Hey guys, my husband is leaving for good, he is moving back in with his parents, he says there is no hope for us, that he doesnt' want to be married anymore, that he doesn't love me, he also resigned from his job today, I guess they were going to fire him because of his poor work lately, so now he is unemployeed, which leave the children and I without healthcare and a paycheck, could life get any worse? So, I guess we will be filing for a divorce or whatever, this is so not what I want, and now I won't get to see my little LuLu anymore, a baby that I loved inspite of everything that she reminded me of...I can't take it, I thought God wasn't suppose to give you more than you could handle, I am ready to break.

Love Laura

Oh LA...

We care.. we REALLY care... Talk to us.

HUG...

Eibrab

Dear LA4500,

Does your H have anyone to talk too?
Was he at one time a man of "Basic Goodwill"?

Do you REALLY want to work it out?

If you wish, perhaps I could talk to him.
You sound pretty reasonable to me concerning the OC.

I know I come off as a jerk sometimes on this board, but I don't like to see famlies breakup either.

I have a strong sence that he is feeling worthless right now. Getting fired/quiting is a BIG BIG DEAL to most men.
I suspect he is trying to run from the shame.

I will not promiss that I would tell you everything I hear, but he would get advice from someone who is pretty close to the same situation as he is in. I beleive that famlys should stay togther.

You sound like a good woman. Perhaps if he could get his head out of his a$$, he just might see it.

TH

{{LA}} I am so sorry about your situation. Please know that even through the very worst of times God is with you. Many of those times he is carrying you. He cannot control the choices of your H but He can be there with you every step of the way.

Email if you would like.

killnme2004-mb@yahoo.com

I care.

I apologize because this doesn't address the emotional pain you're in now. But, you might benefit from looking at some practical factors right now, too.

Consider legal separation. Protect any potential income from him as soon as possible. Just because he walked out of a job doesn't mean the courts wouldn't order him to come up with some child support. Even if he has to borrow money or take a low paying job.

It can be costly, but consider checking into COBRA for continued healthcare coverage. Again, what makes him think he can just walk out of the marriage, a job, and not have consequences and responsibilities to take care of his family? You might want to at least consult with an attorney. There's a very practical aspect to this situation that could be addressed to help ease some stressors.

Also, it would be to your advantage to file something legal related to this marriage. While you love Lulu, you will want to make sure that your children don't get short changed when it comes to any possible child support.

In the meantime, I'm sorry that you are having to face this pain all over again. Please consider checking into some of the things I have shared. He is the father of your children and has responsibility to support them regardless of how he feels about the marriage, his job, etc.

LA, heartmending had some good advice. Get thee to a lawyer post haste. Your DH has 90 days to file for COBRA. Get a lawyer to force the issue if you must.

How are you today?

LA, I'm not sure where you are checking responses. I replied over on DV.

Look at this as a death in the family. It is. So, all these busy-work things like checking into COBRA and meeting with crisis centers and government agencies are like making the final arrangements. For many, these “must-do” practical items help get them through the initial wave of shock and despair. Some others, faced with all this after a death, leave it to others. If you can’t deal with this, ask a trusted friend or family member to help you make these arrangements. She can set up appointments and drive you, make phone calls, etc.

It may seem like we’re jumping the gun, telling you to get legal counsel and file for support, but to me, at least, it appears your H is about to do a cut and run. Protect yourself now. You may also want to quietly get anything of value out of the house and into safe keeping.

Do close the bank accounts and any credit cards today. He can wipe you out, and it will take months before the court will force him to replace the money.

HUGS.

I'm so sorry to hear this Laura.

Ditto to what the others said re protecting yourself and your children financially. Big ditto on the cobra thing, though the premiums can be high, it can be a life saver financially speaking if something huge like a surgery or any other major med emergency were to come up. Otherwise, some sort of subsidized help is necessary, esp with little ones to look out for.

Take good care of yourself and children.

~ad

Laura,

I'm so sorry to hear this...I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I'm so sorry.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that we are here for you.

