exactly what I think!

Alot of BS put the blame on the OW/OM, but the true fact is that your husband was the one in a committed relationship, lied to you and the OW and CHOSE to have the affair. The OW may be totally innocent of anything, besides being naive. Unless these OW were aware of the entire situation and are still trying to break up your marriage, you should concentrate your anger at the guilty party.......your WH.

Thanks for the advice...you're right I don't have the emotional energy to deal with anyone other than him.

We will see how counseling goes tonight.

Stay strong......Ive been where you are.

One positive note on your behalf......at least you two are seeking counseling, my EX didnt want to try.

Counseling went well outside of the initial yelling...C put him in his place right away!

We discussed STD testing...he wasn't very receptive, but I don't care! I have to go through it because of him...he needs to go through it as well. He claims to have had an HIV test but hasn't gotten the results for me yet...but I did insist on a full blown STD exam (as suggested by my gyn when I called for my appt)