CH

Thanks for all the replies, I am doing okay, life sucks, but I am okay, I called and asked about child support but I couldn't bring myself to make and appointment, I started crying on the phone so I hung up. My mom and step dad said the the boys and I can move in with them, which we might do for the time being, I applied for some low income housing in my home town, it killed me to do it but I did. I picked up and kindergarten packet for my son in the other school district, and the poor secretary, I cried to her too. I am such a mess. I am basically just going threw the motions. I am pretty much a mess. H called me at work earlier asking how my day was and why I was being so short with him, does he really not understand what this is doing to me and the kids, our oldest refuses to go to sleep at night cause he wants to wait up for daddy. I keep praying that this is just a bad dream and that he is going to change his mind and want to come home to me. I feel like the world is crumbling, I am trying to be strong and put a brave face on for everyone so they won't worry about me, but I am dying inside. I don't know how much more I can handle. thanks for being here though

(((((Laura))))))

Good for you! You gave it your best effort. That's not easy to do when your world is falling apart. Making a phone call about child support just adds another layer of reality to the situation. You can be sure that whoever was at the end of that line has heard many tears. You were very brave to try.




Again, you were very brave. We all like to be able to support ourselves...to feel confident and capable. But, your H. left you in a very, very bad spot. You are a courageous woman to do things to try and better your life and the lives of your children....when you just want to die. Low income housing isn't where you want to be in the long run. But, this is the short run. And, you are a survivor. You are providing for your children in every way that YOU can. That's more than your H. can say! He has taken a coward's way out.



If he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want to. It's easier to live with himself if he can try and turn the attention on you and your "attitude". It makes it easier for him to take the heat off himself! Heaven forbid he have to face himself!

Somedays we measure our "victory" by being able to put one foot in front of the other...and keep moving. It might be a good idea to move in with your mother as you mentioned. You deserve all the support you can get right now.

((((LA))))) I wish I could give you a big ole hug, it seems you need it right now. Don't feel bad about applying for assistance, apply for whatever you can. Do some research on what you might qualify for. The "busy work" of taking care of yourself will help keep your mind occupied.

I can't believe your H, they really don't see the havoc they reak, do they???? Amazing....

LA,

Check back in with us and let us know you're OK!

Thinking about you!!!

LA,
A quick note about COBRA. You do not have 90 days, you have 60.

Under federal law, you must be given at least 60 days to
elect COBRA Continuation Coverage. The 60-day election period is measured from the later of:
1. the date coverage ends due to a Qualifying Event; or
2. the date you receive the election notice provided by your Employer Group (or its COBRA administrator).

I am sorry for your pain and this situation.

I am doing okay, my boys are my main concern, I miss my H so much, I just want him to "see the light" and come home, I have tried convincing him that there is hope and he keeps saying that there isn't. I keep telling him that I love him and keeps saying I shouldn't. Part of me wonders if something happened that he isn't saying, the tiny insecurites I have are working overtime, and he is saying that is making him more angry and to not want to be around me at all. I am just so hurt. I asked him if he was sleeping with the Bimbo again, Lulu's mommy, and he said no, that he isn't sleeping with anyone....that he knows how much that would hurt me and he doesn't want to hurt me...Um did he just hear what he said, he doesn't want to hurt me, then why the ****** is he....why can't he just come home and try. I mean we never went to C after the A, so we just kept putting band aid after band aid on an open wound, and just kept tearing it off....I just want my husband, my life, He is all I have ever known, I don't know how to have life without him.....I don't know what to do...I cry constantly, I have lost about 10lbs in the last 2 weeks....I just want my husband back....I mean should I give up hope? Should I keep trying, Imean is it possible to get back after he has moved out....I wasn't a perfect wife, I admit it, but I didn't realize all the things I did wrong, I didn't realize how much I neglected him, I want to make it right now. But he says its too late....is there anything I can do...I am so lost right now....

Love Laura

Laura, hon, take a step back for a moment. Now take a deep breath. Look clearly at yourself. Are you the best YOU that you can be? Are you the most attractive Laura you can be? How are your kids holding up? Take this time apart to work on yourself. Do things for you. Change the things you need to work on. Can you go to IC? Don't be so needy or weepy with your H. If you really want the M, then attract him back.

Now next. Have fun with your kids. Do fun family things. Invite your H to join you, BUT, don't make a fuss if he says no. Just go do them anyway. Create a life, a happy life, for you and your children. Either way you win. You become happier without him or he sees the changes and returns on his own.

I am very sorry for all you are going through.